Worlds Apart
by crematosis
Summary: After spending so much time saving the World as Haseo, Ryou needs time in the real world. But will meeting Endrance offline strengthen their bonds or leave him more vulnerable to heartbreak? EndrancexHaseo/KaoruxRyou
1. Prologue

A/N:Hi, guys! I'm totally new to this fandom and I haven't played the games for at least a year...so it's probably not going to be that accurate. But I really, really need Endrance and Haseo fics right now and since I read them all, I figured I should make my own. Feel free to point out any factual inaccuracies and I will fix them. This will be a multi-story chapter and after this, the chapters will get longer. I promise. I just usually write really, really short prologues.

Disclaimer:If I owned .Hack...it would probably end up as some wacky yaoi anime with Albel and Fayt as Endrance's parents. So, it's probably a good thing it's not mine.

The first time an offline meeting was brought up, Ryou was surprised when Endrance rejected the offer with a curt short mail:

_I'm deeply honored, Haseo…but now that the battle is over…shouldn't you be resting?_

He had expected Endrance's player to respond enthusiastically to any chance to learn more about his beloved Haseo. But after he recovered from the initial shock of his rejection, he realized that Endrance had a point. After the long hours he had put in working his way up through the Holy Palace tournament, Ryou needed a break, a chance to go outside and talk to people face to face. A day to just be himself without feeling the weight of everyone's expectations. And even though he knew Endrance never asked for anything except his continuing friendship, his mere presence would remind him of his responsibilities in the World.

He logged out and stared at his blank screen for a long time before he finally pushed his chair back from his desk. He had been playing the World for so many days straight that his own room seemed like a strange place. Was this how Endrance felt all the time? According to Yata, Endrance was online almost 24/7. The World was his life and spending time with Haseo was his favorite part of the World.

Ryou bit his lip as he imagined Endrance sitting alone in Indieglut Lugh, waiting for the few hours a day that he could play as Haseo. Endrance rarely e-mailed him, never begged to be included in his party, and generally kept his distance unless Haseo initiated contact. From all his declarations of love, Ryou had worried that Endrance would follow him around being an obnoxious pain like Saku. But Endrance was there only when he was needed and then he quietly slipped away when someone else demanded Haseo's attention. It was only now that he realized he was sorely overlooking Endrance's quiet support. Days had gone by when he had been too caught up in leveling up for the tournament that he had forgotten all about Endrance. But Endrance never complained about the lack of attention. He always put Haseo first and his own needs last.

Well, Ryou was going to make it all up to him one day. He didn't know much about Endrance's player, but when they finally met in real life, he would take the time to find out.

The ideal time to meet up with Endrance would have been right after the crowning ceremony, but things could never be that easy. The battle to save Sirius had just ended, and the fight for Moon Tree had just begun. Another week had passed before Sakaki was no longer a threat and Haseo was no longer needed. And another two days later before Ryou could even begin to get over Ovan's betrayal.

He was hurt and angry that the man he had trusted, that Shino had trusted could have put her in a coma. All this time he had spent searching for Tri-Edge, when the monster was right in front of him, disguised as a friend. He was tired of not knowing all answers, of fighting so hard to save everyone when it felt like all his efforts were meaningless. He didn't know what to do or who to trust.

Maybe he was going crazy, but there was one person who would at least try to understand, who would listen without judgment.

It was time to meet Endrance.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: So, this is the first real chapter. I'm hoping to make most of my chapters about this length since that seems manageable for plot development, but it'll fluctuate a bit. Just don't worry about another one-page thing like my prologue. That's over with, at least. XD

Disclaimer: If I owned Endrance, it wouldn't be so hard to make him behave and do what I want.

"Haseo," Endrance said, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. "Are you…are you sure about this?"

Ryou wanted to scream. He had expected Endrance, of all people, to remain fixed and unchanging. But this was the second time his attempt to meet offline had been rejected. Even his request to go with Haseo into the castle dungeon seemed to have been accepted reluctantly. What had happened to Endrance's declaration to always be by his side, to be there whenever he was needed? Right now, Ryou really needed a friend and Endrance was backing out on him.

"Haseo, are you alright?"

Ryou realized that in his frustration he had allowed Haseo to blunder into one of the stupid castle traps. He cursed and steered Haseo back to safer ground beside Endrance. He hated castle dungeons, but since Endrance seemed to love them, it had seemed like the perfect private place to corner him about an offline meeting. So much for that brilliant plan.

He grumbled as Endrance healed the minimal HP loss. "I'm fine. Don't fuss over me."

Endrance stepped closer, a delicate hand outstretched to caress the air around Haseo's cheek. "I worry about you, Haseo. You're fighting for the good of everyone and you're always willing to put everyone else's needs before yours. I'm honored that you would share your time with me when so many others are demanding your attention, but you don't seem to be feeling well. Perhaps another day or maybe later when we have a party of three."

"Bullshit. You don't want to spend time with me." Haseo scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're doing everything you can to get rid of me."

Endrance clasped his hands to his chest. "Haseo, how can you say that? I cherish our time together."

"Then why the hell are you trying to get out of doing this dungeon with me?"

Endrance rubbed his arm. "You seem…distracted today. I just thought perhaps if we took along a third person to heal you if you got into trouble, maybe Atoli-"

Ryou pinched the bridge of his nose. He wanted to spend time with Endrance, not Atoli. He had grown to tolerate her and maybe even respect her, but he knew how emotionally vulnerable she was. She would be devastated if he made plans to meet Endrance and not her.

"Look," Haseo said. "I wanted a chance to talk to you. Alone. I'm not going any further until we've had a chance to discuss this."

"Very well," Endrance said. He wrapped his arms protectively around himself and edged over towards the wall.

"What the hell is with you? I thought you'd be delighted to meet up in real life, unless all you care about is my character and not the person behind it."

Endrance frowned. "It's not that I don't care, because I do. You are my most precious person, Haseo. No matter who you are offline, what matters is that you are Haseo, you are the one whose kind words melted my icy despair."

"But?" Haseo prompted. Endrance seemed to have drifted off into his own little world of memories.

Endrance dropped his hands to his side. "I'm sorry, Haseo. I'm afraid I don't get out much."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"It means that I can't invite you over. My room is entirely unsuitable for visitors."

"So your room is a little messy. I don't give a damn." Ryou knew his own bedroom looked far from perfect. He was a teenager living on his own. Without his parents to nag him about appearances, he didn't always pick up his dirty clothes from the floor or make his bed every day.

Endrance coughed delicately and turned to look over his shoulder, probably surveying his bedroom. "I'm afraid there would be no room for you to sit, or even stand really."

Ryou was surprised. He had expected a net addict's bedroom to be sparsely furnished. If all Endrance did was play the World, he would have no use for much else besides his computer. But as he thought about it, he realized that Endrance had probably moved everything he owned into his bedroom so he would never have to be more than an arm's length away from his computer. He just hoped Endrance's bedroom wasn't jammed full of Haseo plushies. That would be awkward.

"And I'm afraid I no longer know my own address."

"Geez, that's not good."

"As I said before, Haseo, I haven't left the house for quite some time."

"We're really going to have to work on that. It's not healthy for you to shut yourself in your bedroom all the time and cut off contact with everyone."

"But because of you, Haseo, I've been able to reach out to people, to fight as part of a team. I've come so far from my days as a solitary emperor."

"Now we have to get you interacting with people of the real world." He sighed. "I wish I could have you over to my apartment, but that's probably not going to happen right now."

Endrance brightened. "I'm honored to be invited into your world. I'd love to walk beside you, seeing the world as you do. Just knowing that my journey will end at your side, I can overcome all obstacles to reaching you."

"And knowing you're going to meet me is going to magically help you remember your address?"

Endrance faltered. "I live somewhere in Kanagawa Prefecture."

"I live in Tokyo. You're going to have to take a train here. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Of course, Haseo. Nothing will stop me from reaching you. Spending even an hour at your side will-"

"I get it. You're thrilled." Haseo huffed and put a hand on his hip. "You really need to get out more and develop other interests besides me. I know I'm awesome and shit, but there are way better things for you to do with your time than hanging around waiting for me to log on."

"I don't mind," Endrance said quickly. "I could wait a lifetime for you, Haseo."

Ryou grimaced. This conversation was going nowhere. The sooner he got Endrance out of his house and away from the computer, the better.

"Anyway, let's figure some things out. Do you have a cellphone?" Ryou sure hoped he did.

"It doesn't work very well," Endrance said doubtfully. "If I remember correctly, the sound was a problem."

"Text me then. That'll give me your number." Because Ryou knew Endrance sure as hell didn't know his own phone number.

"Oh, I'm not sure where my phone is at the moment." Endrance shifted. "But I'm sure I'll be safe with you watching over me."

Endrance still and Ryou realized he had stepped away from the computer to go searching through his room. When was the last time Endrance had left the computer to do anything? He probably slept huddled over his keyboard.

Ryou waited patiently for Endrance's return. The minutes ticked by with nothing to do except stare at Endrance's immobile character. Without his player's presence to give him personality, Endrance looked more like a solider standing rigidly at attention than the graceful fighter he was. Well, he would have looked more like a soldier if he hadn't been left looking at the ground. Ryou knew AFK characters weren't supposed to have expressions, but Endrance's gaze seemed rather lonely and melancholy.

He jumped as his phone buzzed, startling himself back to reality. Glancing at the clock on the phone's screen he realized it had taken Endrance over fifteen minutes to locate his phone. And he had been staring at Endrance's character the whole time he was gone. It made him feel more than a little uneasy. Maybe he was spending too much time with Kuhn picking up all his perverted habits.

"Haseo? Did you get my text?"

"Yeah." Ryou glanced at the message. Of course, Endrance had once again declared his undying love and affection. "And now we swap pictures so we'll recognize each other."

"Oh, I don't think my phone's camera function works very well either."

"Ugh, whatever. I'll send you a picture of me at least. It's better than nothing."

He slipped off his M2D and smoothed down his tousled hair as best he could. Eh, good enough. As long as he was recognizable.

Endrance went AFK once more to check his incoming text. When he returned, he was practically beaming. "Oh, Haseo. I don't think I have the words to describe your beauty."

Ryou grimaced. "Maybe try other words than 'beauty'. Just a thought."

"And your eyes. How breathtaking. You must get so many compliments."

"Eh, not really." Endrance had actually been the first person who thought his red eyes were somehow gorgeous. No one cared that Haseo had red eyes, but in the real world, everyone seemed shocked or a little unnerved by his eyes. Sure, they were unusual, but not a sign that he was a demon, like some people seemed to think.

"What next?" Endrance asked. "Pictures of your apartment? Your street, perhaps?"

"Nope. If you want to see it, you'll have to come in person. What I'm going to do is look up the route for you to get here. You'd have money to take the train, right?"

"Mother always keeps a little cash in a jar for unexpected expenses."

"Great. Just give me a sec."

It actually took over half an hour for Ryou to track down the route from Kanagawa Prefecture to Tokyo and figure out Endrance's general location by the landmarks he was able to observe from his window in order to give Endrance directions to the train station.

"There we go," Ryou said, feeling a degree of satisfaction. "There's a train leaving in about an hour. That should give you plenty of time to pack whatever you need for the day."

"Today? You want to meet now?"

"Why not? It's not like you've got anything better to do."

"We better finish this quickly, then." Endrance suddenly sprang into action, nimbly darting through the sets of traps and charging into battle before Haseo had a chance to catch up with him.

Ryou sighed. It was a heavy burden being someone's sole motivation.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: In which I realize I have no idea what the Tokyo train station looks like so I'm just making shit up. Hopefully none of you have ever been to Japan.

Disclaimer: I'd like to own .Hack and have a pretty, pretty Endrance of my own….even an Endrance plushie would do.

Ryou had planned on arriving at the station a few minutes early and finding himself a good vantage point to watch everyone make their way off the train so he would be sure to spot Endrance. But of course, right as he was about to head out the door, his mother had called to ask about his schoolwork and when he was going to come and have dinner with them again. He couldn't be too irritated with her since his parents had graciously allowed him to have an apartment of his own, provided he kept his grades up and kept up his obligation to his family. For the most part, they let him do what he wanted, and for the most part, he was happy about the arrangement. But the timing of the call was the worst. Ryou had spoken to her for a few minutes, assuring her everything was fine, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice as he watched the clock, his early start slowly slipping away.

By the time Ryou made it to the station, he was five minutes late. The train's passengers were mingled with everyone else on the platform and Ryou had no idea where to begin looking for Endrance. Too bad Endrance didn't really look like his character. The pale blue hair and dark purple outfit would really stand out in the sea of black and grey suits.

If they had agreed on a meeting place, all of the hassle of the crowd could have been avoided, but it wasn't too late for that. Ryou located an empty bench directly below the station map on the wall and texted Endrance his location. At that moment, his phone alerted him that his signal strength had dropped.

Ryou cursed and shook his phone. He could move around and see if he could find a stronger signal, but what if the text had actually gone through? Stupid, stupid phone. He glared and jabbed a few buttons, making another attempt to send the text. Nope. Still no signal. Just great. Just fucking great.

"Excuse me? Are you saving this seat for anyone?"

Ryou spared the tall, willowy man standing in front of him only a moment's glance. "Yeah, I'm supposed to meet a friend here." He cast a sidelong glance at the rest of the train station. There were plenty of unoccupied benches now that the midday rush seemed to be dying out. Why did this guy want to sit next to him, of all people? Maybe now that Endrance had found his eyes to be beautiful, they were losing their power as stranger repellants.

He tapped his phone against his chin thoughtfully. Endrance. Could it be…?

But by the time he looked up, the man was gone. Ryou scowled and continued mashing buttons on his phone.

He was finally getting a signal. A backlog of texts suddenly appeared in his inbox, a barrage of panicked messages from Endrance about not being able to find him through all the people and finally:

_Haseo, if you don't want to meet, I understand._

Ryou huffed. Endrance didn't seem to grasp how crowds worked. Just because he couldn't see him, didn't mean he wasn't there.

_It was my idea to meet, remember? Come over and sit down under the station map._

_You didn't seem happy to see me._

"Goddamnit." So the man had been Endrance after all.

_Get your ass over here. Right now._

Ryou crossed his arms and waited. There was an internet café directly across the station, a small building crammed in between the food shops and souvenir stands. Where else would a net addict go when he was feeling stressed?

Sure enough, the door to the café opened and a tall, slim figure in jeans and a gray sweater emerged. As he walked closer, Ryou wanted to kick himself. Of course he was Endrance. He was tall and thin just like his character and he even moved with the same careful grace. Of course, he didn't carry himself with as much confidence as Endrance did, but that was to be expected. He just wasn't as comfortable in his own body as he was online. But Endrance didn't look nearly as helpless offline as Ryou had expected. For a net addict, Endrance was actually pretty attractive.

Pretty attractive by any standards, part of his mind thought. Graceful, elegant, sophisticated…

Ryou scrunched his shoulders and shrugged away the thought. It wasn't as if the thought of being attracted to another man was repulsive. He had dated both girls and guys all the way through high school. But they had all been outgoing, active people who could keep up with him. Endrance was just not his type. He was too delicate.

Endrance stood before him, nervously tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind his ear. "May I sit with you?"

"Why are you asking my permission? Just do it."

Endrance sank onto the bench next to him, clutching a small brown backpack to his chest. "I was so worried. I thought I had upset you somehow and you regretted coming to meet me."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "I had no idea who the fuck you were, okay? You're the one with my picture. You should have said something."

"I'm sorry, Haseo. I had to be sure I didn't have the wrong person."

"It's Ryou. We're not online anymore."

"Ryou." Endrance said his name slowly, as if he were savoring how it sounded. "It suits you wonderfully."

Ryou felt his face grow hot. He reminded himself that he had signed up for this. He had willingly invited Endrance over, knowing that he was probably going to spout the same mushy crap he did online. But while he could roll his eyes and ignore Endrance's passionate declarations in the World, but he wasn't a character anymore. He was a real human being who really loved him and it was more than a little unnerving.

Ryou coughed uncomfortably. "Alright, now what about you?"

Endrance's player looked around nervously. "Has-Ryou, could we perhaps go somewhere more private? I don't like being out here."

"Don't try to change the subject."

"Oh. Please call me Kaoru. Now, can we please leave? Your apartment sounds nice."

Kaoru wrapped his arms around himself and huddled down into the bench, his eyes darting around the train station. Ryou began to be concerned. "What's the matter? Do you feel sick?"

"Those girls have been staring at me," Kaoru confided. "I think they're talking about me."

Ryou followed his glance to a cluster of girls from the local university, who were chatting amongst themselves. They looked away quickly and began giggling.

"Is that all you're worried about? Honestly, Kaoru, do you ever look in the mirror?"

Kaoru slumped down further. "I haven't been out of the house in a year, but I didn't think I was that unstylish."

"Stop worrying. Your clothes are fine. And your hair isn't messed up either," he added, as Kaoru's hands began to tug at his long locks. "They just think you're hot."

"Me?" Kaoru's pale cheeks turned several shades brighter. He ducked his head and fidgeted with his backpack on his lap. "I don't think anyone has found me attractive before."

"You've never been off the computer long enough."

"Maybe…maybe they're talking about you? I mean, why would they even notice me next to you?" Kaoru sighed, laid his head against Ryou's shoulder, and then jumped back as if he thought better of it.

Ryou pinched the bridge of his nose. Things were getting really awkward really quickly.

He stood up abruptly. "You're right. What are we doing killing time in a train station? Let's head back to my apartment."

Kaoru brightened. "Oh, Ryou. That sounds wonderful."

Ryou sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Don't get your hopes up. It's not much to look at."

"It doesn't have to be. It's filled with your things, your presence." Kaoru clasped his hands to his chest, looking like he could just float away in imagination.

Ryou kicked the bench halfheartedly. Why had he agreed to this meeting again? It was going to be a long, long afternoon.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: So, this story may turn out a little longer than I had originally planned. We're a few chapters in and nothing has really happened yet. At least, nothing I had planned to happen has happened. But nobody's going to be upset if this ends up 20+ chapters, right?

Disclaimer: I really wish I owned Kaoru and Ryou, or at the very least knew where they lived so I could watch all the awkwardness.

"Well, here we are. This is my building."

Kaoru halted and stared upwards, taking in the entire apartment complex. "Wow, Ryou. You must be lucky to live here."

Ryou snorted. He knew his apartment building was nothing special. It was just a gray building with several stories of uniform-size apartments. It wasn't a rundown piece of crap, but it wasn't nearly as spectacular as Kaoru made it seem.

He eyed Kaoru. He was still staring upwards, his eyes wide with wonder. It was the same expression he had worn when Ryou had pointed out the GranTokyo Towers and the Imperial Palace along the way. Ryou sighed. Kaoru really needed to get out more often.

"Well? Are you going to stand there all day staring or are you going to come inside?"

Kaoru snapped out of his reverie. "Yes, please," he said meekly. He wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. "It's getting a little cold out here."

Of course Kaoru was cold. He probably weighed as much as a grade-school kid.

Ryou sighed. "I'll make you some soup."

Kaoru followed him obediently into the lobby, but began trailing behind, distracted by the row of mail slots, or maybe the sad little tree in the corner. Ryou grabbed his hand and yanked him in the direction of the elevator. "I live on the eighth floor," he explained. "Stick with me or you're going to get lost."

Kaoru was still holding onto his hand in the elevator. As it started up, he made a surprised squeak and bumped against Ryou. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"You really, really do need to get out more often," Ryou said. "When was the last time you've been in an elevator?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Maybe three or four years ago? I think it was in a department store." He frowned. "Yes, I remember. Two girls were following me around, asking if they could come into the dressing room with me." His face reddened. "I think that was the last time I went shopping on my own. Mother does all the shopping now."

"Shit," Ryou said. "We're not all assholes like that."

Kaoru smiled. "No, you're right. You've been so wonderful to me. Thank you." He reached out slowly, his long delicate fingers brushing against Ryou's cheek.

Ryou froze. There was nothing forcing him to remain in place as Kaoru stepped closer, his palm now cupping his cheek, gently caressing him the way Endrance would. His face was hot, his palm was sweaty, and his stomach tightened painfully. But he just couldn't move.

"I want you to understand how grateful I am to have met you," Kaoru murmured.

And Ryou was grateful when the elevator pinged as it reached the eighth floor. He coughed and slipped out of Kaoru's grasp, setting a brisk pace towards his apartment. He didn't even look back to see if Kaoru was following him. He unlocked the door to his apartment, kicked it open and headed straight into the kitchen to start making the soup.

He cringed at the sound of the front door creaking shut and then Kaoru's quiet footsteps across the linoleum floor behind him.

"Ryou?" Kaoru asked quietly. "Are you mad at me?"

Ryou's hands tightened around the soup pan as he felt Kaoru's gentle touch against his shoulder. "No, no. I'm not mad. I'm perfectly fine."

"What's wrong? Have I said something?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just want to get started on this soup."

"Alright," Kaoru said. He didn't sound entirely convinced, but to Ryou's relief, he dropped his hand and took a step back.

Ryou worked to bring himself back under control. It was just soup. Just pouring the can of soup into a pan and heating it up on the stove. He could do this, even with Kaoru right behind him, watching him as he worked.

He shuddered and looked over his shoulder. Kaoru was examining the portrait of his family he had hung on the wall, running delicate fingers over the frame. "You look so young," Kaoru murmured.

"Well, I was fourteen in that one. That was before I started high school or anything."

"It's a beautiful picture. You all look so happy." Kaoru shifted, adjusting the backpack on his shoulders.

"Just toss your shit on the couch," Ryou said. He gestured to the living room with the spoon. "The soup will be ready in just a few minutes. Go explore the living room or something."

That was all it took for Kaoru to wander off and give him a few minutes to finish stirring the soup. Ryou's living room wasn't very big. There was room for a couch, a TV, and a tiny bookcase crammed full of school books and gaming magazines. But since Kaoru wanted to know all about him, he was probably poring over every single magazine.

Ryou was beginning to feel a little better about having Kaoru over. He didn't mind Kaoru looking through his magazines. If Kaoru just hung out on his couch reading, it meant he wasn't hovering over him. And when he wasn't hovering, Ryou could almost pretend he was just a normal friend, not someone who was obsessed with him. At the moment, he didn't care if Kaoru was enjoying the thought of touching something he had touched. What mattered was that Kaoru was entertaining himself instead of making awkward comments and being weirdly touchy-feely.

Ryou ladled out soup into two bowls and set it out on the table. He hadn't really wanted a table, as he ate most of his meals in his room at the computer. But now he was grateful for the little table and two chairs he had shoved into the corner of the kitchen.

"Come on, Kaoru. It's ready."

"A table for two. How romantic."

And the awkwardness was back.

Ryou scowled. "Just eat your soup." He hoped that once Kaoru had something to eat and was feeling warmer, he wouldn't be so clingy.

Kaoru slowly sank down into his chair. "Thank you, Ryou. It looks delicious."

Ryou wolfed down a few bites before he looked up and noticed that Kaoru was tentatively stirring his soup as if he expected a wild beast to leap out. "What's the matter? You don't like chicken noodle?"

Kaoru traced the edge of the bowl with his spoon. "How can I dislike something you have so kindly prepared for me?"

Ryou sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. This was just like giving gifts to Endrance. Endrance had always thanked him for everything, no matter how small or useless the item was. It had been hard at first to figure out what he really enjoyed and what he merely tolerated, just because it came from Haseo. But over time he had recognized the subtle clues when Endrance's enthusiasm had seemed less than genuine. So now he could tell that Kaoru wasn't at all fond of the soup. He just wasn't willing to admit it.

"If you don't like chicken noodle, I can make you something else."

"No, no. This is fine." Kaoru lifted up a small lump of chicken to his mouth and then gingerly lowered it back to the bowl. He met Ryou's eyes with a sheepish smile. "This has nothing to do with your cooking, Ryou."

"It's just instant soup. I didn't make it."

"Oh." Kaoru gently pushed the bowl into the middle of the table. Ryou dumped the contents into his own bowl. He was planning on having seconds anyway.

Ryou took another bite of soup before he saw Kaoru watching him and remembered his manners. "So, what can I get for you instead?"

"I'm not that hungry," Kaoru said. "Please don't burden yourself."

Ryou ignored him and got up to rummage through the pantry. "There's clam chowder and minestrone. And I think I have some leftover beef udon in the fridge."

"Maybe just a cup of tea. If that's not too much bother."

Ryou put his hands on his hips and tried to look menacing. "I'm not letting you starve yourself because you don't want me to make you a simple bowl of soup. Pick something."

Kaoru fidgeted with his hands in his lap. "I don't really eat meat."

"Fuck, Kaoru. Why didn't you say so?"

Kaoru looked down. "I've done nothing but upset you this entire time. It's because I'm weak, isn't it?"

"Kaoru, I-"

"It's so much easier online when you don't have to worry about people staring at you and laughing at you because you say all the wrong things." He reached his hand across the table and placed it over Ryou's. "I want to wrap my arms around you to convince myself that you're real, that you're not a dream or illusion, that I'm not still inside the World. Endrance has many friends, but I can't remember the last time anyone wanted to be friends with Kaoru."

Kaoru looked like he was about to cry and Ryou suddenly felt sorry for being so annoyed with him. He squeezed Kaoru's hand. "You're not weak, okay? You've gone way outside of your comfort zone and if you were weak, you wouldn't bother trying. What you are is, well, a little weird."

"Only a little?"

Ryou squinted at him. Kaoru's eyes had stopped watering and he was putting on a brave face.

"Well, most people don't declare their undying devotion for someone they've just met."

"We didn't just meet. I met you a month ago at the arena, although then I was too blind to see you for how wonderful you were."

"That's the point. We've known each other's characters. But we don't really know each other."

"You're Haseo. That's all I need to know."

Ryou gritted his teeth. "Fine, whatever. I don't care that you like me. But can you try to be less weird about it? I don't want you all over me."

"I understand, Ryou."

"Good. Now, if you don't eat meat….I think I have some tofu in the fridge, and maybe some leftover noodles."

"Don't cook a big meal just for me. I don't eat much anyway."

"Well, you're going to eat something. You're a stick anyway and if you don't eat, you're going to waste away into nothing."

"You're concerned about me?" Kaoru sounded touched.

"Of course I'm concerned!" Ryou fought to keep his face from getting hot. "I mean, as a friend. I just don't want to see you getting sick. So, yes, I'm concerned about your health. I'm allowed to worry about you, okay?"

"I'd like that," Kaoru said, his mouth curving into a dreamy smile.

Ryou was afraid Kaoru was reading too much into it. But then, he had said too much, tried to clarify because he was afraid he was giving him the wrong idea. He hated how flustered he was around him. He was the one with the social life, and he was being just as awkward as Kaoru.

He was spared further musings as classical music began filtering in from the living room. "What the hell?"

Kaoru trailed after him as he marched into the living room and began digging under the couch cushions. Maybe his mother had accidentally left her cell phone the last time she had been over to check how he was settling into his apartment.

Kaoru reached into his backpack. "I think my phone is ringing." Kaoru held it in his palm, staring at it in wonder as if it were a foreign object he had just discovered.

"Well? Aren't you going to answer it?"

"I don't know who would possibly be calling me."

"You're not meeting up with Saku later, are you?"

Kaoru shuddered. "No, never. I only have eyes for you."

Ryou gritted his teeth. "You're being weird again."

"Sorry." Kaoru gingerly opened the phone and glanced at the display. "Oh, it's Mother."

"You didn't tell her you'd be going out?" Kaoru's mother was probably having a heart attack, thinking her son had been kidnapped or something. She'd probably never guess that he had voluntarily left the house after a year without leaving his room.

Kaoru frowned. "I'm sure I left her a note." But he pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello? Mother? Oh, yes. Yes, I'm fine. No, I wasn't planning on staying long." He looked questioningly at Ryou. "Oh, that sounds serious. Yes, Mother. I'll find out."

He snapped the phone closed and held it in his palm for a brief moment without saying anything.

"Well? What did she say?"

Kaoru rubbed his shoulder. "You don't have to let me stay if you don't want to, but I'm afraid I won't be able to get back home tonight. There's been an accident along the train route and service has been suspended for at least a few hours. It's already late and it would be easier to stay here, but if you would rather, I can try and find a hotel room."

Ryou sighed. "Don't bother. You can crash here for the night."

"Thank you, Ryou. I'm so glad."

"Whatever. No big deal. Now, about what you're going to eat for dinner…"


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: I love all the awkwardness between the boys. I think I might like torturing poor Ryou just a little too much. But once he stops trying to resist Kaoru's prettiness it will all go much easier for him. Too bad he's stubborn. XD

Disclaimer: It'd be really nice to own .Hack and not have to go to work at the grocery store every day. Boo.

Figuring out sleeping arrangements was probably the hardest part of having Kaoru spend the night. Ryou wasn't about to let a guest sleep on the couch and Kaoru wasn't about to let Ryou give up his bed for him. In the end, Ryou had reluctantly decided that they would both sleep in the bed.

"But don't try anything funny," he warned Kaoru. "You start groping me and I'll kick you so hard your ass will come out your ears."

"I would never take advantage of you," Kaoru assured him, sounding a little hurt that Ryou would ever think of such a thing.

Ryou still wasn't happy about the arrangement, but he didn't think Kaoru was capable of anything more than trying to cuddle with him. And while annoying, that could be tolerated for one night.

"You didn't pack any pajamas, did you?"

"I'm sorry, Ryou. I wasn't planning on spending the night."

Ryou sighed. "You can borrow some of mine for tonight." He squinted at Kaoru, trying to gauge his side. Kaoru was definitely skinny, but the fluffy sweater made it difficult to see exactly how skinny. "Take your shirt off, Kaoru. I have to see what you look like without it."

Kaoru backed up, an expression of surprise flitting across his face. "Ryou, I, you want me to get undressed? I don't think….we hardly know each other."

Ryou felt his face grow hot. "I'm not asking you to get naked, damnit. I just need to see the size on your stupid sweater."

Kaoru ducked his head and slowly lifted the sweater up and over his head. Ryou was aghast at how much skinnier Kaoru was than he thought. The man was nothing but skin and bones.

Kaoru shuddered and wrapped his arms around his chest. "Ryou? Do I need to stay like this for much longer? I'm getting cold."

"Of course you're cold. You're a stick. Holy shit. I almost want to pin you down and force feed you until you don't look like you're starving to death."

Kaoru took a step backward, panic briefly rising up in his eyes. "Ryou, please. I bruise easily."

"I'm not going to hurt you. But you're not leaving tomorrow until I've made you breakfast. And none of that bullshit about not being hungry."

"I understand. Now, may I please put my shirt back on?"

Ryou huffed. "Sure, put your shirt back on. But I'm not going to forget about how skinny you are." He didn't know how anyone could be so oblivious to their own health. Of course, Kaoru spent so much time online that he didn't exactly have anyone who would notice how frail he was getting. Except, maybe his parents.

"I can't believe your mother let you get this skinny."

"I rarely see my mother."

"I'm sorry. That must be rough." Ryou knew what it was like to rarely see his father. He was always working late at the office and going on business trips. It made doing things as a family a lot more difficult.

"She's usually home," Kaoru said. "We just live in separate spheres of the house."

"How the hell do you manage to get yourself that isolated? You'd have to leave your room sometimes, right? To go to the bathroom or to get something to eat?"

"I have my own bathroom that connects to my room. And I'm not allowed to go into the kitchen. Mother does all the cooking and brings my meals to my room."

Ryou was speechless. Kaoru's mother probably hadn't seen her son in over a year, and they were living in the same house, living their own completely separate lives just a few feet away from each other.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Ryou. I don't lead an exciting life like you do, but it suits me."

"No, it doesn't," Ryou snapped. "This isn't the kind of life for anybody. But we'll talk about this later. I want to get some sleep." Spending the day with Kaoru had been much more exhausting than training with Endrance.

"You don't have any pajamas that would fit me, do you?"

Ryou grimaced. It was doubtful. He had a pair or two shoved in the bottom of his dresser that were a size too small for him, but while they might fit Kaoru's tiny waist, they would probably be a little short on him. Oh well. Ryou dug them out of the dresser anyway. He was a little ashamed that he had once worn pajama pants with fluffy white clouds on them, but he knew Kaoru would never think less of him.

In fact, Kaoru seemed downright thrilled. He clutched them to his chest as if they were made of silk. "Thank you, Ryou. I'm sure these will be the nicest pajamas I've ever worn, just because you wore them first."

Ryou groaned. "Just promise me you're not going to sniff them or anything."

Kaoru looked at him blankly. "Why would I do that? Do they need to be washed?"

"Just don't be weird, okay? Go change in the bathroom."

Ryou quickly changed into his own pajamas and flopped across the bed. He was already exhausted and it was barely after ten. He usually stayed up until midnight every Saturday.

"Ryou? Are you asleep?"

Ryou opened one eye. Kaoru didn't look quite as ridiculous as he had thought. The pants were a few inches too short, but they seemed to fit otherwise.

"Heh. Those stupid clouds don't look half bad on you."

"And you look very good in red," Kaoru replied. "Red is such a passionate color. It suits you perfectly."

Ryou wasn't quite sure how to react to that, so he settled for pretending Kaoru hadn't said anything. "Good-night, Kaoru." He hurriedly huddled under the covers and rolled over, hoping Kaoru would get the hint.

There was a long silence before he heard the bed shift and felt Kaoru slip under the covers beside him. To his great relief, Kaoru was staying on his side of the bed. He wasn't touching him or trying to cuddle with him. He might wake up to find that Kaoru had gotten aggravatingly close while he slept, but he wasn't going to worry about that. At the moment, he felt far too warm and relaxed to care.

He woke early the next morning, the haze of warmth long vanished. Sometime in the middle of the night he had managed to kick off all the blankets and had just sprawled across the entire bed with his shirt hitched up halfway on one side. No wonder he was freezing. He grumbled and sat up to retrieve the blankets only to find Kaoru perched at the foot of the bed, his knees drawn into his chest.

"How long have you been up?"

"A few hours, maybe? I couldn't sleep very well."

Ryou groaned. "Let me guess. You were up all night fretting about not being online."

"Why should I worry about being online? You're right here." Kaoru reached out as if to pat his shoulder and then pulled back as if he thought better of it. "The only one I worry about is you. You didn't seem to have a very restful night."

"It's not like-Aw, shit. I kicked you out of the bed, didn't I?"

"It's okay, Ryou. I don't sleep more than a few hours a night anyway."

"You don't eat and you don't sleep. How the hell are you still alive?"

"Really, Ryou. I'm fine. You needn't worry about me." The small shiver didn't really strengthen his claim.

Ryou sighed and slipped out of bed. "I'll make you some hot tea. But in the future, if I start hogging the bed, just shove me over. I'm a heavy sleeper."

Kaoru lifted his head from his chest. "In the future?"

"Well, yeah. If I'm going to get you healthy, we're going to have to meet up again. I can't have you keeling over dead one day. We need everybody to be strong."

"Thank you, Ryou. I want to be stronger, to be someone worthy of you."

It would be nice if Kaoru wanted to be healthy for his own sake, but even trying to please him meant that Kaoru would get healthier. And that was what really mattered. Kaoru was already pretty attractive. If he put on a little weight and stopped acting so desperately needy, Ryou really wouldn't mind spending more time with him. Maybe even-No, he was not going to think about that.

He gave the frail, shivering man a sidelong look. How could he possibly have feelings for someone who could probably be blown over in a gust of wind? He was supposed to be making Kaoru stronger. If he started feeling sorry for him, he wouldn't have the strength to make Kaoru change. That was probably why Kaoru's mother had let him slowly become a recluse. She was too weak to force Kaoru to get out of the house and socialize, to tell him that unless he ate a full meal, she would take away his internet privileges. But Kaoru seemed to do well with tough love. He remembered how well Endrance had responded to being told to man up and rejoin the fight instead of hiding from the pain.

"You're going to have to prove that to me. I'm making breakfast and you better eat every last bite."

Kaoru smiled. "If you make it, I'm sure it will be delicious."

Ryou huffed and stomped into the kitchen. He had made Kaoru a tofu and vegetable stir-fry for dinner, but even though he had made it, Kaoru still had eaten just a few bites. He would probably have to tie Kaoru to the chair and tell him he wouldn't let him go until he had eaten. He still had no intention of letting Kaoru leave his apartment without a good bowlful of rice porridge, at the very least.

He watched Kaoru play with his phone as he cooked the rice. It would be so easy to just hold Kaoru hostage for a few days. Kaoru wouldn't be able to find his way back to the train station without his guidance. But that wouldn't be fair to Kaoru's mother. She was probably halfway to a heart attack seeing Kaoru out of the house and he didn't want to kill her off by keeping him.

Kaoru slipped in next to him as Ryou began dishing up the bowls of porridge. "Mother says the trains are running again."

"In a hurry to leave?"

Kaoru fidgeted. "I'd like to stay, but…"

"The World, right?"

Kaoru sighed unhappily. "I can't help imagining that another crisis has presented itself in our absence."

Ryou frowned. It would be just the sort of thing that would happen. Crises had a hell of a way of showing up with the worst possible timing. But whatever it was, it would have to wait until after breakfast. He wasn't going to let Kaoru get away that easily.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: I had to go back and watch a few Redemption cutscenes because I'd forgotten a little bit of the storyline. But now that research is done, things should be more accurate now.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned the .Hack boys, because then the game would be filled with make out sessions. More fun for everyone!

To his credit, Kaoru actually finished a small bowl of rice porridge. He took a little longer to eat than Ryou had expected, but he had eaten everything that he been given. It was a good start.

"So, are you ready to leave now? Do you have your phone and whatever shit you brought?"

"Yes, Ryou." Kaoru clutched the backpack to his chest. "I'm ready."

Even though Kaoru had all his stuff with him, he didn't look ready to leave. Ryou sighed and held out his hand. "I'll stay with you until the train comes, okay? I'm not kicking you out of the apartment to fend for yourself."

"Oh, I know that. I just…well, never mind. I'm sure I'll be okay by your side."

Ryou wasn't quite convinced by Kaoru's words, but he had seemed fine when they first left the apartment. But as they got closer to the train station, Kaoru became increasingly nervous until he finally reached for Ryou's hand. Ryou let him hold his hand. Anything that would give Kaoru a little courage and keep him from getting lost in the crowd of morning commuters.

The train station was actually busier than it was the previous afternoon, although there were no longer any teenage girls hanging around giggling. Ryou directed Kaoru back to the bench below the map, hoping the familiarity of it would soothe Kaoru's nerves a little. But Kaoru remained just as nervous and twitchy until the train pulled up.

"Well, the train's here," Ryou said. "You might want to get in line to board."

Kaoru nodded and fiddled with the ticket in his hand.

"You'll be fine. Didn't you say that your mother was going to meet you at the station?"

Kaoru hugged him suddenly. "Thank you, Ryou. Thank you for everything."

Ryou was embarrassed by the display. "Come on. It's not like we'll never see each other again."

Kaoru slowly pulled away from him. "You mean that?"

"I promised I'd get you healthy, didn't I? I'm going to keep that promise."

"I'm glad. I look forward to seeing you again. That hope will sustain me until I am back safely in my bedroom."

Ryou grimaced. Well, whatever it took to get Kaoru going.

The final people were boarding the train and Kaoru only just made it. Ryou was sure if Kaoru had his way, he wouldn't have to get back on the train, wouldn't have to sit with a group of strangers. But he had to do it. It was good for him.

Ryou took the long way back to his apartment, wandering through the center of the city. His hand still felt sweaty from Kaoru's nervous grip. He needed a little air, a little space to breathe before heading back to his apartment.

When he arrived home, the apartment seemed a lot quieter and emptier without Kaoru. The man had been awkward as hell, but Ryou had been glad for the brief human interaction. He hadn't realized how much he missed talking with someone face to face. Now that Kaoru was gone, he felt lonelier than ever. There was nothing to do now except return to the World.

Ryou's first stop in the World was the site of the battle with Ovan. Staring at the Tri-Edge symbol marring the Lost Ground, he thought about every past encounter with Ovan. It was probably unhealthy to keep brooding over his mistakes, but he couldn't help feeling like an idiot. Ovan had been Tri-Edge the whole time, watching as he chased down the wrong guy. Well, he knew better now. He didn't know where Ovan was, but he'd hunt him down eventually. He was not going to back down from this fight. However long it took, he would finish this.

He was brought out of his introspection by the sound of voices calling his name. Kuhn and Pi were running up the path towards.

Ryou was surprised to see them. "What are you guys doing here?"

"It's unusual for you to be offline all weekend," Pi explained. "After the battle with Ovan, we were afraid you might have done something foolish."

"You really thought I quit the World?" He snorted. "As if that would ever happen."

Kuhn sheepishly scratched the back of his head. "Well, not exactly. If anything, we thought you'd go running after Ovan on your own."

"Well, I haven't, obviously. So you guys can quit worrying about me."

Pi frowned. "As an epitaph user, you should know we'd be alarmed if you went offline without warning. We sent e-mails and received no response. What else were we supposed to think?"

"And you couldn't possibly consider that I have a life outside the World?"

Ryou was getting more and more irritated with each passing second. He knew Pi and Kuhn meant well, but he wasn't a child. He didn't need them constantly following after him and worrying that he'd be getting in over his head. Hadn't he showed that he could keep his emotions from getting the best of him?

Before Haseo could tell Pi and Kuhn how he really felt about them, he was saved by the arrival of a familiar purple and white blade brandier.

"Haseo," Endrance murmured. "I knew I would find you here."

"Hey, Endrance." Ryou was glad he had arrived. Endrance, at least, wouldn't be badgering him. In Endrance's eyes, Haseo could do no wrong.

"I don't think I thanked you properly for the wonderful day we spent together. Mother was so happy to see me out of the house."

"I'm glad," Haseo said.

"Wait, you and Endrance know each other in real life?"

Ryou was amused by the shocked expression on Kuhn's face. "Oh, you didn't know Endrance and I were hanging out this weekend? You should have noticed that he was offline all this weekend too. But, let me guess, you were only watching me."

"It's for your own good," Pi said. "You were closer to Ovan than any of-"

"Can it," Haseo said. Ryou was in no mood for explanations.

There was a long, awkward silence broken by Kuhn's nervous cough. "So, you and Endrance. What could the two of you possibly do outside of the World? Play other videogames?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Don't be silly. We have plenty to do outside the World." In the entire day that Kaoru had spent with him, the computer hadn't been turned on even once. Ryou was pleased to realize what progress he had already made getting the net addict healthier.

"So, what could you possibly do together?" Kuhn repeated.

"We had so many things to do together," Endrance said. "So many things to discover about each other."

"And I discovered Endrance is a stubborn bastard about them what you said to me last night when I tried to cook for you."

Endrance stared at him blankly and Haseo huffed. "You know, the bit about not needing any soup or anything."

Endrance's face brightened with recognition and he reached out a hand to stroke the air in front of Haseo's cheek. "Your love warms my heart far better than soup ever will."

Kuhn snickered. "You didn't feed him? Come on, Haseo, that's no way to treat your date."

"It wasn't a date, idiot. And of course I gave him something to eat. You think I don't share any of my food with guests?"

"You shared more than a meal with me," Endrance said softly. "You shared your home with me and your bed. I'm eternally grateful."

Kuhn started laughing and Haseo reddened. "He doesn't mean it like that, okay? It's not a sex thing. He just spent the night."

"Are you sure it wasn't a date?" Kuhn choked out, before dissolving into more laughter.

Pi crossed her arms over her chest, looking far from amused. "Haseo, do you really think this is wise?"

"What's the harm in hanging out offline for a day? If you guys are really going to ride my ass about this, I'll give you my cellphone number. And Endrance's too, if you really feel you have to keep track of us all."

Pi lowered her voice. "Haseo, you need to be careful around Endrance. You shouldn't be leading him on like this if you don't have feelings for him."

"I'm not leading him on." He glanced at Endrance, who was waiting patiently for another chance to speak to him, after Pi was done chastising him.

"If you'll excuse me," he said, pushing past Pi. "Endrance and I have plans today. Just so you don't get freaked out, we're going training. Come on, Endrance."

Endrance was only too happy to follow after him. Ryou did like to train with Endrance. Endrance was an excellent fighter and would never slow him down. But more than anything, he wanted another chance to talk with him alone. If he was going to be serious about checking up on Kaoru's health, they needed to plan the next time he could come visit.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Ryou is being very stubborn and wants to avoid the romance bits for as long as he can, but Kaoru and I are slowly dragging him into it. The boys will get their cuddles eventually. XD

Disclaimer: I would love to own these boys. But I own a laptop. Her name is Sadie. I'm sure you're all very jealous.

Haseo crossed his arms over his chest and regarded Endrance's lithe form as the blade brandier struck the last blow against the Death Kettle that had gotten too close to them. The monsters were too weak to present much of a challenge, so the battles were all over fairly quickly. Endrance took the lead in every fight and Ryou was content to sit back and let him do most of the work. He didn't usually get a chance to pay much attention to the aesthetics of battle, being too busy worrying about getting killed. But it was nice to have a chance to watch Endrance fight. He moved like a dancer with graceful, elegant-

Haseo groaned and put a hand to his forehead. "Damn. I'm starting to sound like Saku."

Endrance sheathed his sword. "What was that, Haseo?"

"Nothing. Now, uh, where were we before that kettle showed up?"

Endrance turned his head, the long strands of blue hair settling over his shoulder only to be carefully tucked back behind his ear. Ryou had become transfixed by that simple motion and he realized belatedly that Endrance had been talking.

"What was that? I think my computer froze up for a second."

"We were discussing the cost of the train trips to come see you."

"Oh. Right." Ryou knew full well that he couldn't expect Kaoru to come over every day. It wasn't fair to expect Kaoru's mother to pay for both tickets every day and while the train tickets weren't that expensive, Ryou couldn't afford to spend that sort of money daily.

"You're going to have to promise to keep eating right even when you're at home," Ryou warned. "I can't be there all the time to make you eat so you're going to have to motivate yourself."

Endrance nodded. "Anything for you, Haseo."

Ryou knew he was lucky that Kaoru was so passive. He didn't seem to mind being told what to do and seemed to like having someone fuss over him. Ryou knew that if their positions were switched he would hate being nagged about his health. Ruefully, he reflected on how he had reacted to Pi and Kuhn's badgering.

"But I promised you that we would meet up again. You want to try visiting on the weekends? You can come over Friday afternoon, just like before and go home again on Saturday whenever you feel like it. Hell, you can even stay until Sunday if you want. But Monday I go back to school."

"You mean that, Haseo?"

"What, you think I didn't think I'd keep my word? What kind of person do you take me for?"

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," Endrance assured him. "Your words were a great comfort to me and I could have been content with that. But I'm so happy you haven't changed your mind."

Haseo put a hand on his hip. "Knockoff the martyr business, okay? It doesn't suit you." He swung his scythe around in a wide circle, hoping for an enemy, even a weak one, to show itself. He needed to vent his frustration on something besides Kaoru.

"Mother worries as well. She was glad to see me out of the house with a friend, but she's afraid that won't continue."

"Well, you can tell your mother I want you over at my place every weekend." Haseo rushed for the nearest kettle, dealing a savage blow to begin the battle.

"Every weekend?" Endrance asked, as soon as the fight concluded.

"Why not? I have to keep an eye on you and make sure you're not slacking off while I'm not watching. And it's the weekend. Neither of us really have plans, right?"

"You don't have schoolwork?"

"Nah. It's pretty easy stuff this month. We're coming up on the winter holiday, so the teachers are taking it easy on us."

"Oh. Then I suppose it will work."

"Great. We'll meet again next Friday, same time."

"I look forward to it," Endrance murmured.

The rest of the field was cleared in fifteen minutes. Now that things were settled between them, Ryou felt the tension lift from him. He almost regretted having to log off once they were back in town, but it was getting late and he needed to start making dinner.

But that didn't mean he couldn't keep in contact with Kaoru. He brought his phone into the kitchen with him and took a picture of the potatoes, onions, and carrots on the counter. He smirked as he sent a text to Kaoru.

_When I'm done with you, you're going to be eating this much._

Kaoru replied almost instantly: _In a week, perhaps. Is that for curry?_

Ryou seized the opening for conversation. Did Kaoru like curry? He didn't know a lot about Kaoru's food preferences and with some distance, Kaoru would probably truthfully admit to his likes and dislikes instead of insisting he liked everything Ryou made.

For someone who ate so little, Kaoru was surprisingly talkative about food. Ryou ended up sitting on the edge of the counter, texting back and forth with him, dinner momentarily forgotten. Kaoru actually loved curry, provided there was no meat in it, although he preferred mild or sweet curry. Kaoru didn't seem to care much for spicy foods. He liked things simple and rather plain.

Ryou liked his food to have more flavor, but it wouldn't be too hard accommodating Kaoru's tastes. He had plenty of rice he could cook up and Kaoru could just eat it without any spices. And he still had tofu left in the fridge so Kaoru would get a little protein in his diet.

Ryou slid off the counter and browsed through his pantry. Besides rice, he had a few boxes of noodles and muffin and bread mixes his mom had left him because she knew he didn't have the patience to cook from scratch every day.

His phone was vibrating on the countertop when he stepped back out of the pantry. He glanced at it and grimaced. Kaoru wanted to know how the curry turned out. He sighed and surveyed the vegetables and box of curry powder still sitting on the counter.

_And what are you eating tonight? I don't want to hear that you're not hungry._

_Don't worry, Ryou. I keep my promises as well._

Ryou smiled, almost hearing the amusement in Kaoru's words.

_You haven't given me an answer yet. What are you eating?_

Ryou finally tore his gaze away from the phone for the moment. He picked up a knife and began slicing the vegetables, quickly and determinedly. He would get at least this much done before he was distracted again.

The phone twitched again on the counter and Ryou sighed heavily, setting the knife down. He surveyed the stack of cut carrots and onions. Well, almost done.

_I don't think I'm going to eat very much tonight. I'm sorry, Ryou_

Before Ryou could chastise Kaoru for giving up already, there was a second message.

_Mother accidentally gave me one of the meals with meat. I'll try really hard to eat around it, but please don't think too badly of me._

Ryou frowned. The last thing he needed was to have Kaoru make himself sick eating foods that disagreed with him, just because Ryou wanted him to eat.

_Don't be so hard on yourself._

Ryou wished he could reach through the phone and yank Kaoru back into the apartment with him, to share his curry with him and maybe a warm cup of tea. And he would let Kaoru hold onto him if that's what he needed.

"You idiot," Ryou cursed himself, flipping the vegetables into the pot with a quick swipe of the knife. "You met him yesterday. How can you miss him already?"

He reminded himself that Kaoru had been a pain. He had been needier than Atoli and somehow as annoyingly pervy as Kuhn. Kaoru was a shut-in, completely ignorant of the world around him, socially clueless, and frail, dependent on him for everything. He was signing up to be Kaoru's mother, not his friend, not his love interest.

But he didn't seem quite able to convince himself. He wanted Kaoru back with a sudden desperation. He _needed_ him back.

Somehow he wasn't so sure anymore if the wait until Friday would be longer for Kaoru or for him.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Ryou's suddenly decided to be more cooperative so I expect in a chapter or two there will actually be willing cuddles! In other news, this fic just may end up 50 chapters long to get in all the good stuff. Damn you, short chapters of doom!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned the .Hack boys. They could live in my room and perform for my amusement ;3

Every day leading up to the weekend had been filled with a flurry of texts between the two of them. Ryou found that once he had opened the line of dialogue, there was no way to close it. He was constantly checking his phone. Every morning when he first got up, in the breaks between classes, and during lunch, and all throughout the evening.

Kaoru wanted to know everything about him. Wanted to know how his day was going, how his classes were, what he was making for dinner. The familiar ease to his questioning was a pleasant surprise. Maybe the physical distance between them was a good thing. Kaoru was more confident when he was hiding behind a screen. Maybe the fear of rejection, of saying something awkward was lessened when he didn't have to look Ryou in the eye and worry about letting him down somehow.

And Kaoru was happy to report back that he was eating better and sleeping more. _Sleeping makes the time go by faster. It brings me closer to seeing you again. My beloved._

Ryou suppressed a shudder. It was still weird to have Kaoru proclaiming his love for him so openly, but he was beginning to accept it now. It was just the way Kaoru was. It had taken time for him not to be rattled by the depths of Endrance's love and it was no difference adjusting to Kaoru. Even though Endrance often declared how his heart belonged to Haseo and how he would gladly give his life for him, he was actually remarkably level-headed. He wasn't as ruled by his emotions as Ryou had originally thought. And Kaoru would get there eventually. Ryou would gladly listen to Kaoru's murmurs of gratitude if it meant that the man had enough self-control not to cling to him like a starved kitten.

Speaking of kittens…Ryou glanced at the gray furball perched on top of his desk. Kaoru would be very surprised to see him. His lips curved into a smile at the thought. Friday couldn't come fast enough.

But the wait only seemed interminable until Friday morning dawned. And then, Ryou could feel time rushing by at lightspeed. He sat anxiously through his classes, thinking only of what he was going to do with Kaoru the entire day. He didn't feel ready. He didn't have anything planned, even though he had had a whole week to think about it. And was he really ready to face the depth of Kaoru's passionate love again, with the way it made his skin crawl? But he was running out of time to run away from the encounter. School was letting out for the day and he found himself mechanically heading towards the train station.

Kaoru was sitting on the bench under the map, fiddling with his phone. But he looked up as Ryou approached and jumped up quickly, rushing up to him and throwing his arms around his neck. "You're here!"

"Take it easy," Ryou said, trying his best to squirm his way out of Kaoru's deathgrip. Truth be told, the hug was slightly more welcome than the last one, but pride dictated that he couldn't linger in Kaoru's embrace.

"I'm glad to see you again," Kaoru said, one hand resting on Ryou's shoulder. "No text conversation can compare to the sound of your wonderful voice."

Ryou grimaced, although it was nice to see Kaoru again as well. Kaoru was already looking a little healthier. The maroon sweater was still baggy on his frame, but not nearly as baggy as the gray one had been. And Kaoru didn't look quite as pale. He was practically glowing with life and vitality.

"You're looking healthier," Ryou said, unwilling to admit that the man looked more attractive.

"It's all thanks to you," Kaoru said. "You've saved me from myself a second time now. Without your concern, without your hand reached out to me-"

"Let's not think about that," Ryou said. Kaoru was making him nervous. "Don't you want to go back to the apartment? I didn't think you liked public spaces."

"Oh." Kaoru glanced around nervously and hugged his hands to his chest. "No. You're right. I don't like it here. It's too exposed."

Ryou felt slightly guilty. Kaoru was doing so well, hardly realizing he was in public. But Kaoru had made him uncomfortable and he couldn't resist pushing Kaoru's buttons to make him feel just as miserable. He could be a real asshole sometimes.

He twitched as he felt Kaoru's hand slip into his. "I don't feel as frightened with you beside me," Kaoru said softly. "You give me strength."

Ryou's throat tightened. No matter what he could do to lash out at the man, Kaoru would always forgive him. And all he had ever done was save Kaoru once. He didn't feel worthy of this kind of love.

But he cleared his throat, put on the brave, confident mask. "Then let's get going before you freeze your skinny ass to death."

The walk back to the apartment was faster now that Kaoru wasn't fascinated by the architecture of every single building. Ryou was glad the walk was short, but he wished Kaoru had been distracted by something, anything along the way. Kaoru was doing nothing but look at him adoringly and Ryou found that he couldn't stop talking. He could only babble on about inconsequential nonsense while Kaoru smiled, understanding and acceptance pooling in his gentle grey eyes.

Once inside the apartment, Ryou felt a little more at ease. This was his space, his sanctuary. "You want anything to eat? I cooked up a bunch of rice and some tofu."

"Thank you, Ryou. I'll be happy with whatever you make me."

Ryou dished up two bowls of rice and put on the water to make tea.

Kaoru silently accepted one of the bowls and headed towards the table.

"Go sit down on the couch. We can watch a movie or something." Ryou was feeling restless and twitchy. He longed to be mowing through monsters in the World, but a good action movie would work just as well.

Kaoru leaned against him as Ryou settled onto the couch beside him. "This is nice, Ryou. Romantic. Intimate."

Ryou tried to ignore him and reached for the remote. "I hope you like monster movies, Kaoru. Because that's what we're watching." The DVD for _It Bites Back _had been sitting in the player for over two weeks. It was probably a stupid, cheesy movie, but Ryou had desperately wanted to see it at the time. But then, he had been distracted with Kaoru and had never got around to actually watching it.

The movie was definitely cheesy. The actors were shouting out the obvious, the screams of terror seemed faked and the monster was some kind of genetically mutated dog that had grown to the size of a horse and was rampaging through town biting people. And Ryou was loving every second of it.

"Holy shit," Ryou said. He had jumped, just a little, as the dog jumped out from behind a house and tore a patrolling policeman to shreds in seconds and then vanished back into the night.

Kaoru shuddered beside him and leaned in closer, his chin on Ryou's shoulder as if he wanted to hide behind him. "I don't think I like this movie. It's frightening."

"It's just a movie, Kaoru. You have to understand that the monsters stay on screen and they're not going to-"

Ryou was ashamed of the shriek that left his mouth as a blur of gray fur launched through the room and then claws settled into the back of his neck. "Aaagh, what the hell?"

He swatted at the back of his neck and was rewarded with a loud hiss. Oh, yes. The fucking cat.

The cat leaped off and bounded across the room, settling itself right on top of the TV, its twitching tail sweeping across the screen.

"Oh, you bitch-ass motherfucker." Ryou huffed and paused the movie. "Fine, I'll feed you."

Kaoru straightened up from behind Ryou's back. "You have a cat? I didn't know that."

"It's a stray. He's been hanging around the apartment complex. He's an ungrateful little bastard, but I couldn't turn him away." Ryou sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I kept thinking of you and your…cat."

Kaoru crouched in front of the TV, holding up the back of his hand for the cat's inspection. "Does he have a name?"

"No, not really. I've been calling him Bastard Bitch. But that's not exactly a name." Ryou smirked.

Kaoru didn't seem to have heard him. Somehow, he had gained enough of the cat's trust to be allowed to gently stroke his head with one finger, although the cat was still regarding him warily. "Ah, Ryou. I didn't think I could be any more attracted to you, but I'm overwhelmed by the kindness in your heart. You truly seek and save the lost, no matter who they might be."

Ryou felt a shiver down his spine. Only Kaoru could be so sincere, so earnest in his praise. And it was just a stupid cat.

"I'll go get him some food," Ryou said. He needed to get away, bring himself back under control.

Ryou opened the cat of cat food and dumped half of into a bowl. It smelled disgusting, but the cat always gobbled it down.

"Alright. Come over here, you fucking cat. Get down from the TV and let us finish-"

He stopped. The cat wasn't on the TV anymore. In fact, was gone from the living room altogether. And Kaoru was missing as well.

"Kaoru? Hey, where'd you go? We're not done with the movie yet."

Ryou padded into his bedroom and stopped cold. Kaoru was sprawled out across his bed, fast asleep, the blonde hair spread out beneath his head like a fan. And the cat, the irritating little furball who bit him every time he tried to pet him, was curled up at Kaoru's side.

Well. That was just….adorable.

Ryou carefully backed out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Kaoru needed as much sleep as he could get. If the furry little fucker gave him peace, then so be it.

He tossed the bowl of cat food back in the fridge and settled down on the couch to finish up the movie. It wasn't the same without Kaoru beside him, but he didn't need to make Kaoru watch when he obviously hated scary movies. But as the young couple cowered together in the basement, shivering as they held onto each other for dear life, he couldn't help but miss Kaoru's hands clutching his arm.


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: I might have to change the rating to M. There will be some sexytimes later and besides, Ryou swears like crazy. But "bitch-ass motherfucker" is the most awesomest thing to say. I love it.

Disclaimer: If I owned the .Hack boys, there would be a lot less fighting. AIDA would be defeated with cuddle power….which probably isn't the greatest idea.

Kaoru padded back into the living room an hour later, just as Ryou was finishing off a bag of spicy lentil chips. "Oh good, you're awake." Ryou guiltily stuffed the chip bag between the couch cushions. "I was just about to start dinner." He didn't want to admit that he had been snacking as he waited, unwilling to eat dinner without him.

"You should have woken me up," Kaoru said, his voice still husky with sleep. "I came to spend time with you."

"Why would I wake you? You kept that damn cat out of my hair for a while."

Kaoru smiled. "He's still asleep. I didn't want to disturb him, so I left him on your bed. Is that okay?"

"It's fine. I'll kick his ass out when it's bedtime."

Kaoru hesitated. "You really don't mind that I napped with your cat? You don't need to hide if you're unhappy with me."

Ryou touched his shoulder. "I like seeing you sleep. You need all the sleep you can get to make up for all your bad habits."

"You're so good to me, Ryou. But I don't like to sleep during the day. I still feel tired, just as tired as when I first laid down."

"Naps will do that to you," Ryou said. He felt a little sympathy, remembering his freshman year, when he had fallen asleep doing homework and had felt tired and unfocused for the rest of the evening. But he couldn't feel too bad for Kaoru. Maybe if he was worn out, he would actually sleep through the night.

Ryou steered Kaoru to the couch. "Pick out another movie and I'll microwave some edamame for snack."

"What happened to dinner?"

"I'll let you wake up a little first."

Kaoru didn't argue and Ryou flopped down on the couch with the bowl of edamame. Kaoru reached for one and chewed slowly.

Ryou nudged him. "So, did you pick a movie?"

Kaoru started. "Oh, uh, yes. Sorry, Ryou." He popped another edamame in his mouth and smiled sheepishly. "Where are my manners?"

"So, what did you pick?"

"I've never seen it, but I thought maybe _The Secret Garden_?"

Ryou groaned. "Really?" It was probably the only movie he owned that he considered boring. His mother had given it to him when he first moved into his apartment, calling it a classic that everybody needed to own. But he had never even opened the damn thing.

Kaoru faltered. "Oh, am I not going to like that one?"

Ryou exhaled slowly. It was just a movie. Kaoru put up with his monster movie and he could put up with some sentimental bullshit. Kaoru would probably like it, even if just to admire the flowers.

"Nah. It's a good movie. It's a little slow, but you're tired. You probably won't be able to keep up with an action movie right now anyway."

Kaoru started the movie and almost immediately, he was clinging to Ryou's arm again. Ryou had forgotten about the dead parents and mysterious creepy noises in the beginning of the movie. So it wasn't as bad as he thought. But poor Kaoru.

After all the mystery of the beginning was revealed, Ryou lost interest in the movie. He yawned and shifted, trying to keep focused. It didn't help that Kaoru was leaning heavily against him. There was nothing to be frightened about anymore and Kaoru had still wrapped himself tightly around him.

Ryou nudged him. "Hey, Kaoru? Can you hear me?"

There was no answer from Kaoru. Ryou paused the movie. "Kaoru, if you think the _Secret Garden _is scary-"

Kaoru sighed and nuzzled deeper against Ryou's back. Ryou could feel his warm, heavy breath across his neck. Goddamn it. He was asleep again.

With effort, Ryou pushed Kaoru off of him. He gritted his teeth and carefully gathered Kaoru into his arms to lift him off the couch. Kaoru didn't weigh much, but he was certainly unwieldy when he was asleep. Ryou managed to get Kaoru off the couch, but he doubted he could carry him all the way into the bedroom. He eased Kaoru down onto the carpet and tried to think.

Kaoru stirred and his eyes fluttered open. "Ryou? I'm sorry I dozed off again."

Ryou put his hands on his hips. "That's what happens when you don't sleep. You push yourself to the point of exhaustion and then, you just collapse." He sighed. "I think the evening is over."

"But, Ryou, it's only 9. I can stay awake a little longer. It's too early for a Friday night."

Ryou put on his best scowl and glared down at Kaoru. "I don't want to hear it. We're going to bed right now. You need sleep and I'm tired." He poked Kaoru with his foot. "Get up. I don't want you falling asleep on the floor."

He could tell Kaoru was a little hurt by his tone, judging by the way he hunched his shoulders, but Kaoru would forgive him once he was in Ryou's nice comfy bed instead of the floor.

Ryou changed in the bathroom and gave his teeth a once over to give Kaoru a little time to get situated before he climbed into bed. As before, he immediately turned his back to Kaoru and tried to sleep. Kaoru was right. It was really early to be in bed on a Friday night. He had felt sleepy watching the movie, but now he wasn't quite ready to fall asleep. He shifted, trying to make himself comfortable, reminding himself that he had to go to bed for Kaoru's sake.

"Ryou, are you alright?"

Ryou tensed as he felt Kaoru's fingers brushing the back of his neck. "Kaoru, what the hell are you doing?"

"I want to help." The slender fingers were now working their way through his hair.

"You're not helping," Ryou hissed. "You're being weird. Stop touching me."

"It's not weird. Mother used to do this when I couldn't sleep. It's very comforting."

"Goddamnit, Kaoru. You're not my mother. Cut it out."

"Humor me, Ryou. Just relax."

Ryou huffed. He didn't see how he could possibly relax. Kaoru made him nervous when he put his hands all over him. But he had to admit, Kaoru was barely touching him, just petting his hair. It was weird, but it didn't hurt or anything. In fact, after the initial shock had worn off, it actually felt kind of nice. The repetitive motions were soothing and Ryou found himself leaning back into Kaoru's touch.

"Just don't do anything else, okay?" Ryou said. He felt drowsy and relaxed.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Kaoru said. "Good-night, Ryou."

Ryou woke the next morning to find Kaoru's hands still running through his hair. He groaned and rolled over. "Did you actually sleep or were you playing with my hair all night?"

One look at Kaoru's face told him the answer. Kaoru looked refreshed and alert.

"I was sleeping," Kaoru said. "But the cat came in an hour ago."

"Damn cat," Ryou said. He usually closed the door when he went to bed or else the cat would jump up on the bed and start kneading him with his claws in the morning. "I hope the little brat didn't cut you too bad."

"He wouldn't do that. He's a good cat. But he is quite noisy." Kaoru chuckled. "He sat right in the middle of the bed and meowed until I got up. I was afraid he would wake you, but I guess you really are a deep sleeper."

Ryou crossed his arms over his chest. The little furball was only a good cat for Kaoru.

"I thought about waking you," Kaoru said. "The sunrise was really beautiful this morning. I wish we could have shared it together." His fingers gently caressed Ryou's cheek.

"Well, there's always tomorrow," Ryou said. He couldn't bring himself to squirm away from Kaoru's touch quite yet. He still felt warm and sleepy. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad waking up like this every morning.


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: And now for some more moments of awkward hilarity. So much awkward. Poor boys.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned some .Hack boys so I could proudly show them off to the world….but I guess this fanfiction will do XD

There was nothing wrong with enjoying Kaoru's touch, Ryou concluded. It was natural to like attention and Kaoru's hands were so soft. He could almost fall back asleep with Kaoru's gentle hands easing the tension out of his shoulders.

He roused himself with difficulty. Kaoru was awake and energized and he didn't want to miss the opportunity. "I think I should take you to see the park today," he mumbled into the pillow.

Kaoru's thumb pressed against a knot in his back and Ryou gasped. Damn, did that feel good. "They have a rose garden."

"That sounds lovely. Our own secret garden."

"It's not exactly a secret," Ryou said. "But it's usually pretty quiet. You can handle a few people, right?"

"I could do anything with you at my side, Ryou." Kaoru's fingers traced small circles on his back.

"Would you stop that? I can't think."

Kaoru withdrew his hand. "Am I hurting you?"

"No. It's just…you're distracting me, okay? I know you don't want to go out in public, but you're not going to keep me in bed all day with your…whatever it is you're doing." Ryou moved to the far side of the bed and drew his knees up in front of him protectively.

Kaoru looked down at his hands in wonder. "I didn't know I could do that," he said.

Ryou looked away, feeling his face grow hot. "There's a little restaurant in the garden where we could have tea."

"A restaurant?" Kaoru said doubtfully.

"Well, it's not like a normal restaurant with lots of people in it or anything. I don't know what you would call it…a café, maybe? It's mostly just a bunch of adults sitting around drinking tea and looking at the scenery."

"So it will be quiet there. Peaceful."

"Yeah. It should be. Mom took me once a few years ago and I remember it being very quiet." He frowned. "She had me all dressed up in this stupid blue suit."

"Oh, it's a fancy place?" Kaoru wilted. "I didn't bring any nice clothes."

"You'll be fine. It's not that fancy. You just have to look mature and sophisticated. You've got that part nailed down." Despite his childlike nervous clinging, Kaoru managed to look elegant, even in pajamas. Ryou had no doubt that the café would recognize him immediately as a lover of pretty plants and welcome him inside to sip tea and eat tiny sandwiches.

Ryou tapped his finger against his cheek. "The only problem is that they probably won't let me in. I look like trouble." He recalled the difficulty his mother had had assuring the hostess that Ryou was fourteen, not a small child who would run around the restaurant coloring on the walls. Ryou had done nothing the entire time but slump down in his chair, trying to ignore his mother's rambling about the daffodils and petunias while he drank his tea. The staff had still been visibly relieved to see them go.

"Oh, Ryou. You aren't-"

"I know what we could do. I'll get dressed up all nice again. And if they still have a snit about me, you could vouch for me."

Kaoru flinched. "You want me to talk to someone?"

Ryou sighed. "Eh, forget it. You're not ready to go out in public, anyway. We'll find something to do here." He was a little disappointed. He could almost taste the tea.

Kaoru leaned into him, putting an arm over his shoulder. "But I want to do this for us."

"You're not going to freak out, are you? If you do, they'll throw us both out."

Kaoru shrugged. "If they do, we can still spend the afternoon walking in the garden together. I'd like that, Ryou." He nuzzled against Ryou's neck.

Ryou coughed and cleared his throat, feeling his face redden. "Great. So, what are we doing sitting around here? Let's get going."

Once they arrived at the park, Ryou felt his enthusiasm dwindle. He felt a little silly walking around the park in his good slacks and red button-down shirt. And it didn't help at all that Kaoru kept comparing the red to the color of the roses they walked by. Ryou was tired of looking at all the species of roses. He had forgotten how many slightly different shades of pink and red there were. And of course, there were yellow roses, white roses, and purple roses. The rose garden itself seemed endless, but Ryou knew that the rose garden was only a fraction of the flowers the park contained. He had managed to steer Kaoru towards the rose garden as quickly as possible so they wouldn't have to traipse through the herb garden, the cactus garden, or the tropical garden. Suffering through all the roses was bad enough. Ryou wasn't about to hit up every single themed garden on the path.

Ryou stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Are you hungry yet? The café's just a little past the garden." He didn't want to rush Kaoru, but maybe a gentle hint would get Kaoru moving along. After all, roses were roses. Nobody really needed to stop and look at every single rosebush in the garden.

Kaoru straightened up from his examination of the plaque in front of a bright yellow rose. "Are you hungry, Ryou?"

"Maybe a little," Ryou admitted. "It is almost noon."

Kaoru took his hand. "Then we should get going. The roses will be here all afternoon."

"Besides, there's a great view from the café."

Kaoru leaned his head against Ryou's shoulder. "I don't know how the view could get any better. Today has been wonderful so far. I'd forgotten how beautiful roses are in real life."

Ryou smiled. He was sure that to anybody watching, they looked like young lovers walking through the garden together, but at the moment, he didn't care what anybody thought. Kaoru was happy outside of the World, outside of his apartment. He had been pretty sure Kaoru would enjoy looking at the roses since he liked pretty things, but he hadn't expected Kaoru to be so at ease in such wide-open spaces. Maybe Kaoru had meant what he had said. Maybe just being at his side kept Kaoru calm. Hopefully it would be enough to get him through a cup of tea and some sandwiches.

The café was just as Ryou remembered it, faded blue paint and all. There was a wooden sign bearing the name "Green Garden Café" illustrated with vines sprouting tiny white flowers. It looked old and kitschy, like his grandmother's house. But Ryou could feel Kaoru's hand tighten around his as he hesitated in the doorway, obviously not finding it homey at all.

"Are you okay?" Ryou asked. "You don't have to do this."

"We're already here," Kaoru said in a small voice. "I might as well try."

"You're shaking," Ryou said. He rubbed Kaoru's shoulder. "I'm not letting you go on like this."

"I need to," Kaoru said. "I want to become stronger. To become someone worthy of you."

Ryou opened his mouth to protest, but he was rendered speechless as Kaoru gently eased his hand out of Ryou's grip. "I can do this," Kaoru said. "I can be strong, as long as I know you're here with me."

Ryou felt a little put out. "I've been right beside you the whole time, idiot. You're the one pushing me away."

"Please, Ryou. I don't want your help this time. You've done so much for me already and I want to do something for you. I want to show you that I can be stronger."

Ryou decided not to argue further. If Kaoru didn't want to hold his hand, it was a good thing, right? He could walk up to the counter on his own and ask for a table for him and his…well, whatever Kaoru wanted to label the relationship. He shouldn't feel hurt that Kaoru didn't want him at his side.

But Ryou felt more than a little anxious standing right inside the door, watching Kaoru walk up to the counter on his own and talk with the plump, blonde hostess. He couldn't even hear what Kaoru was saying at that distance. He supposed he could walk closer and eavesdrop, but he wasn't supposed to hover. He was letting Kaoru do this on his own, he reminded himself.

He contented himself with looking at the framed paintings hung on the wall. They weren't bad, but who wanted to see watercolor roses when the real thing was right outside the window. He smirked. That was probably how Kaoru felt now. Why settle for Endrance's roses when he could have the real thing?

He glanced over his shoulder to see how Kaoru was doing and was surprised to see that the hostess had stepped out from behind the counter and was talking intently to Kaoru, almost putting her hand on his shoulder. And there was another woman with her, nodding and listening. What the hell was going happening? He had only looked away for a moment and something weird was going on.

Kaoru's eyes met his, wide with fear. He was shaking again and he looked like he wanted nothing more than to melt down into the floor.

"Do you want me to come over there?" Ryou mouthed to him.

Kaoru shook his head. He hunched his shoulders and slowly turned to the woman speaking to him. And as she spoke, another woman walked out from the back and the three began talking amongst themselves as Kaoru pressed himself tightly against the wall.

Ryou was about to march over and rescue Kaoru whether he wanted him to or not, when the group broke apart suddenly. Kaoru all but ran over to him. "They're going to give us a table," he said breathlessly.

"What was that all about? Where they giving you-"

"Welcome to the Green Garden Café," the hostess declared. "We're honored that you chose to visit us. Right this way, you two."

Puzzled, Ryou followed after her and Kaoru towards a table right beside the window, one of the nicest spots in the café. Directly outside were beds of daffodils, tulips, and petunias. There was a hummingbird feeder hanging from the eaves and a few birds flitted between the flowers and the feeder.

"Beautiful," Kaoru said.

"I'm glad you like it. Why don't you and your caregiver have a seat?"

Ryou raised an eyebrow and shot Kaoru and amused smirk. Caregiver, eh? Well, if that's the way he wanted it, that's what he'd answer to.

He settled at the table across from Kaoru, waiting until the woman disappeared to talk to him. "I'm proud of you," he said. "You survived talking to three-" He broke off in surprise as he saw the woman returning with a plate of scones that she set down on their table.

"This will tide you over until your waitress gets here." She looked at Kaoru earnestly. "Please eat something. You need to keep your strength up."

"I keep telling him that," Ryou said. "He's just stubborn."

"You're a good boy for looking after him. I'll make sure I get Maki over here as soon as she's free." The hostess bustled back to the front of the café.

Ryou leaned back in his seat and picked up a scone. It was warm and delicious. Just what he needed.

"Damn, you're good," he said. "You've been frightened of women all these years when you could be going out and scoring free food and the nicest tables at all the restaurants."

"I don't think it would be worth it," Kaoru said. "I don't like dealing with women. They always fuss over me."

"_I_ fuss over you. What's the difference?"

Kaoru shuddered. "All of them crowding me at once. I felt trapped."

Ryou rolled his eyes. Three women hardly made a crowd, but he reached across the table and patted Kaoru's hand. "Well, you did it anyway. I'm proud of you."

Kaoru dropped his eyes. "I'm not exactly proud of the difficulty I had." He shifted sideways. "I don't think I can manage ordering anything now. My stomach's all in knots."

Ryou smirked. "Then let me take care of you." He leaned back in his chair as he eyed the waitress heading towards them. She had been the second woman talking to Kaoru. He watched her bushy black ponytail swaying as she walked. He couldn't put a finger on why, but she looked decidedly too perky. Poor Kaoru. No, he wasn't going to force him to interact with her again.

"Hi there," she said. "My name's Maki and I'll be your waitress today."

Kaoru mumbled a greeting and looked frantically to Ryou for support.

"Hi," Ryou said. "Thanks for the scones. I don't remember you guys having them the last time I was here."

"Oh, you've been here before? I thought…" she glanced at Kaoru and her brow knitted into a frown. "Didn't you say it was your dying wish to see the gardens?"

Ryou coughed, regretting reaching for a second scone. His eyes narrowed. Oh hell no. What had Kaoru gotten them into?

"I've never been here," Kaoru said in a papery whisper. "But Ryou has told me all about the beautiful rose garden and the delicious teas."

The girl perked up, seemingly satisfied with the answer. "We're so glad you chose to spend time with us. We do have a wide selection of wonderful teas. And our lunch menu is also wonderful." She lowered her voice. "And if the chemo is affecting your appetite, we can always make you up a little sample of whatever you want to try."

Ryou glared at Kaoru across the table. Kaoru cringed and sunk down in his seat, avoiding eye contact. Ryou took a savage bite of his scone, the violence soothing a little bit of his anger. "Just some jasmine tea for now. He has to take his medicine and it makes him nauseous sometimes."

The waitress nodded and scribbled on her notepad. "I understand. I'll have the tea ready for you in just a few minutes and you can let me know if you want to order anything else."

Ryou waited until the waitress disappeared into the kitchen before fixing his glare back onto Kaoru.

"Ryou, I-"

Ryou crooked a finger. "Bathroom. Now."

He got up and marched in the direction of the men's room. Kaoru trailed behind, nervously wringing his hands. "But, Ryou, I-"

Ryou slammed the restroom door shut and crossed his arms over his chest as Kaoru backed away into the corner.

"Why the hell did you tell them you have cancer? We're not trying to pull a scam and cancer's not a joking matter."

"I'm sorry, Ryou. The woman at the desk kept insisting I looked ill and she wanted to call a doctor and I didn't want her to worry about me so I tried to pick something that would explain why I look so thin." Kaoru hung his head and tugged at his shirt sleeve. "I just panicked and cancer was the first thing I could think of."

Ryou groaned and rubbed at his temples. "Well, what's done is done." He jabbed a finger at Kaoru's chest. "I don't want this story getting even more ridiculous. You let me handle the talking and you just play the diseased cancer patient."

Kaoru sighed, gazing at Ryou with sad grey eyes. "I wish I didn't look like I have cancer. I thought I was getting healthier."

Ryou touched his shoulder. Maybe he had been a little too hard on him. "You are getting healthier," he said. "They just haven't seen where you started out."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

Ryou huffed. "You are getting healthier. I'll show you. Lift up your shirt."

Kaoru looked around nervously, but he lifted his shirt up a few inches. Ryou nodded, satisfied. Kaoru was still thin, but no longer heartbreakingly skinny. He ran his hand up Kaoru's chest. "I can't feel your ribs so much anymore. You've actually gained a few pounds."

Kaoru squirmed away from him. "Ryou, that tickles."

Ryou yanked his hands back, feeling his face grow hot. What had possessed him to touch Kaoru like that?

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, well, we better get back to our table. You've gotten us both into a fine mess. I hope you know that." He sighed. "Next time you pull some stupid stunt like that, warn me. I hate having things sprung on me."

"I'll keep your preferences in mind," Kaoru said dryly.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N: Poor Kaoru and poor Ryou. I think I really like to torture the boys with awkward.

Disclaimer: I'd want to have a mansion where all my story characters could live and love…but sadly, they are not mine and they are not real people.

It was surprisingly easy to pass Kaoru off as a cancer patient. His nervous twitches and the way he slouched down in his seat seemed to be interpreted as a sign of illness. People were idiots, Ryou concluded. Thank goodness for that. He eyed the approaching waitress out of the corner of his eye. And Maki, or whatever her name was, seemed to be the worst of the bunch.

She smiled brightly. "Are you ready to order?"

"I'm not sure," Kaoru said slowly, his gaze flicking from Ryou back to the menu. "It all looks good."

"Just pick something," Ryou said. He wasn't going to choose for him. Kaoru needed to pick something he liked, not something Ryou liked.

"I could make you up a sampler plate," the waitress suggested. "So you can have a little bite of everything."

Kaoru glanced at Ryou, one eyebrow raised as if seeking approval. "That might be nice."

"Sure," Ryou said. "Let's do that."

"Perfect. It'll be ready in just a bit." She reached down to retrieve their menus and Kaoru cringed, huddling back against his chair.

"She wasn't going to hit you, idiot," Ryou hissed under his breath.

Kaoru straightened ever so slightly in his chair. "I know," he said. "I thought maybe she would try to pat my shoulder and tell me it would all be fine. I don't think I could bear it if someone touched me." He leaned forward across the table, with a faraway look in his eyes. "But you can touch me anyway you like."

Ryou's hands tightened around his teacup. It was maddening how easily Kaoru could make him blush. All he had to do was talk about all the mushy feelings he had and Ryou was bright red. He knew Kaoru wasn't doing it on purpose. Kaoru was innocent, naïve, and just wanted company. He wasn't trying to tease him. But oh god did it feel that way sometimes.

"Can you not talk like that in public?" Ryou hissed.

"Why should I hide my feelings for you?"

"You told them I'm your caretaker, right? Let's try to keep this professional."

"But I would be touched by your concern for my health and filled with overwhelming gratitude. I'd feel-"

"I get it," Ryou said. He flicked a glance towards the waitress bearing the tray of food. "Just tone it down a little, will you? You're supposed to sick."

"Oh." Kaoru slumped back down into his chair. "Suddenly, I don't think I have the strength to reach for your hand."

Ryou suppressed the urge to laugh with great difficulty. "You don't have to be so cheesy. You're-"

"Alright, one plate of everything. You guys dig in and tell me how you like it."

Ryou glanced at the platter, mentally dividing it in half. Kaoru wouldn't want anything with meat in it, so naturally Ryou would let him have all the sweet breads and the little sandwiches that appeared to just have cream cheese or jelly filling. Ryou was perfectly happy with the smoked salmon and the spicier seasoned meats on the little squares of bread.

He took the extra plates the waitress had provided and began portioning out their lunches. "You tell me if you don't like something, okay? I don't know what fruit you're into."

"I haven't had much fruit lately," Kaoru admitted. He popped a pickled plum in his mouth and winced. "I forgot how sour these things are."

"But they're good," Ryou said, helping himself to the other plum.

"This is nice, isn't it? The two of us enjoying a good meal without you having to cook for me."

"I like cooking," Ryou said. "And I like not having to eat alone all the time."

Kaoru coughed and turned his head, dabbing at his eyes. Ryou sighed. Of all the things that he had said to Kaoru, this had to be the thing that made him emotional.

Kaoru turned back and began nibbling at his watercress sandwich as he lamented that he didn't know how to cook. Ryou decided that he would pretend that little emotional outburst never happened. That seemed to be what Kaoru wanted. Ryou was glad that Kaoru at least recognized that some feelings needed to be kept private.

Ryou swallowed a bite of spicy sprout sandwich. "You can learn to cook," he said. "It's a good skill to learn if you want to become independent. You don't want your mother to be cooking for you forever. And besides, if you cook for yourself, you'll never have to worry about eating something you don't like."

"That makes sense," Kaoru said. He took a small bite out of the cream cheese and cucumber sandwich and then fell silent, staring off into space.

Ryou stared at him. Kaoru wasn't even chewing. "Hey, Kaoru, are you alright?"

Kaoru pushed his plate away. "I'll be right back," he murmured. "I'm going to the restroom."

"You better not be throwing up in there."

Kaoru smiled faintly. "Don't worry, Ryou. Everything was delicious."

Ryou frowned and looked at all the food still left on Kaoru's plate. He had eaten maybe half of the cucumber and cream cheese sandwich, a few bites of a scone, and had barely touched the mini blueberry muffin. Everything was bite-sized and Kaoru wasn't even managing to finish a single thing. He sighed and helped himself to Kaoru's muffin.

"How bad is it?"

He paused mid-bite and frowned up at the waitress. What the hell was she doing hovering around them asking stupid questions? The food was fine. She didn't need to pretend that everything sucked. Ryou hated false humility.

She coughed and turned pink. "I'm sorry. It's rude of me to ask his prognosis."

Ryou groaned and rubbed the back of his head. "He's doing better. He hasn't gotten out of the house much in the past year, but he really does like getting out to see the flowers." He propped his head on one hand. "He's not going to keel over in the middle of the restaurant, if that's what you're worried about. He's still got some time."

"That's not-well, it's good to hear he's doing okay. Did he like his food?"

Ryou shrugged. "He doesn't eat very much, but that doesn't always mean he doesn't like it. You can ask him yourself when he gets back."

"So, we're done with lunch, then?"

"Well, if you want to give us a takeout box I'm sure I can convince him to eat the rest of it later." Kaoru was probably just too nervous to eat much in public. Once they got back to his apartment, Ryou would make sure Kaoru ate more than a few nibbles of bread.

"Then you're all set." She smiled. "Thank you again for bringing him here to see us and we hope to see him again."

"No, we're not all set." Ryou tossed his wallet onto the table.

"Oh, don't worry about that. It's on the house today."

Ryou gritted his teeth. Oh hell no. He already felt guilty about the way everyone fussed over Kaoru and tried to make the experience the best for him and he wasn't about to accept free food. He tried to tell the waitress as much, but she just smiled.

"We don't have a sampler plate in the menu, so there isn't a price for it anyway."

Ryou opened his mouth for another argument, but instead grimaced as he felt a hand tightly grip his shoulder. He was happy to be a steady presence for Kaoru when people unnerved him, but surely nothing was frightening enough to squeeze his shoulder to death.

"You want to sit down for a second while our waitress gets our bill ready?" He cast a sharp glare at her, daring her to continue arguing with him.

"Yes. I need to sit. Maybe….maybe that will help."

"Kaoru?" Ryou asked hesitantly. Kaoru's voice sounded faint and unsteady.

Kaoru sagged into his chair. "I don't feel very well," he said. His eyes were watery and unfocused and he seemed barely able to keep from falling out of his chair.

"Oh fuck," Ryou said.

"Should I call a doctor?" Maki asked, her voice high-pitched with worry.

"He's fine," Ryou snapped. "He just overexerted himself." He slapped a few yen down on the table. "This should cover everything. Come on, Kaoru, let's go home."

Ryou waited until they were a good distance away from the café before he directed Kaoru over to a bench. Kaoru sank into it with a weary sigh.

"Damnit, Kaoru. If you're just acting this sick, I'm going to kill you."

"No," Kaoru said. "I really do feel terrible." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the bench. "I feel so cold and so tired. Maybe this is karma for pretending I had cancer."

"Don't say that," Ryou said sharply. "This isn't cancer. It's probably just a cold." He put a hand to Kaoru's forehead. The man definitely had a fever.

Kaoru shuddered. "Ryou, please. Your hands are cold."

Ryou sighed. "Let's get you home and get you some vegetable broth and some nice warm tea."

With difficulty, he helped Kaoru back up from the bench and put an arm around his waist, steadying him as they walked back out of the park. Kaoru seemed weaker than usual, his legs barely able to hold him upright.

Ryou was beginning to get concerned. Kaoru was so fragile. All it had taken to completely wear him out was to spend an afternoon looking at flowers and eating sandwiches. It was hardly strenuous exercise, but Kaoru looked about to faint from exhaustion.

Once they were back at the apartment, Kaoru immediately flopped down on the couch and curled into the cushions. "I know naps are bad," Kaoru mumbled, "but I really feel like taking one right now."

"You're sick. You need to get some rest. And you need to drink lots of water."

"I don't want any water. It hurts to swallow."

"If you're not going to try and take care of yourself for me, I'm sending you home right now and your mom can fuss over you."

Kaoru sighed. "I don't want to be a burden to you."

"You're not going to be a burden as long as you do what I tell you." Ryou rolled up his sleeves. "I don't care if it hurts your throat. You're going to start drinking."


	12. Chapter 11

A/N: Okay, now it's starting to get pretty good XD Kaoru is super clueless in social situations and Ryou's kind of exasperated, but Kaoru's kind of growing on him.

Disclaimer: I want to have my very own video game characters…but all I could do was make a Sims 3 version XD

By Sunday morning, Kaoru was still sick, even though Ryou had taken excellent care of him. Ryou didn't like having to send him home in his condition, but Ryou had school the next week and he couldn't be there to look after him. At least Kaoru was a little stronger. Strong enough to walk back to the train station, although he was still coughing and sniffling and looked absolutely terrible.

"I'm sorry you have to go," Ryou said. "But your mother will take good care of you."

Kaoru sighed and wiped at his watery eyes. "I doubt anyone could take care of me as well as you can, Ryou."

Ryou flushed. "It was nothing special, okay? And don't you dare hug me. I don't want to catch your cold."

Kaoru dropped his arms to his side. "Of course I don't want you to get sick, Ryou. You don't have anyone to look after you."

Ryou stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'll manage. Now, get over there and find a seat. Nobody's going to want to sit next to a sick man."

Ryou felt bad watching Kaoru shuffle over to the train. Going through the hassle of boarding was the last thing a sick person would want to do. At least the train would allow him to sit down and get comfy, provided he didn't fall asleep. Ryou made note to text him a few times to make sure he wasn't missing his stop.

Kaoru responded to the first couple of texts with complaints about being cold and that the train seats weren't as comfortable as Ryou's couch. Only when Kaoru was almost back to Kanagawa did he start sending the inevitable panicked messages about people staring at him. Ryou was by then settled at his desk with a cup of tea, itching to get back into the World. But he wouldn't, not until he had confirmation that Kaoru was back home with his mother.

Kaoru sent a final text reporting that he saw his mother waiting for him at 2 p.m. Ryou logged on immediately after that and began grinding through fields with Silabus and Gaspard. It wasn't until two hours later that he noticed that Endrance hadn't logged in yet. He hoped it meant Kaoru was getting some rest.

When he got home from school Monday afternoon, Endrance still wasn't logged in. Ryou stayed by the computer all night, dozing off and on. Regrettably, he still had school on Tuesday, but when he came home, he found Endrance waiting by Canard's new atHome in Breg Epona.

Haseo ran up to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better," Endrance said. "Almost like myself." Endrance's smooth voice sounded a little raspy, but nowhere near as bad as he had sounded on Sunday.

"I shouldn't have forced you to go out with me. Your body doesn't have any defense against germs after a year being cooped up in your room. We should have taken it slow, gotten you used to the fresh air before subjecting you to all those people."

"It's not your fault that my body is weak. I-" He broke off with a sneeze.

Haseo crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you sure you're well enough to be playing the World?"

"I should probably go back to bed," Endrance said ruefully. "But I wanted a chance to talk to you first, about this Friday."

"You're not that sick, are you? You should be okay by Friday."

"Yes, but I need you to come see me this week. You'll have to have a word with my mother."

"I'm not going to tell her to stop fussing over you. That's what she's supposed to do."

Endrance dropped his head down against one shoulder. "I was really sick yesterday. I had a high fever and I started talking about things that didn't make any sense. The World, the gardens, and Tokyo all blended together in my mind."

Ryou sucked in a breath. "Why aren't you in the hospital?"

"I'm fine now. My fever broke last night. But Mother is still worried about me."

"Well, she should be. You could have died, you know."

Endrance reached out to stroke his cheek. "She's worried that I spent all weekend wandering in a fevered daze, unable to tell the difference between reality and the World."

"You told her you were spending the weekend with me, right?"

"I couldn't tell her enough about you. I don't know your full name and I haven't quite memorized your address yet," Kaoru said sheepishly. "She still believes you're nothing but a figment of my fevered imagination."

Haseo scratched the back of his head. "I don't think I could come over for the weekend. I don't have anyone to look after the cat. The little demon would probably tear the place to shreds if I go."

"You don't need to stay long. Just long enough to meet Mother. I'm afraid she won't let me come see you again if you don't put her at ease."

Ryou grimaced. Putting people at ease was hardly his strong suit. But for Kaoru's sake, he would do his best.

The Kanagawa station was much smaller than the one in Tokyo. As the train pulled up, Ryou could see Kaoru through the window. Here, there were no large crowds to hide him.

Kaoru embraced him as he stepped off the train. "I'm so glad you came, Ryou. I've missed you terribly."

Ryou stiffened. Kaoru was nuzzling against his neck. He could feel the long blonde strands against his cheek and the delicate fingers curling around his shirt collar. "Kaoru," he hissed. "People are staring."

"Oh." Kaoru stepped back and clasped his hands in front of his chest. "I'm sorry, Ryou."

Ryou reddened and looked away. "You look…healthy," he said. There was no sign that Kaoru had been feverish and delirious just a few days ago.

"And you look so handsome," Kaoru said. He traced the curve of Ryou's collar and ran a finger down the row of buttons. "But you didn't have to get so dressed up to meet Mother."

Ryou coughed and twitched his shoulder away from Kaoru's touch. "I didn't want her to think I was some punk-ass kid."

"It's a pity," Kaoru said. "I think being a punk suits you. Those black pants with the chains fit your figure so well."

Ryou opened his mouth to argue that it wasn't what he meant, but he shut it again and swallowed hard. He knew exactly which pants Kaoru was talking about. He had been wearing them the first day he met Kaoru. They were the one he wore when he wanted to feel confident and powerful. One ex-girlfriend had complained that he just wore them so everybody would be looking at his ass.

"I don't think your mother would like the chains," Ryou said between gritted teeth.

"I like them," Kaoru said. "I like the way they move when you walk. Every step you took, I found my gaze drawn to your perfect-"

"Stop checking out my ass when I walk!" Ryou said a little too loudly. He felt eyes turn towards him and he reddened. "Let's go meet you mother, okay? We'll talk about this later. Privately."

"I look forward to it." Kaoru's hand trailed over Ryou's shoulder. "Once we are alone."

Ryou shuddered. The way Kaoru's voice dropped down made his stomach curl. What had he gotten himself into?

Kaoru led the way through the quiet Kanagawa streets. Kaoru's neighborhood was deep in the suburbs, where there seemed to be nothing but houses for miles. Ryou wasn't used to the sound of birds chirping and children giggling. In the middle of the city, all he usually heard was the noise of the traffic.

Kaoru's hand slipped into his. "Not much further," he murmured, leaning his head against Ryou's shoulder. "It's not much to look at, but it is a very cozy dwelling."

Kaoru hadn't exactly been lying when he said the house wasn't that special. There was really nothing differentiating Kaoru's house from the other nondescript beige dwellings. The yard was well-cared for, but there was nothing individual about it. No decorations, no adornments. It was plain and utilitarian, just like Ryou's apartment building.

"I'm thankful Mother met me at the station," Kaoru said. "Once I left the house, everything looked exactly the same. But this is where I live. I marked the porch with paint so I can find my way back on my own."

Ryou craned his neck to see the small splash of black paint on the wooden railing. "Smart idea," he said.

Kaoru smiled and unlinked his hand from Ryou's to knock on the door.

Immediately, there was rustling within the house. "Kaoru? What are you doing outside? Have you gotten locked out?"

The door opened and Ryou knew instantly that it was Kaoru's mother. They had the same eyes, the same jawline, the same pale blonde hair, although hers was cut short and angled sharply around her face. She was thin, too, Ryou realized, but not sickly skinny. Kaoru wouldn't have to put on that much weight to reach his family's normal figure.

Her hands tightened on the door frame. "Kaoru, who is this?"

"This is Ryou," Kaoru said, as if that explained everything.

But as she looked between the two of two of them, her guarded expression unchanging, Ryou realized that she had no idea who he was or what he was doing at the house. Kaoru hadn't told her anything. It would be up to him to try and fix the situation.

"Hi," Ryou said. "I play the World online with your son. My player name is Haseo, if that means anything."

"Oh, so you're Haseo." Her posture relaxed and she smiled welcomingly. "Kaoru's talked a lot about you. Please come in."

She disappeared into the kitchen to fix them a pot of tea. Ryou edged into the living room, eying the futon in the middle of the floor.

"Mother made me sleep out here when I was sick," Kaoru said. "She thought my room had gotten too dusty."

"She's probably right. When's the last time you dusted?"

Kaoru shrugged. "It gets dusted once a month or so. It's not that filthy." He pointed to the closed door at the end of the hallway. "I could show you if you'd like."

"No thank you." He didn't want to see the condition of Kaoru's room. From what he had been told, he would probably sprain an ankle climbing over the mounds of crap.

Kaoru's mother reappeared with a pot of green tea that she poured into small white cups for each of them. Ryou settled onto the couch next to Kaoru and Kaoru's mother sat down opposite them. Ryou sipped at his tea, feeling his stomach tighten. He knew what would come next. Every time he met the parents of a new girlfriend or boyfriend, there was always the barrage of questions. How did they meet, how did he do in school, what were his interests, what did his parents do for a living? She set her tea cup down and Ryou steeled himself for the interrogation.

"So, you've come all the way from Tokyo. It's a long journey."

"Not really. It's just an hour."

Ryou glanced at Kaoru out of the corner of his eye. He was still sipping his tea, his face impassive.

"All this way, just to see my son." She cocked her head to one side, studying him.

Ryou looked away. "Kaoru's come to see me twice already," he said. "It's only fair that I'd go to him this time."

He shifted, feeling that he wasn't making a very good first impression at all. He sounded so flippant. How was it possibly fair that Kaoru had made the journey to see him twice, battling his anxiety for an hour that must have felt interminable? Kaoru had gone through great lengths to see him. And what had he done? He had simply sat down on the train's plush seating and waited for an hour to pass. It was hardly a great sacrifice.

She stood. "Well, you must be hungry. I'll fix up some dinner. I'm afraid it won't be anything special. I wasn't expecting company." She frowned and cast a glance toward Kaoru.

Kaoru looked down and fiddled with his tea cup. "I'm sorry, Mother."

"That's okay," Ryou said quickly. "I don't need to stay for dinner."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "You've come out all this way for such a short visit?"

"I have a cat at home," Ryou said. "I need to get back to feed him." He scratched the back of his head, cursing himself inwardly. That was probably the lamest excuse he could have come up with.

"That is Ryou's nature," Kaoru said. "Always putting the needs of others above his own."

Ryou flushed as Kaoru gazed at him with deep devotion and adoration. "It's not that. It's just…I…." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared holes in the beige carpet. "Fine," he said at last.

He felt like he couldn't breathe with Kaoru's mother staring at him, assessing him. He wanted desperately to bolt out the door with Kaoru and go back to the safety of his apartment. But, he realized, this was probably how Kaoru felt all the time. Was it asking too much that he endure for a few hours what Kaoru had struggled with for his entire life?


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: I don't think I've ever read a .Hack fic with Kaoru's dad in it. The .Hack wiki says Kaoru lives with his parents, it doesn't say his dad is dead…but everyone just writes him with his mother. So, I decided to create a dad for Kaoru, even if he isn't that great.

Disclaimer: I don't own any .Hack stuff…if I did, there would be Kaoru plushies for me to cuddle as I write all the angst.

Kaoru's mother rebuffed all of Ryou's efforts to help with dinner. Mrs. Ichinose bustled around the small kitchen, tending to the rice, the stir-fry vegetables, the steamed dumplings, and the miso soup. It seemed like an elaborate meal preparation, far too much for one woman to handle. Ryou felt badly, knowing that it was only because he was a guest that she was going through so much trouble. But she insisted that she needed no help.

"We'll only be in the way," Kaoru said, gently tugging Ryou back towards the dining room. "Mother will let us set the table."

Kaoru had probably not eaten in the dining room for some time so it took him several tries before he located the correct cabinet for the plates, bowls, and cups and the correct drawer for the utensils.

Mrs. Ichinose bore the heavy bowls of hot food over to the table in several trips, again resisting Ryou's efforts to help. "Have a seat, Ryou. You're a guest. There's no need to trouble yourself." She cocked her head towards Kaoru. "Go tell your father dinner's ready."

Kaoru hesitated, hands resting on the back of the chair. "Father? He's…"

"In his office, of course. Let him know he can come eat with us if he wants."

Kaoru swallowed, the long fingers tightening around the spokes on the chair's back. "Yes, Mother," he said.

Ryou watched him walk hesitantly down the hall and wondered when Kaoru had last talked to his father. His mother brought him food every day, but his father was probably like a stranger to him now. Kaoru's posture radiated unease, his shoulders hunched and his arms crossed over his chest. He reached out for the doorknob to the office and opened the door just wide enough to lean his head in.

Ryou couldn't hear what Kaoru said to his father, but he could definitely hear Mr. Ichinose's voice raised in response.

"I'm working, damnit. Do you understand how important this is? No, of course not. You sit around all day doing nothing, you damn hikikomori. Get out of my sight!"

Kaoru jerked backwards, avoiding the stapler that hit the far wall.

"And close the damn door!"

Karou closed the door and stood motionless in the hallway for what seemed like an eternity before he walked back to the table, his head down. Kaoru dropped into his seat, his hands folded in his lap. "He must not be hungry," he said, his voice sounding shaky.

Mrs. Ichinose sighed. "Let me talk to him. I'll see what he wants to eat." She pushed away from the table.

Ryou was horrified. He had often hated his father for spending so much time working. Family vacations, birthday parties, and holiday meals had to be planned months in advance, planned around his father's work schedule. And even then, his father spent most of the time working from home. When he had gotten his apartment, his parents had celebrated by taking him out to dinner. His father had been conducting business all throughout dinner. Ryou had hated that he never had his father's undivided attention. But he knew now that the important thing was that his father had come. His father was at times distant and distracted, but he was never openly hostile. Ryou had never had reason to be afraid of him.

He understood Kaoru's tendency to withdraw inwards. Kaoru had learned that people were cruel and that he had no one to trust, not even his own family. He had isolated himself to avoid pain, burrowing deeper within himself every time he was hurt.

But he had to know that he was no longer alone. Ryou reached for Kaoru's hand under the table and squeezed gently, reassuringly.

Kaoru stared at him mutely, his expressive gray eyes welling with tears. There was a fragile flicker of hope in his eyes, the hope that Ryou was not going to disappoint him like all the others.

Mrs. Ichinose returned to the table, but Ryou didn't let go of Kaoru's hand. He carefully grasped his cup with his left hand and sipped the tea. It would be agonizing to eat with only one hand. The long slender fingers slipped out of his grasp. Ryou looked at him. Kaoru sipped at his tea, both hands curled around the porcelain mug, but Ryou thought he saw a faint smile. It was good enough.

"It's getting late," Mrs. Ichinose observed as she began clearing away the dinner dishes. "It'll be hard to find your way home in the dark."

Ryou opened his mouth to protest that Tokyo was rarely dark, always illuminated with bright neon lights. But Kaoru's hand found his and clasped it. "Will you stay the night?"

It wasn't a question as much as it was a plea. Ryou shifted, feeling Mrs. Ichinose's eyes upon him. "If you want me to," he said.

Mrs. Ichinose rose from the table. "Then it is settled," she said. "How lucky that we already have the futon prepared for you, Ryou. Don't worry. The bedding has been washed after Kaoru's illness."

"My room is down the hall," Kaoru said. "If you need anything in the middle of the night, don't hesitate to find me. I'll probably be awake." His eyes met Ryou's and they shared a secret smile, knowing full well how much Kaoru hoped for Ryou's company.

Kaoru slipped away to his bedroom and Ryou took his place on the futon, making a show of unfolding the sheets. Mrs. Ichinose still had work to do cleaning up the kitchen, but Ryou knew better than to offer to help. He slipped under the sheets and waited for her to head down the hall. Eyes closed, he listened to the sound of a door opening, furtive whispers and then the finality of a slammed door. Ryou grimaced. Kaoru's father probably didn't like to leave his work to go to bed either. But he could see no light from under the office door so it seemed as though both parents had retired to the bedroom.

Carefully, he lifted the covers and padded down the hallway to the last closed door. He knocked softly and the door was opened instantly. "Ryou," Kaoru whispered.

Ryou peered past Kaoru's slender form into the depths of his bedroom. In the darkness, all he could see were towering shapes. A desk, a dresser, maybe a fridge. "Where the hell is your bed?"

Kaoru shushed him. "Father hates hearing any noise in the middle of the night," he said quietly. He linked his arm with Ryou's and steered him back towards the living room.

The futon was somewhat narrower than Ryou's bed and Kaoru was pressed against him a little more tightly than Ryou would have liked. Still, the bed was warm and Kaoru's soft breath against his neck wasn't unpleasant. He drifted to sleep without trouble.

Ryou felt like he had barely gone to sleep when he felt insistent fingers against his neck and his cheek and heard Kaoru's faint voice. "Ryou, please. I can't feel my leg."

Ryou opened one eye and froze at the sight of Kaoru's face inches from his own. "Get back on your side of the bed," he hissed.

"I can't. You're pulling my hair."

Ryou's gaze traveled upwards to Kaoru's forehead, where his hand was traitorously curled around a large clump of Kaoru's silky hair. Ryou released his grip and Kaoru pulled back to a nonthreatening distance to run his hand through his hair, straightening out the mess Ryou's hand had made.

"Now, Ryou, if you wouldn't mind, my leg is going to sleep."

Ryou found he couldn't pull his leg off Kaoru's as easily as he could pull back his hand. Both their legs were wrapped within layers of blankets tighter than one was bound to a partner in a three-legged race. "Why did you let me do this to you?" Ryou muttered, carefully unwrapping layer after layer of cloth. His own leg was beginning to tingle. He could only imagine the pain for Kaoru, pinned beneath his leg.

"I was sleeping," Kaoru said.

Ryou snorted, seeing through the lie immediately. "You're not a heavy sleeper."

"Well, I was asleep at first," Kaoru admitted. "And then I thought, perhaps you wanted to cuddle."

Ryou stared at him in disbelief. "Almost pulling out a hunk of your hair is supposed to be a sign I wanted to cuddle?"

Kaoru shifted, avoiding eye contact. "You do have a forceful personality."

"I was asleep, idiot. You shouldn't read anything more into it."

Kaoru sighed and laid a hand against Ryou's shoulder. "Perhaps," he said. "But maybe we should clarify for future reference. What should I take as a sign that you want to cuddle?"

Ryou swallowed, finding himself suddenly unable to think. "Kaoru, I…I…"

"This will be my sign," Kaoru said, his thumb brushing against Ryou's collarbone. Before Ryou could react, Kaoru had his arms around his waist and was nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

Ryou was sure the squeak of surprise and his flailing arms were completely undignified. But Kaoru stayed firmly latched onto him until the burst of panic subsided. "What the hell are you doing?" Ryou hissed.

"Cuddling with you," Kaoru said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Stop it. What if your parents catch us?"

Kaoru sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'll stop."

Ryou rubbed a hand against his neck where Kaoru's lips had brushed. The skin felt almost burned.

"Why the hell do you do things like that? You just…jump on me for no reason."

"Do I need a reason other than my love for you?"

Ryou stiffened. _Love. _Kaoru just had to say it. Of course he knew Kaoru loved him. There was no way he could overlook the way Kaoru had sacrificed so selflessly to be near him. But now that the words had been said, it suddenly became painfully clear how strong Kaoru's feelings were. And how Ryou could not possibly match the depth of his feelings.

The word hung above him like a heavy weight. Pi had been right. What was he doing with Kaoru if he couldn't love him back in the way he deserved?


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: Ryou is a huge angst-muffin in this one. Silly boy. Just accept Kaoru's love and give in. But no, Ryou's too stubborn for that.

Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack…Endrance would be the ONLY marriage option for Haseo, because I am that much of a fangirl.

The thought haunted Ryou throughout the weekend. He found himself unable to look Kaoru in the eyes, unable to demand that he eat. The feeling of guilt was too strong. What right did he have to ask anything of Kaoru, even for his own good, when he had already proved that he was too selfish to consider Kaoru's feelings?

When Kaoru's touched his shoulder and stroked his cheek, Ryou didn't have the heart to fight him off. And he couldn't answer when Kaoru begged him to tell him what was wrong. He regretted making Kaoru worry, but he kept silent. How could he put into words that he wasn't worthy of Kaoru's love? When they parted on Sunday, Kaoru seemed especially distressed and he clung to Ryou, his eyes welling with tears as he demanded to know what had happened between them. Ryou had to peel him off with difficulty when the train arrived.

By Wednesday, Ryou had finally sorted through his internal turmoil and had come to a conclusion. But he still didn't trust his own mind. He hated himself and the weakness in his heart. He needed a second opinion, someone who would listen to his concerns and give him advice on how to go on. Pi would have been the logical choice, but he couldn't bear the thought of having to hear her tell him that he was only in such a mess because he had refused to listen to her the first time. And then he remembered the messages he had exchanged with Kuhn about living on his own. Kuhn was in his twenties, just old enough to have experience, but not too old to be completely out of touch. And while Kuhn probably wasn't the best to turn to for relationship advice, Ryou knew at least that he'd be approachable and willing to listen. His mind set, he invited both of them into his party.

He didn't have long to wait before Endrance arrived. "Haseo," he breathed. "Where we will go today?"

Ryou avoided Endrance's eager expression. "We have to wait a second. I invited Kuhn to come with us."

If Kaoru was upset about having a third party member, Endrance certainly didn't show it. "We will be able to take on more difficult areas with his assistance," Endrance said. "We will level up more easily."

"Hey, Haseo. I'm ready to go whenever you….oh." Kuhn had been running towards the warp portal, but now he slowed to a cautious walk. "Hey, you didn't tell me you were dragging me along on your date."

"This isn't a date," Haseo snapped. "It's…it's complicated, alright? Just come on." He crossed his arms defensively over his chest.

Kuhn chuckled, but he went along willingly enough as Haseo punched in the area words for a mid-level cloudy field.

"So, anybody want to fill me in?" Kuhn asked as soon as they warped in. "We're not going to get in a lot of experience here."

"I need to talk to you," Haseo said.

"If you're going to make a sudden declaration of love, it better be to him." Kuhn pointed in Endrance's direction with his thumb, his eyes dancing with mischief.

"Cut it out," Haseo growled. "This is serious." He regretted asking Kuhn along, knowing the man's penchant for teasing.

"Alright, alright." Kuhn laced his hands behind his head. "I'm all ears, Haseo. What do you want to talk about?"

Haseo's eyes settled briefly on Endrance. "Remember when you and Pi showed up to yell at me for not being online? She told me that I shouldn't get involved with Endrance, that I would only hurt him."

"You could never hurt me," Endrance said quietly, moving to Haseo's side.

"I wouldn't try to," Haseo said, "but it could happen. What if I became one of the Lost Ones?"

"Then I would stay at your side until you woke up, even if it would be an eternity. I would never leave you."

Endrance reached out to touch his cheek and Haseo backed away. "This is exactly what I'm worried about. I'm the only person you care about it. It'll destroy you if anything happens to me." Ryou took a deep breath, hating what he had to do. "That's why I need you to move on. You need to free yourself to make relationships with other people so you're not always so attached to me."

Endrance pulled his hands protectively to his chest. "You don't like me anymore?"

"I like you just fine. That's why I have to do this. I don't want you to get hurt." He looked to Kuhn for support. "Isn't it better to separate now before we get too involved?"

Kuhn scratched the back of his head. "I think it's a little late for that."

Haseo bristled. "What are you talking about?"

Kuhn smirked and shook his head slowly. "You really don't know, do you? Man, you are oblivious sometimes."

Haseo crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. "I'm oblivious? Who was the idiot who was trying to hit on a little girl?"

Kuhn sputtered and reddened. "How was I supposed to know? Everyone looks different online. I mean, my hair doesn't look like this offline." He tugged at a shock of bright blue hair. "My boss at the arcade would kill me."

"Take it easy," Haseo said. "I was just kidding around."

"And your boyfriend," Kuhn said. "I know he doesn't wear that purple outfit in real life."

"He's not my boyfriend," Haseo reminded him.

"Because you're breaking up with him."

"Yes. It's for the-I mean, no!" Haseo's eyes narrowed. "Damn it, Kuhn. We can't break up if we were never together."

Kuhn grinned. "Come on, Haseo. Quit being such a stick in the mud. Stop worrying about AIDA just this once. We'll have to fight again soon enough, but there's no sense letting your worry overwhelm you." He clapped Haseo on the back and gave him a push towards Endrance. "Live a little."

Haseo reddened and looked away. "I can't," he said. "I can't be like you, chasing after everyone that catches my eye without regards to their feelings."

Kuhn frowned. "Haseo, that wasn't-"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put it like that." Haseo looked down, his fist clenched, his body shaking. "I just can't do this anymore. I can't hurt Endrance."

"Endrance loves you, idiot. Everyone knows that. You'd have to be deaf and blind to miss it."

"I know," Haseo growled. "And I'm not capable of that kind of love. I have to leave him now before he gets too attached to me."

Kuhn sighed. "You heard how I was once guild-master of Canard, right? I gave it up when we started fighting AIDA. I didn't want Silabus and Gaspard involved. I thought if I distanced myself from them, they'd be protected and that somehow, they'd get over being abandoned." He shook his head. "They might have forgiven me, but I don't think I've ever forgiven myself. You see, Haseo, sometimes when you try to protect someone from pain, you only hurt yourself."

Haseo lifted his chin defiantly. "It's better for me to be hurt than one of my friends."

Kuhn placed a hand on one hip. "You really are stubborn, Haseo. But I don't think you can go through with this. You're more involved than you think you are." He stepped behind Endrance and put a hand on his shoulder. "Go on, Haseo. Tell him what he needs to hear so that he'll know his love will never stand a chance. Tell him that there will be no more offline meetings, no more adventures together, that the two of you will exist as members of G.U. and nothing more. Tell him that you feel sick when he tries to touch you, that you'd rather die than-"

"Kuhn!" Haseo gasped out, horrified. "How can I say that to him?'

He looked desperately at Endrance. The blade brandier stood rigidly, his arms stiffly at his side, his face a marble mask. "If you never want to see me again, I will respect your wishes," he said, a faint tremor in his smooth voice. "But I will never stop loving you, Haseo. Nothing you can say will ever change my feelings for you."

Haseo groaned. "Endrance, please."

"I don't think you're trying hard enough," Kuhn said. "You have to convince him you hate him now."

"And I suppose you told Silabus and Gaspard that you hated them when you left?" Ryou wanted to punch Kuhn right in the jaw. His hand itched for conflict. He couldn't believe what Kuhn wanted him to do. All this time he had thought of Kuhn as an easygoing skirt-chaser, but only cruel and calloused things were coming out of his mouth. Ryou wanted to be sick looking at him.

Kuhn shrugged indifferently. "I just left. I was too much of a coward to tell them anything." Kuhn tipped his head to one side, his eyes darkening. "But you don't have that option. You and Endrance will be fighting together. And he'll want answers. He won't stop asking until you tell him. If you don't have the courage to break his heart now, he'll keep begging and pleading with you until you either give in and take him back or until you break-"

"Shut up!" Haseo snarled. He drew his scythe and swung it in a wide circle. Endrance moved to the right and Kuhn jumped left. Haseo advanced towards Kuhn, his eyes still blazing. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Haseo, please," Endrance said. "Kuhn is our ally."

"Quiet, Kaoru." Haseo paused momentarily, realizing how deeply his anger had affected him. "Endrance," he began again. "Stay out of this. We'll talk later. Right now this asshole needs to die."

Kuhn backed away as Haseo raised his scythe. He looked afraid. Good.

"Haseo, you can't let your anger get the best of you." Endrance's hand caressed Haseo's cheek.

"Weren't you listening to what he said, what he wanted me to do? How could I possibly protect you by hurting you with hateful words? I love you too much to cause you pain, even if it's for your own good."

"Haseo," Endrance said, his face filled with rapturous joy. "Do you really mean that?"

"Hell yes, I do. I'm going to kill that mother….oh, damnit. Did I say that last part out loud?" Ryou felt himself redden all the way to the tips of his ears. He really needed to control his temper. There was no telling what he'd say in the throes of anger.

Kuhn grinned and leaned against Endrance. "Well, it looks like you passed the test. I was getting a little worried there for a second, but you made it."

"Test? Goddamn it, Kuhn, was this all some game to you?"

"You're awfully stubborn, Haseo. I had to do something to get you to realize your feelings." Kuhn ruefully rubbed the back of his head. "I may not have thought through that plan very well, but it worked and that's what counts."

Ryou tried to block out Kuhn's self-satisfied smirk and Endrance's joyful smile. "Come on, you guys. Be reasonable. This is still not going to work out. Endrance loves me too much. I'm the only person he's ever cared about and I can't possibly say the same."

"I understand, Haseo," Endrance said softly. "So many people look up to you and you can't help but reach out to them. But just knowing that I am loved and needed by you is all I ever ask."

Kuhn chuckled. "Aww, isn't that the cutest? Is he like this offline, too?"

Ryou sighed gloomily. "Exactly like this."

"Damn. I don't know why you're so stubborn. You've got a guy swooning over you 24/7. If I had a girl that devoted, I don't think I'd ever get out of bed." Kuhn waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Ryou felt himself redden again.

"It's not like that," he said.

"Sure it's not," Kuhn said, sounding completely unconvinced.

Ryou gritted his teeth. "I don't get why you're so happy about me dating Endrance anyway."

Kuhn shrugged. "I had a feeling something like this would happen sooner or later. You crazy kids are more alike than you think. And besides," he flashed a wide grin, "there will be quite a few ladies with broken hearts when they hear that you're taken. It'll be unbearable witnessing so much sorrow, but I'll do my best to comfort all the women I can."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Of course you will," he said. "But you can't tell anyone yet, especially Pi. She's going to have my head if she hears."

"Not going to say a word," Kuhn said. "But you know this isn't going to stay secret forever."

"I know," Haseo said. "But for now, we want everyone thinking we're just friends."


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Ryou is awesome when he's angry, especially when he's angry about people hating on Kaoru. He heroically comes to his defense….and then later gets embarrassed by all the lovey-dovey stuff. Poor boy.

Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack….well, there'd be a lot more cuddle moments and all the moments Haseo almost admitted loving Endrance would actually become full on schmoopy declarations of love.

In a normal relationship, Ryou might have confessed his love face to face and had Kaoru fling himself into his arms. But, Ryou's lips curled into a smile, this was not a normal relationship. They were forced to deal with the distance of online interaction, unable to physically touch. And even as Endrance caressed the air and murmured about how happy he was to have a place in Haseo's heart, it wasn't enough. Endrance's voice was almost Kaoru's, but somehow older, breathier, smoother, with none of Kaoru's endearing awkwardness.

Kuhn had left them alone in the middle of the field, claiming he had some errand to run. Ryou knew better. Kuhn had just known he was no longer needed.

"Yours is a far kinder love than I could ever deserve," Endrance sighed. "While I have been selfishly trying to win your affection, you would have denied yourself to protect my feelings." He lifted a hand to Haseo's cheek. "And now you no longer have to hide from me. This weekend shall be sweet for us."

Haseo stepped back out of Endrance's reach. "I can't see you this Friday," he said. "I have to have dinner with my parents."

"Saturday, then? Even two days spent with you will fill my heart with warmth."

Ryou flushed. Oh god, why did Endrance have to talk like that? It made his toes curl and his stomach tighten in knots. He coughed and tried to compose himself. "Saturday will work. I'll need something to look forward to. It's the only way to survive a family dinner."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Endrance said. "But I will be there for you in the aftermath."

"See you Saturday," Ryou said. As Endrance warped out of the field, Ryou tried to ease the ache in his chest. Saturday seemed so far away.

Friday night's dinner was even worse than Ryou remembered. He sat in his high-backed chair across from his parents as they all ate in near-silence. The high ceiling and the wide, spacious room seemed impossibly narrow. He was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

His mother dished out the rice and settled next to her husband, who was already checking the stocks on his phone. She murmured something to him and smoothed the hem of her glittering black dress. Ryou felt like a stranger, watching them talk. His father was barely listening, nodding only occasionally when she directed a question to him. They were talking in such low voices that Ryou could barely hear the conversation. It was like he didn't exist, as if he was watching his parents on a date, his mother dressed up in a fancy cocktail dress and a pearl necklace and his father still in his work suit.

Ryou's hands shook with the need to do something, to escape from the feeling of turning into another of the statures lining the hallway. He added more soy sauce to his rice, feeling the weight of his mother's disapproving gaze. "That's enough, Ryou," she said, moving the bottle out of his reach.

He placed his hands in his lap and tried to calm himself. This was how dinners had always been with his parents. They had always insisted on his presence, and yet they had barely paid attention to him. He had usually been glad of his parents' indifference. They never looked too deeply into his life as long as he kept his grades up and kept out of trouble. But tonight, he wished that they would notice him, that they would see him as more than a trophy of their marriage, as more than a pleasing decoration to show off to friends.

His mother took another sip of tea and her gaze flicked to him. "And how are you getting along with your girlfriend? Mariko, Noriko, or whatever her name is."

"Keiko," Ryou said. "And we broke up last month."

"That's a pity. She seemed like a nice girl. Didn't she, Haru?" She nudged her husband.

He looked up briefly from his phone. "Who?"

"Never mind, dear. Go back to your stocks."

"It's alright," Ryou said. "I met someone else. His name is Kaoru." Behind his teacup he muttered, "Not that you'll remember it."

She frowned. "Another boy? I thought we were past this phase. You've been dating girls all year."

Ryou shrugged. "And maybe I want to go back to boys again."

"You're getting too old for this nonsense. Your father and I let you 'experiment' like all the young people do these days. But now you need to stop fooling around. You won't be a teenager forever. You'll need to settle down and start a family."

"And what if I don't want-"

"That's enough from you, young man," his father said, rousing himself from his stocks. "Don't speak to your mother that way."

She pursed her lips. "I don't want to hear about you dating any more boys. Kaoru will be the last one. Do I make myself clear?"

Ryou folded his arms over his chest. "Fine," he said.

It wasn't as if she could really do anything to him. Other than setting him up in his new apartment, his parents had never come to visit. How would they ever know who he was dating, unless he told them? He had told them all about the foreign exchange student Trevor, in the hopes of shocking them, finally breaking through their icy calm. But his father had only looked at him with disappointment, and shook his head as he lamented about the youth of today. And though they clearly disapproved, they hadn't cared enough to do anything about it, not even threatening to take away his apartment. Ryou hadn't really liked Trevor anyway, and the next time he found himself drawn to another boy, he hadn't said a word to his parents, letting them go on feeling superior that they had cured their son of an unfortunate lapse of judgment.

Ryou picked at his rice and longed for the dinner to be over.

Once home, Ryou stormed into his bedroom and picked up the M2D. He needed to lose himself in Haseo, to fight, to feel alive again. He felt the bitterness of the irony. Real life paled in comparison to the vitality he felt while playing online.

Once in Breg Epona, he stalked through the streets, heading towards the warp portal with single-minded purpose. The city wasn't crowded, but there were just enough people milling about in the streets to piss him off. He mowed through them without a thought, ignoring their complaints as they jumped out of his way.

Endrance was waiting for him at the warp portal. "Haseo, how was dinner?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I need to kill something first."

Ryou picked out a high-level field and charged immediately into combat. He was only vaguely aware of Endrance's presence at his side, tossing healing potions his way and striking with his sword when he thought Haseo couldn't manage on his own.

After half an hour, the field was cleared and the two were left panting with exertion. Endrance stepped to his side, a hand hovering above his shoulder. "How did it go with your parents?"

"They hate you," Ryou said, feeling his eyes prick with tears. "They've never even met you and they're already convinced this is some stupid fling." He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, forgetting briefly about the M2D. He cursed and fumbled with it, trying to wipe away the moisture so Endrance wouldn't see Haseo cry.

"Do you want me to come over?" Endrance asked quietly.

Haseo sighed. "It's getting late. You should probably wait until morning."

"If you need me, the hour doesn't matter. I will be at your side as soon as I am able."

Haseo opened his mouth to protest, but Endrance logged out. Ryou's phone lit up with the arrival of a text. _Meet me at the station. _He cursed roundly and began clawing his way out of his fancy dinner clothes. He didn't want Kaoru to see him like that. He wanted to be able to put the formality of the dinner aside and pretend everything had gone back to normal, that he was back to being the punk-ass kid who didn't care what anybody thought about him. Ryou stilled, his hands on the door of his closet and he smirked. Oh, yes, he would wear the pants with the chains. Kaoru would be looking at his ass again, but Ryou decided he didn't care. The thought of his parents' disapproval only made him keener on the idea.

Kaoru embraced him at the train station, not with his usual desperate clinginess, but gently, comfortingly. He stroked a small circle on Ryou's back. "I'm sorry," he said. "I hate to see you so upset."

Ryou allowed himself to linger in Kaoru's arms a little longer than might be proper before pulling away and taking Kaoru's hand. "I'm glad you could make it," he said. "I missed you." He felt his cheeks redden and he looked down at the ground to conceal his moment of weakness.

"It feels wonderful to be missed, to be needed, to be wanted," Kaoru said. "And I've missed seeing you in your natural element. You dress up beautifully, but you don't seem at ease in nice clothes."

"My parents like me to wear that shit," Ryou said, feeling the bitterness well up in his throat. "They like seeing me look just like them. Then they can see me living the life they have planned for me. They already know where they want me to go to university, what I should study, what I should do for the rest of my life. I don't want to be some fancy-ass stockbroker with a wife and kids in a goddamn mansion."

"Ryou," Kaoru said. "Take a deep breath and try to keep calm. I think we're going the wrong way."

Ryou looked around and cursed. In his anger, he had missed the street he turned on for his apartment and had kept right on walking towards the center of the city. Damn it. But he quirked an eye at Kaoru. "So, you've memorized the way to my apartment after just two visits, hmn?"

Kaoru shifted and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Not exactly. I just find this part of town unfamiliar." His hand tightened around Ryou's. "We're not lost, are we?"

"Nah, I know where we are." Ryou quickly retraced his steps, leading Kaoru back along the familiar path. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you did memorize the whole trip. You could surprise me sometime and just show up on my doorstep."

"I would miss this," Kaoru said, leaning his head against Ryou's shoulder. "Our time together is brief and I cherish every moment."

Ryou could feel his face growing hot again and the familiar urge to squirm away from Kaoru to retain his dignity. But he fought the embarrassment and remained still as Kaoru's thumb brushed over his collarbone and the slender fingers stroked his cheek. Dimly, Ryou wondered why he had been avoiding this sort of intimacy. He closed his eyes and relaxed as Kaoru's fingers traced his jawline. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this at ease with anyone. Probably not since he had been with Shino, a little over a year ago. And when she had fallen into a coma, he had gone through a series of boys and girls, feeling nothing for any of them.

Relationships had consisted of little more than shoving a hot body against a wall and making out until the feelings of anger and helplessness had faded. It had taken him a long time to get over Shino. He had truly loved her once, although now the feelings had faded into friendly affection. But even though he didn't love her anymore, it had been hard for him to love anybody else. He feared that if he allowed himself happiness that he would stop fighting for Shino's sake as fiercely. And now he knew that he had been right. Instead of spending the weekends training, he was watching movies with Kaoru. His mouth twisted in revulsion. Shino was still in her coma and he should be out there searching for Ovan.

But his mind strayed as Kaoru's hands kneaded his shoulders. He had been so focused in chasing down Tri-Edge that he had overlooked everyone else fighting by his side. Shino still needed him, but the responsibility no longer weighed on him alone. Kuhn, Pi, Atoli, Sakubo, and most importantly, Endrance were fighting with him. It couldn't hurt to spend a little time with Kaoru. He needed to maintain his relationships with all his allies. Keeping Kaoru happy and healthy would be beneficial in the long run. Or at least, that was what he told himself.

"Ryou," Kaoru said. "Which way do we go now?"

Ryou jumped, feeling Kaoru's hot breath against his ear. He cracked open an eye and tried to get a bearing on his surroundings. "We'd get home a lot quicker if you stop distracting me," he grumbled, although he couldn't bring much anger into the words. It had hardly been Kaoru's fault that he was so needy.

"My apologies, Ryou." Kaoru looked away. "I thought you needed the distraction, after everything your parents said to you."

Oh yes, his parents. Ryou's eyes narrowed, feeling the anger surge through him, replacing all thoughts of guilt. "You can distract me after we get home." He tugged Kaoru towards the apartment building and stormed into the elevator. He felt a sense of relief as the door slid shut. There was no longer any need for him to keep alert and pay attention to his surroundings. Now, it was just the two of them. He stepped closer to Kaoru, unwilling to ask for his touch, but unable to keep to himself.

"Ryou," Kaoru whispered. He put his arm around Ryou's shoulder and gently squeezed. "Will you be alright?"

Ryou shrugged. "Eventually."

The elevator slid open and he pushed forward, only to find Kaoru's arm pinning him to the wall. "What the hell, Kaoru? I want to get home." He struggled against him.

"I have one condition," Kaoru said.

"Condition for what?"

"You can't throw yourself at me only because you want to anger your parents."

Ryou's jaw set. "I am not throwing myself at you."

"You've become a little too eager." Kaoru tipped his head to one side, the gray eyes travelling down the length of his body and then back up in one fluid motion. "You know I like seeing you in those pants."

"So?" Ryou crossed his arms over his chest. "I like wearing them. They make me feel like I can do whatever the fuck I want and nobody can stop me."

"You are trying to seduce me."

"Oh, hello no." Ryou shoved at Kaoru's restraining arm. "Don't flatter yourself. We are _not _having sex."

Kaoru moved aside. "Good. I want no part in any actions you'll come to regret once your anger has passed."

"Shit, Kaoru. Just because we're sort of dating now doesn't mean we're going to just start fucking like rabbits. You should know me better than that by now."

"Forgive me," Kaoru said. "I wasn't sure if you were in your right mind." He put a gentle hand on Ryou's shoulder.

"That's better," Ryou said. He hadn't been considering sex, but it was true that he had allowed himself to fantasize about pinning Kaoru down on the bed and biting the sensitive skin to release all the pent-up anger and aggression. And now that Kaoru had pointed it out, he was a little ashamed about how he let his emotions get the best of him. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but Kaoru was right. He really hadn't been in his right mind.

"We can watch another movie," Kaoru suggested. "Something calming."

Ryou's mouth twitched into a smirk. "Something that will put me to sleep?"

"If necessary," Kaoru said. He put his hand against Ryou's cheek. "I want to see you at peace."

"I am at peace," Ryou said. He forced himself not to nuzzle against Kaoru's hand. He could enjoy Kaoru's touch all he wanted, but begging for it was beneath him.

Kaoru chuckled. "So you say." He opened the door to the apartment and made his way to the couch. Ryou watched him settle effortlessly into the cushions, tucking up his long legs.

"If you are at peace," Kaoru said, "why do you look so tense?"

Ryou huffed and threw himself on the couch next to Kaoru, grumbling under his breath about how everyone always thought they knew what he needed.

Kaoru's hands tangled in his hair and gently pressed his lips to his forehead. Ryou froze, the shock leaving him unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to think.

Kaoru sighed contentedly and wrapped his arm around Ryou's shoulder. "Now you're at peace," he said.


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: So, I don't know how Japanese school systems work. I'm going to pretend Ryou has off about a month for winter break. If that's wrong, my bad.

Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack….well, let's just say the game would be rated M for Multiple Makeout Sessions. XD

Ryou had thought he would be able to concentrate on the movie if Kaoru stayed on his side of the couch. They were going to pretend to be on a date, Ryou had decided and Kaoru had gone along willingly enough with the experiment, settling a decent distance away with only their hands linked.

But Ryou found that he was even more conscious of Kaoru's presence at his side when they were no longer touching. He found himself listening to Kaoru's involuntary gasps every time the creature appeared, feeling Kaoru shift beside him. And maybe, if he focused enough, he'd be able to hear Kaoru's heartbeat. He wouldn't even have to watch the movie then. He'd be able to follow the plot simply by how rapidly Kaoru's heart was beating.

Ryou stared down at Kaoru's hands, watching the almost imperceptible movement. Poor Kaoru. He was probably terrified. Ryou smiled and gently squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him.

Kaoru yelped and twisted his shoulder sharply, wrenching his hand out of Ryou's grasp.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ryou's eyes strayed back to the TV screen where the lizard-creature was spitting acid at a screaming woman cowering behind an overturned car. He grimaced. Of course he had managed to startle Kaoru during the most intense part of the movie.

"Sorry, Kaoru," he said. "I didn't realize you got so into this movie."

"I don't know what you mean," Kaoru said faintly.

Ryou chuckled and switched off the movie. Kaoru straightened on the couch and turned to blink at him. "Ryou? Don't you want to finish your movie?"

"Nah. It's getting dumb. Besides," Ryou's lips curled into a smirk, "you keep distracting me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Don't be sorry." Ryou patted Kaoru's thigh. "You've almost convinced me you can handle an actual date." He grinned. "Set you down in front of a horror movie and your terror will block out everything else, even me."

Kaoru sighed. "You mock my fears."

Ryou leaned against Kaoru and rested his head on his shoulder. "I shouldn't be torturing you with these monster movies. You're only watching them to make me happy. But we should do what you want now."

Kaoru cocked his head to one side. "So, our date is over?"

"Well, yeah. We don't have to pretend to be in public anymore. No restrictions. Whatever the hell you want to do."

Kaoru smiled and began pushing Ryou towards the edge of the sofa. "Anything I want to do?"

Ryou shuddered, regretting his earlier openness. "Kaoru, what are you doing?"

"Relax, Ryou. I'm not going to hurt you."

But Ryou couldn't relax. He continued to struggle as Kaoru pushed and pulled him until he was forced onto his back on the couch, his head in Kaoru's lap. Ryou peered up at Kaoru questioningly. "This is what you wanted?"

Kaoru brushed a strand of hair off Ryou's forehead. "I want to see you relaxed and at ease. You're making it very difficult for me to help you."

Ryou flushed. He had let his imagination run away with him. Of course Kaoru wasn't going to read anything sexual into his words. Kaoru had probably never really interacted with another person before and love to him meant nothing more than cuddles and light caresses. Ryou closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing himself not to worry.

"That's better," Kaoru said. "I don't like seeing you so tense."

Ryou opened one eye as he felt Kaoru's fingers running through his hair. "You're going to put me to sleep like that."

"And if that's what I want?"

Ryou huffed and rolled onto his side. "I've got all night to sleep. I don't want to waste my weekend with you."

"I'm sorry that our time together is so brief."

Ryou linked his fingers with Kaoru's. "I start my winter break next week. If your mother will let you stay a little longer…"

Kaoru hesitated. "I guess I haven't told you yet. My aunt is very ill and my mother will be spending next week in Kyoto with her."

Ryou sat up and put a comforting hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to keep you from spending time with your sick aunt."

Kaoru shook his head. "I'm not welcome in her house. Mother is going alone. I have to stay home with my father." He shuddered.

"Why would she do that to you? He hates you." Ryou ran a hand over Kaoru's back and pressed him into a hug. He hated to think how Kaoru's father would mistreat him if his mother wasn't there to protect him. Kaoru would have to hide in his bedroom the entire time and even then, it probably wouldn't shield him from his father's rage.

"Mother was hoping you would take me in for the week if she offered you money," Kaoru mumbled against his shoulder.

"Your mother doesn't need to bribe me to look after you. I'd be happy to do it. Anything to get you away from your dad."

"The money would cover the cost of my food."

Ryou waved a hand dismissively. "You don't eat that much. I've got it covered."

Kaoru tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and ducked his head. "I was hoping if I had my own money, I could come with you when you go shopping and buy my own food. But it's okay if you don't want-"

"If you want to come shopping with me, I'm not going to turn you down." Ryou smiled and affectionately squeezed Kaoru's hand. "I'm so happy you feel ready for this. But we'll take it slow this time. I don't want you to panic and make yourself ill with cancer again."

Kaoru smiled ruefully. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

Ryou patted Kaoru's shoulder. "I shouldn't tease you. You're doing so well. If you're up for shopping, maybe I can take you out to the movies and out to dinner one day. It'll be nice to go on an actual date with you." He stroked Kaoru's cheek. "Not that I don't mind sitting around watching movies with you. But I'd really like to take you out and not have to pretend you're not my boyfriend anymore."

"I'd like that," Kaoru murmured. "What about Wednesday?"

"Perfect." Ryou would have loved to take Kaoru out on a weekend, but it would be far too crowded for him. The middle of the week was an idea time. It would give Kaoru enough time to work up his courage and by Wednesday, everyone would probably have seen the samurai movie he wanted to see with Kaoru. Ryou grinned. He could hardly wait.

Wednesday's date went better than Ryou had expected. Since it was _Seventh Samurai_'s last week in theaters, the room was almost empty, even though it was winter break. There were only three other teenagers in the theater, seated right in front of the screen. Ryou sat in the back with Kaoru so he could unobtrusively hold his hand and wrap an arm around his shoulder if the violence got to be too much for Kaoru to handle. But Kaoru seemed to enjoy action movies a lot better than monster movies. He didn't let go of Ryou's hand throughout the movie, but he wasn't clingy or jumpy.

After the movie, Ryou took Kaoru to a little restaurant a block away from the apartment. There they spent an hour together talking and laughing. When they left, Ryou was in a very good mood, but perhaps that was because of the sake.

"You shouldn't have been drinking," Kaoru said sternly.

"So? You were drinking, too."

"One sip," Kaoru said.

Ryou grinned. It had worked out so well that Kaoru had never had sake before and wasn't keen on the taste. Ryou had been more than happy to finish the bottle for him.

"But I'm old enough to drink," Kaoru said. "You're still underage."

"No big deal," Ryou said. "It was just one sake. It won't kill me."

Kaoru sighed. "I should never have let you order for me. But how was I supposed to know you wanted to get drunk?"

"I'm not drunk," Ryou insisted. "I'm just a little buzzed."

"You can't even walk straight."

Ryou's eyes travelled to Kaoru's arm holding him upright. "Okay," he said. "Maybe I'm a little tipsy."

"I was afraid we'd get arrested," Kaoru confided in a whisper. "Giving alcohol to a minor is probably-"

"You really, really, really need to stop worrying." Ryou put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder to steady himself and then pushed away from him, taking slow cautious steps towards his apartment. He did feel just a little bit dizzy, but really, it had only been one sake. Nobody his age got wasted from one bottle of sake. It would be humiliating.

"Ryou," Kaoru said warningly. "You are going the wrong way."

Oh.

Ryou halted and leaned against a lamppost until Kaoru caught up with him. Ryou sighed as Kaoru put his arm around him and steered him in the correct direction. He hadn't had sake for a few months now since he had been so caught up in the World, but surely that didn't mean that he had completely lost all tolerance for alcohol. The thought was depressing.

"Relax," Kaoru whispered in his ear. "We'll go straight to bed and let you sleep it off."

Ryou let himself be led like a child into the elevator. His stomach lurched and he swayed unsteadily into Kaoru. The pleasant warmth of the alcohol was now gone and he was beginning to regret drinking. Why had it seemed like such a good idea to get drunk anyway?

Ryou's mouth twisted ruefully as Kaoru patted his pocket for the key to the apartment. "I'm a pretty shitty boyfriend, eh? First date and I get wasted so you have to take care of me."

"Nobody is perfect," Kaoru said. "I accept you fully, flaws and all."

Ryou frowned. Kaoru didn't usually have such a sarcastic tone when he declared his love for him. He really had screwed things up. But he couldn't stop to think for too long. Kaoru was pushing him into the apartment, steering him towards the bedroom and the nice soft bed that was looking better and better every second.

Ryou sank down onto the bed with a groan. "Thank fuck," he said. The room was spinning and it felt great to lie down and stop moving. He closed his eyes and willed the dizziness away.

"I don't really know what to do for hangovers," Kaoru said in a small voice. "Soup or something?"

"It's not a hangover yet," Ryou said. He kicked off his shoes and his socks and sank further into bed. He felt so tired, so achey, so helpless.

"Let me do it," Kaoru said.

Ryou lay still as Kaoru removed his studded armband and the spiky belt buckle. "That should help you rest more comfortably. You don't mind sleeping in your jeans, do you, Ryou? I'd rather not touch…" Kaoru trailed off and looked away.

Ryou smiled. "I'm so glad to have you with me. I'll be sad when this is over."

"It's only Wednesday. I'm here for another few days."

"I mean, when this is all over. When you get tired of me."

Kaoru sighed. "Even if I have to nurse your hangover until Sunday, I will not get tired of being by your side. My love will not change just because you want to drink yourself into oblivion."

Ryou frowned at the reproach in Kaoru's voice. "You don't know me," he said. "I have my reasons."

"You have no reason other than rebelling against the rules." Kaoru cupped his hand under Ryou's chin and forced his head up. Ryou looked away, avoiding his eyes. Kaoru's deep grey eyes always seemed to stare right into his soul and he was ashamed of what Kaoru might see if he looked deep enough.

"I feel sorry for you," Kaoru said. "There are so many people that care about you and you hold them at arm's length."

"It's none of your business what I do."

"It's very much my business. I will protect you from yourself, if need be. I am not about to let you doom yourself to a miserable, lonely life."

Ryou snorted. "Lonely? I've had more boyfriends in a year than you've had friends in your entire life."

Kaoru's eyes widened in shock and Ryou realized immediately that it had been a low blow. He had lashed out in anger, trying to wound Kaoru as deeply as possible. Ryou bit down on his knuckles to stifle the sob that threatened to break free.

He cursed himself. All he had ever done was push people away when they got too close. It had been easier on him when he had stopped trying to care about the people he dated. They had become nameless, faceless bodies forced under the power of his anger. It had been so easy to end things with a single cruel word, so easy to erase anything between them. And now he was doing it all again without realizing it. He didn't want to hurt Kaoru. Kaoru was different from everyone else. He had loved Kaoru in a way that he had never thought possible since Shino, loved him in a way he had never loved Shino. And he had fucked it all up because he couldn't control the angry monster inside of him.

"Fucking idiot," Ryou said, slamming his fist against his headboard. "Why the hell are you still here? Go back into that icy hellhole. Someone else will save you next time and he'll be the goddamn hero you've always wanted."

Mid-punch, Ryou's wrist was caught in Kaoru's steely grip. Ryou twisted and found that he couldn't get free, not even if he used his free hand to pry his fingers back. Kaoru was a lot stronger than he looked.

Kaoru's hand closed around his other wrist and tightened into a vice grip. Ryou yelped and squirmed. To his horror, he found his wrists stretched out above his head and pinned down with one strong hand. He had often used the same tactic on particularly stubborn partners who wanted to distract him with their wandering hands. And now he was at Kaoru's mercy, pinned down on his back on his own bed, completely helpless. He could only imagine the things Kaoru would do to him in revenge for his stupid mouth. He would come away bloody and bruised and he would deserve it.

Kaoru's expression was unreadable, a sort of proud sadness and disappointment. "Ryou, how many times must I tell you that my heart will always be yours?"

Ryou was temporarily speechless. His mind struggled to process Kaoru's words, hardly daring to believe what had just been said. But all coherent thought ended as Kaoru's lips pressed against his.

Ryou shuddered and let his eyes slip shut. Ryou didn't question how Kaoru had gotten so good at kissing when he couldn't even talk to people without freaking out. He just melted into Kaoru's touch, letting him explore his mouth. He felt warmth spread through his body that probably had nothing to do with the alcohol.

Kaoru pulled away all too soon and although he was disappointed by the lack of his body heat, Ryou didn't think he had the strength to pull him back down and demand he continue. He felt too comfortable right where he was. Ryou just looked up at Kaoru contentedly, letting his mind drift.

"Ryou?" Kaoru said. "Are you okay? Ryou, look at me please."

Ryou didn't understand why Kaoru sounded so frightened. He was looking at him, mostly at his beautiful mouth. Where had Kaoru learned to kiss like that? Ryou blinked and tried to clear away the fog in his mind. "Goddamn," he said. "That was amazing."

"Oh, Ryou," Kaoru said. "I thought I suffocated you. You were just staring off at nothing and then you went cross-eyed."

"Heh. It must've been some kiss."

"Ryou, I'm being serious."

"So am I." Ryou licked his lips. No kiss had ever made him feel so exhilarated. He had thought he had enjoyed making out before, but that had been the hollow satisfaction of getting his way whether his partner liked it or not. This was better.

"Really?" Kaoru asked, his face tinged with pink.

"Hell yes. You think I'm going to fucking lie to you?"

"That's good to hear," Kaoru said, his hand caressing Ryou's cheek. "I'm sorry to have done this to you when you're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk," Ryou growled. "One bottle of sake doesn't do shit."

Kaoru's lips curved into a smile. "Oh really? You're not putting up much of a fight for a sober man."

Ryou arched upwards as Kaoru's hand pulled his wrists tighter. He had forgotten that Kaoru was still holding onto him. "Let me go," he demanded.

"Not yet," Kaoru said. "You will have to let me love you a little while longer."

Ryou shuddered as he felt Kaoru's teeth against his collarbone and decided that he'd play along for a few more minutes.


	17. Chapter 16

A/N: So, the next few chapters will have a lot more romance and making out and eventually sex. So I'm changing the rating to M now to give everyone a heads up. There's no sex yet, but probably in a chapter or two. Sorry to everybody who doesn't like sex scenes. My boys decided they're not happy with just cuddles.

Disclaimer: If .Hack belonged to me, there would be a lot more scripted moments between our two boys. Since there's only vague hints, it's safe to say .Hack doesn't belong to me. It's just not gay enough for my work. XD

Ryou woke the next morning with a raging headache. He groaned and put his arm over his face to try and block out the bright rays of sunlight. It had been a cold night and it was supposed to have been an overcast morning, but the sun seemed to shine brightly just to mock him.

"Ryou? Are you okay?"

Ryou sighed as he felt Kaoru's gentle fingers stroking the back of his wrist. He lowered his arm and forced his eyes open. "Don't mind me, Kaoru. I just feel like shit."

Kaoru put a hand to his forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever."

"I'm not sick. It's just a hangover."

"So, you were drunk after all."

Ryou groaned. "Yeah, yeah. Rub it in. I'm a fucking lightweight."

"I like seeing this vulnerable side of you," Kaoru said. "I'll get to return the favor and nurse you back to health." He frowned. "I only wish I knew how to take care of hangovers."

"I'll be fine once I've had some aspirin." Ryou rolled upright with a curse. His head was spinning and the abrupt movement made his stomach heave.

Kaoru pressed him back down into bed. "Let me take care of it, Ryou. Where do you keep your aspirin?"

Ryou grimaced. "That's a good question. I threw a bunch of shit in a box under the bed."

He had never got around to organizing everything nice and neatly in the medicine cabinet. It had seemed a lot more practical to have all the pain pills and cold pills within easy reach of the bed for days when he was too sick to get out of bed.

Ryou closed his eyes and tried to block out the rattle of pill bottles. Even that tiny sound seemed loud and grating against his ears.

"Ryou, I'm not seeing any aspirin. All I see is…oh, dear. This one's expired."

Ryou squeezed his eyes shut and cursed. "God fucking damnit. Fuck. Well, no aspirin for me. I guess I'll have to have a glass of orange juice or something and just suck it up."

"Orange juice and then we'll get you some more aspirin. That little market should have some."

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "You really want to go back there?"

When they had visited the market on Monday afternoon, Kaoru hadn't enjoyed the experience. There had been two small children running down the aisles screaming at the top of their lungs and Kaoru had spent most of the shopping trip cringing and covering his ears.

"I doubt there'll always be so many children in the store," Kaoru said.

Ryou didn't have the heart to tell him that two children was hardly a lot. Mothers usually brought their children to the grocery store. But at least most of them were quieter than Monday's little brats.

"Well, if you want to give it another shot, I'm not going to argue. Just let me mainline some caffeine and I'll drag my ass out of bed."

Ryou attempted to sit up again, but Kaoru's strong hands kept him pressed against the bed. "Just relax," Kaoru said. "It's my turn to take care of you."

As Kaoru's lips touched his forehead in a gentle kiss, Ryou felt his face heat up. He remembered how it had been the night before, pressed against the bed, helpless as Kaoru kissed his neck, his cheek, his collarbone, his lips. Ryou chased the memory away with difficulty.

"Are you sure you don't have a fever?" Kaoru asked. Ryou thought he saw amusement flashing in the gray eyes.

"Let me up, damnit. I need to get something to drink."

"Orange juice, Ryou? That is your favorite, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Ryou frowned. When had Kaoru gotten to know him so well?

"You wait right here," Kaoru said. He disappeared into the kitchen and returned with half a glass of orange juice.

Ryou was slightly annoyed when Kaoru insisted on helping him sit up. "I'm not an invalid, you know."

"I know," Kaoru said. "But having you in my arms feels wonderful."

Ryou flushed. He had nothing to say to that. Nothing coherent, anyway. He eyed Kaoru irritably and realized for the first time that Kaoru was already dressed for the day in his favorite faded gray sweater and jeans.

"You did get some sleep, right?"

Kaoru put his chin against Ryou's shoulder. "I always sleep better when I'm with you. Your warmth is soothing."

Now that they were officially dating, Ryou had found it silly to demand Kaoru stay on his own side of the bed. He had allowed Kaoru to spoon up against him every night since Friday. Kaoru was right. It was a lot more comfortable at night when they were sharing body heat.

Ryou sipped his orange juice and tried not to think about Kaoru's sighs of contentment as he leaned into him. Kaoru looked far too radiant and refreshed this morning. Just like the fucking sun. Why was he in such a good mood anyway? He had woken up early, even after they had gone to bed late last night. Oh, right. Last night. Ryou felt his face heat up again. Damn Kaoru had probably enjoyed seeing him so vulnerable. Well, he wasn't going to be weak and pathetic anymore. Not after he had some aspirin.

The market was much quieter than it had been Monday afternoon, for which Ryou was grateful. He didn't think his pounding head could take any screaming without shattering. It was bad enough that he to wear sunglasses inside to combat the glare of the artificial lights. It really was the worst hangover he had ever had.

Kaoru held his hand, leading him through the narrow aisles. For a split second, Ryou thought Kaoru was enjoying this a little too much, but he reminded himself that it wasn't Kaoru's fault that he had gotten drunk and hung over as hell. And Kaoru was probably not delighting in his misery as much as relishing the opportunity to fuss over him. He had nursed Kaoru back from sickness and now it was Kaoru's turn to nurse him.

He glanced into the shopping cart. In addition to the pain pills, there was another carton of orange juice, some fresh raspberries, peaches, blueberries, and bananas. "I hope you're going to eat all this stuff before it goes bad."

"I think I remember a recipe Mother had for a fruit compote. I want to try and make it again."

"You want to cook?"

"I used to love cooking when I was small. I would always help Mother make dinner." Kaoru laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Not that I was ever very good at it."

Ryou squeezed Kaoru's hand. "Part of the fun of cooking is fucking it up and making something you never planned."

Kaoru's smile faltered. "I used to think so. But Father would get so upset at me for wasting so much food with my clumsy attempts. I was banned from the kitchen after I tried to make pickles out of zucchini."

"No offense, but he sounds like a huge dick."

"He wasn't always this way. We were happy once, when I was very small. But then Father lost his job."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He has a new job now. An even better one. But I suppose he's never forgotten what it was like to worry about how he was going to provide for us, when he was going to find work again." Kaoru turned suddenly and put his hand against Ryou's cheek. "I don't want to see you suffer the same fate."

Ryou swallowed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Kaoru dropped his hand. "No, I guess you don't. Not yet."

"Kaoru, please. No riddles. My head can't take this nonsense."

Kaoru's lips curled into a faint smile. "We'll talk again later, after you've had some aspirin."

Ryou had no intention of revisiting the conversation. What good was it to rehash unhappy memories and worries about the future? What he wanted was to spend a happy afternoon with Kaoru now that his head had stopped aching so fiercely. He wanted to pretend nothing had happened. They could simply curl up on the couch together and watch another movie. Kaoru was so easily caught up in the world of movies. It would be an easy distraction.

Ryou flicked through the channels on the TV, letting out a cry of delight when he came to the old movie channel. "Yes, _Creature from the Black Lagoon_ is on. I haven't seen this in fucking forever." Ryou usually didn't like to admit it, but he had such a fondness for old, cheesy monster movies.

Kaoru's hand closed around his, gently prying the remote from his fingers. Ryou stared at him, surprised when Kaoru pushed the button to record the movie. "What the hell?"

"You can watch it later," Kaoru said. "While I'm here, no more horror movies."

Ryou sighed, feeling the slightest edge of guilt. Kaoru didn't like monster movies, didn't deserve being forced to watch them. "So, what do you want to watch instead? An action movie?"

Kaoru's fingers trailed up Ryou's arm and settled on his shoulder. "Why do you want to escape from reality so badly?"

Ryou shuddered and licked suddenly dry lips. "I have to do something to escape from all this responsibility. You don't want me to end up like your dad, right?"

"Ah. So you do understand." Kaoru's hand caressed his cheek. "But, Ryou, you don't need to lose yourself in fantasy worlds. I can be your escape."

"You can't," Ryou said. "I like to lose myself in battles, in violence."

"No you don't," Kaoru said with a gentle smile.

Ryou sighed. Kaoru really thought too highly of him. "Kaoru, you don't know-"

"You don't remember your dreams, do you?"

Ryou froze, feeling suddenly exposed. "No," he said.

"You talk in your sleep sometimes about how tired you are of the interminable battles, how you wish this war was over."

Ryou relaxed a little. "I miss how the World was," he said. "How it used to be just a game."

The battles had been a form of stress relief back then. Every time he had felt angry and frustrated, he had logged on to mow through a field of monsters. He had never felt any need to get rough with Shino because any aggression could be vented in the World. Looking back, he realized that's why the relationship had lacked passion. He had thought he loved Shino. After all, they had always had such wonderful times together and they had never fought over anything. But he had been deluding himself. He had liked her as a friend. His feelings had never run deeper than that. He had just been trying too hard to please his parents and date a girl that he had convinced himself that he was in love with his best friend.

"If the World was just a game, I never would have met you," Kaoru said. He intertwined his fingers with Ryou's.

Ryou laughed bitterly. "If all this shit hadn't happened, I might have still been dating Shino."

Kaoru cocked his head to one side. "You regret breaking up with her?"

"That's the thing. We never actually broke up. She fell into a fucking coma and then I moved on like an asshole." Ryou had hated himself when his feelings for Shino had begun to fade. Nobody was supposed to dump their girlfriend while she was in a coma. He was supposed to wait by her side until she woke up and then everything would go on as if nothing had ever happened. But once she was gone, it was harder and harder to convince himself that he wanted to return to the way things were before.

"You are many things, Ryou, but you are not an asshole. I believe Shino will understand. How can you expect to wait by her side forever when there's a chance she will never wake up?"

"Don't say that," Ryou said. "Of course she'll wake up." He didn't want to admit that he had the same doubts. He had already fought Ovan once and nothing had changed.

Kaoru shrugged. "Maybe she will. Maybe months or years later she will wake up. But in the meantime, you will have wasted so much of your life waiting for her."

Ryou sighed. "I don't know. It seems like the right thing to do would be to at least wait until she wakes up to break up with her instead of sneaking around behind her back. Poor Shino. She's going to be so upset when she finds out we're not together anymore."

"Maybe not. Maybe it will be a kindness for both of you that you no longer have to pretend to be in love."

"Jesus," Ryou said. "You know me so well it's scary." He was sure he hadn't said everything out loud. But Kaoru had seemed to know just what he had been thinking.

Kaoru smiled crookedly. "You do say quite a lot in your sleep. It's a wonderful insight into the way your mind works."

"I don't tell you everything, do I?" Ryou made a mental note that next time he wasn't going to fall asleep until Kaoru did.

"Not everything. You dream mostly about the World and saving Shino. But last night you dreamed that she had finally woken up and you were introducing me to her as your new wife. I might have even been pregnant."

"Oh god." Ryou covered his face with his hands. "That is fucking wrong."

"I'm sure you're going to blame it on the alcohol." There was a trace of amusement in Kaoru's voice.

"Of course I am. Goddamn fucking alcohol. That was just a dream, okay? That is not how I want things to turn out." He shuddered.

Kaoru smiled and patted Ryou's shoulder. "If nothing else, maybe this will finally convince you to stop drinking."

Ryou frowned. He hadn't been drinking much lately. He used to have a few older friends who would buy him alcohol. But he had lost contact with them after a while. The World ate up too much of his time.

Maybe Kaoru was right. He needed an escape. The World wasn't a haven anymore. It was full of too much responsibility. He had been turning to drinking and aggressive making out to try and ease his frustrations, but it just wasn't working anymore.

Kaoru's hands kneaded his shoulder and Ryou groaned, letting his eyes slide shut. He hadn't realized how much tension he had been carrying in his body. Kaoru's touch eased the knotted muscles.

"Let me be your escape," Kaoru whispered in his ear. "Let me ease your pain."

Well, there was no harm in trying something new. Ryou shifted, letting Kaoru get better access. He hissed as Kaoru's fingers trailed down lower, working out all the kinks in his back. God, that felt good.

"You really need to take better care of yourself," Kaoru said. "It's not good for the savior of the World to be so uptight."

Ryou bit back a retort about how Kaoru the hikikimori was the last person who ought to give out health advice. Kaoru had actually come quite a long way from his days as a pale, scrawny internet addict. He was looking healthy and radiant now and infinitely more attractive. It wouldn't be too bad letting Kaoru fuss over him. He would provide a welcome distraction from the burdens of the World.

Ryou relaxed, letting Kaoru's gentle hands ease the pain.


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: So, this marks the beginning of the sexytimes. I know I don't write the greatest sex scenes, and this chapter was a huge struggle. But yes, it will continue into the next chapter XD

Disclaimer: I'm pretty glad I don't own .Hack right now. I'd be traumatizing myself everyday trying to imagine the boys nekkid XD I'd never get anything done.

Before Ryou knew it, Saturday night had come, the last night of the glorious week they had spent together. In the morning, Kaoru would have to go back home. Ryou wasn't looking forward to that, even though he knew Kaoru would return next weekend.

They had been having such a good time together. The awkwardness had evaporated and now Ryou felt comfortable around Kaoru as if he had known him for years. It certainly seemed sometimes like Kaoru had known him for much longer than a few months. Kaoru already knew his favorite foods, his favorite books, his favorite movies. It had been frightening at first how quickly Kaoru had learned all about him, but soon, Ryou began to like how well Kaoru knew him. It certainly made playing videogames with Kaoru more fun. Kaoru had never played most of the games Ryou had, since he had always played the World. But Kaoru caught up fairly quickly and soon they were pretty evenly matched. Ryou enjoyed the challenge of fighting against his equal.

Somehow, the playful taunts over the game had spilled into play fighting. Several times, Ryou had found himself pinned to the ground, laughing and begging for mercy as Kaoru tickled him. Ryou was reminded that Kaoru only looked delicate. He had anticipated all of Ryou's moves and had turned them against him. But Ryou wasn't too worried about being pinned down. When Kaoru had finally decided to take mercy on him, Ryou was always able to pull him down into a kiss.

Those were the happiest days Ryou had had in a long time. Even Kaoru had seemed to glow with happiness. But all good things had to come to an end, at least for the moment.

Ryou stretched out on the bed next to Kaoru, reluctantly glancing at the clock. It was almost midnight and they really needed to think about getting to bed if Kaoru was going to catch the late morning train. "It's our last night together," he said.

He didn't know what he'd do with himself after Kaoru left. He had gotten so used to having Kaoru's long limbs wrapped around him while he slept. And it had been wonderful waking up in the same position. If he had tried to roll around in his sleep at all, Kaoru's strong arms had restrained him. It was certainly nice to wake up without the cramped and achy muscles that came with falling halfway out of bed or twisting into a pretzel as he slept.

Kaoru curled a hand under his chin and stroked his cheek with his thumb. "I'll be back in a few days. I hate to be parted from you."

Ryou shuddered and closed his eyes, surrendering to his touch. "I'm going to miss you, too," he said.

"Then we should make tonight memorable. The memory of this night should sustain you until my return."

Ryou opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about, but all was forgotten as Kaoru pulled him into a searing kiss. There was far more intensity in that kiss than in the gentle, languid kisses they had shared all afternoon. This was the last desperate kiss before they had to part and it would serve as a reminder of how eagerly Kaoru was to return to his side. Ryou had no doubt that the next kiss upon their reunion would be equally passionate.

When they broke apart, Ryou was flushed and panting. "Damn," he said. "That kiss almost makes up for you having to go home."

Kaoru smiled. "I could kiss you again, if you'd like."

Ryou sighed. As appealing as that offer was, he had to stop things now so they could both get to bed. "We have to sleep. You still need to pack up all your stuff and find a place for that fruit shit you want to take home."

In truth, the fruit compote had turned out much better than Ryou had expected. Kaoru had been frightened by the stove and Ryou had to help him adjust the heat, but after that, everything went smoothly. Ryou suspected Kaoru wasn't as helpless as he pretended to be. He probably just wanted a chance to cling to him and Ryou wasn't about to deny him that.

"Morning will come soon enough," Kaoru said. "But I want to savor this night for as long as it lasts."

Ryou didn't protest as Kaoru's mouth moved down to his neck. He tilted his head back, allowing Kaoru better access. And he only whimpered and squirmed as Kaoru nibbled and licked all the way down to his collarbone.

He jerked back as Kaoru's palm settled over his stomach. "Don't you fucking dare try to tickle me again," he warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Kaoru said. "I'm just admiring your beautiful skin."

Ryou glanced down. His shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing a patch of bare skin over his stomach. "Stupid fucking shirt," Ryou muttered, yanking it back down. He felt more than a little silly for writhing on the bed like a girl.

"Why would you hide such beauty?" Kaoru murmured.

Ryou was startled as Kaoru's hands slipped beneath his shirt, too startled to put up much of fight as Kaoru slipped his shirt off over his head and off the side of the bed.

"That's better," Kaoru said. He ran his hands across Ryou's chest, gently squeezing his muscles. "Ah, Ryou, you are too beautiful for words."

Ryou felt the first stirrings of unease. "What the hell has gotten into you?" He struggled to sit up, only to find himself pushed back down against the bed and Kaoru's lips meeting his in another fierce kiss. Dazed, Ryou could only lay back and relax as Kaoru's mouth and hands roamed over his body.

But as Kaoru's hand slipped below his waistband, Ryou quickly regained his senses. "Oh, hell no!" He struggled in earnest now, frantically trying to push Kaoru off of him and escape the unwanted touches.

"Ryou, please," Kaoru said. "I want to prove my love for you."

"No! Hell no." Ryou shuddered. He couldn't believe it. Kaoru had only been distracting him with those marvelous kisses so he would have a chance to get into his pants.

"Don't be like this. Let me love you."

"If you think I'm going to lie here like some helpless maiden and let you fuck me," Ryou began furiously. He was too angry to say anything more. Why the hell would Kaoru think he wanted to be on the bottom? He had always, always been the dominant partner in all of his relationships. Just because he liked it when Kaoru pinned him down and kissed him didn't mean-

Shit.

Ryou's eyes narrowed. "I don't know what you did to me, but you better stop messing with my head right now. You might be able to trick me into thinking I like being fucking helpless, but there's no way in hell you're going to convince me I'd like to hurt like a bitch."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you," Kaoru said soothingly.

"You idiot. You can't promise me that. Sex hurts." He began to struggle anew. Kaoru really had no idea what sex was like.

"This isn't going to hurt," Kaoru insisted, his mouth curving into a slight smile. "If this hurts, I'm doing it all wrong."

Ryou's eyes widened as Kaoru palmed his groin through the fabric of his boxer shorts.

Oh.

"See?" Kaoru said. "I told you there was no pain."

Ryou swallowed and tried to convince himself he was still angry at Kaoru. He had never allowed anyone to touch him so intimately. None of his previous partners had been anyone Ryou considered worthy of losing his virginity to. But Kaoru was different from all of the rest. Ryou found that he wasn't as offended by Kaoru's touch as he thought he'd be.

"Alright," Ryou said breathlessly. "I guess I'll let you do this."

He knew he had made the right decision as unbridled joy spread across Kaoru's face. "Oh, Ryou. I can't believe you're allowing me this wondrous opportunity."

Ryou felt his face grow hot as Kaoru leaned into him, kissing down his neck and across his chest. He didn't even realize Kaoru's hands had begun working on pants until he was completely naked.

Kaoru rested a hand lightly on his hip, his expression almost reverential. "I'm honored that you would open yourself to me so willingly. No one else has seen this beautiful body in all its glory."

Ryou shifted uncomfortably. "Are you going to touch me or are you just going to talk at me?"

"I'm sorry, Ryou," Karou said serenely. "A body like yours is meant to be worshipped." Kaoru's hand slid from his hip to caress his inner thigh.

Ryou hissed as his body reacted with a jolt of heat. Kaoru wasn't nearly as innocent as he looked. The thought was both frightening and strangely appealing.

"Relax," Kaoru whispered in his ear. The slim fingers closed around his shaft.

Ryou bit back a groan. "Have you actually done this before?"

"Not with another person." Kaoru's eyes met his guiltily.

"Ah." He wasn't too surprised. Kaoru was a net addict. He had probably convinced himself that watching porn was the closest he'd ever get to a real relationship.

"I have longed for you," Kaoru admitted. "But my dreams and fantasies cannot possibly compare to this." He stroked one hand up Ryou's length.

Ryou gasped and arched his back, rolling his hips into the delicious friction. Damn, why hadn't they done this sooner?

Kaoru murmured words of endearment to him as he pumped him with gradually increasing speed. These were declarations of love that Ryou had heard from Kaoru many times before, but now they seemed to be said more passionately.

Ryou felt like he was drowning. All rational thought had escaped him. He was aware only of his overstimulated body, of the rhythmic movement of Kaoru's soft hands, of Kaoru's teeth against his ear, of the hoarsely whispered words of love. Ryou didn't know how much longer he could stand this wonderful torture. He was whimpering, making tiny desperate mewls, but he no longer cared. Pride was forgotten. He could only concentrate on the pressure building between his legs, his body and his lungs threatening to explode at any moment.

"Relax," Kaoru whispered to him, his tongue tracing the shell of Ryou's ear.

"Kaoru!" Ryou gasped. He reached for Kaoru, his hands tightening around the slim wrists as his body seized in an uncontrollable spasm.

Finally the rigidity was gone from his muscles and he fell back against the bed. His whole body felt drained. His limbs felt heavy and it seemed to take an effort just to breathe. But he also felt incredibly warm and relaxed. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in Kaoru's arms and sleep until the feeling of weakness passed. Luckily, Kaoru seemed more than happy to hold him and stroke his hair.

"Oh, Ryou. I've wanted to do this for so long. I've yearned to touch you."

"Really? Then why didn't you just jump me?" Ryou had newfound respect for Kaoru's self-control. He had been drunk and completely helpless and all Kaoru had done was kiss him.

"You would have been angry."

"Well, yeah. But you should have jumped me anyway."

Kaoru smiled and his fingers gently threaded through Ryou's hair. Lulled by the gentle touch, Ryou let his eyes drift shut.

"Ryou? Can you move?"

"Maybe." He opened one eye and frowned. "Why?"

Ryou was mildly annoyed when Kaoru stopped petting his hair. Kaoru's hands returned to his thighs, gently nudging his legs apart.

"And what the hell are you doing now?" Ryou muttered.

"Jumping you," Kaoru responded with a crooked smile.

Ryou swallowed. He had asked for this, hadn't he? Damn his stupid mouth.

"Now, I know you've never done this before," Ryou said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

Kaoru's cheeks turned a dusky shade of pink. "I've done research," he said. "They have an illustrated version of the Kama Sutra online."

"Damn. You kinky motherfucker."

Kaoru hunched his shoulders. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Not really. Unless you're into the really weird shit."

"Of course not," Kaoru assured him. "I just wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing."

Ryou sighed. He really didn't want to do this. It didn't matter that Kaoru probably knew more about the mechanics of sex than he did. The thought of having to be on bottom was still unpleasant and his stomach twisted just thinking about the pain and humiliation.

"I'll be as gentle as possible," Kaoru said. "I won't promise you that there will be no pain, but I will promise to do everything I can to keep the pain at a minimum. We will take this slowly, make sure your body is prepared."

Ryou didn't want to hear it. He was filled with the sudden impulse to put his hands over his ears and block out Kaoru's voice and maybe when he uncovered his ears again, everything would have gone back to normal.

But Kaoru was still talking, his eyes alight with confidence and Ryou knew that Kaoru wasn't going to give up so easily. He looked about to roll up his sleeves, but seemed to think better of it. Instead, Kaoru pulled his shirt over his head in one fluid motion and then leisurely stretched his arms out over his head. The action was all so casual, so innocent that Ryou doubted Kaoru was trying to get a rise out of him. But he stared at the expanse of smooth white skin and felt his stomach tighten. He hadn't seen Kaoru without a shirt since his first visit. He had been cadaverously thin then, but he wasn't anymore. He was still a little too skinny, but there was health and vitality radiating from the slender body and almost a glow to the pale skin.

He was fucking gorgeous.

Hesitantly, Ryou lifted one hand to brush against Kaoru's chest. He was almost mesmerized looking at his tan fingers splayed out across the pale white skin.

Kaoru shifted closer to him and Ryou curled his hands over Kaoru's shoulder and down his back. He listened to Kaoru's steady breathing and inhaled the comforting musky scent.

Taking a deep breath, Ryou slowly uncurled his hands from Kaoru's shoulder. He really was going to go through with this, he realized. He was actually going to let Kaoru fuck him.

"


	19. Chapter 18

A/N: So, the continuation of the sexytimes. Ryou's being pretty spazzy and all sorts of freaked out and out of character, but I'm sure he'll behave later.

Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack, I'd probably have a team of people making the sexytimes awesome and not awkward and hard to write at all. But, damnit, it's just me struggling through it.

Even though Ryou had admitted to himself that he wasn't totally against the idea of Kaoru fucking him, there was no way he was going to say it. The thought of having to ask to be dominated hurt his pride far too much. If Kaoru knew him half as well as he seemed to, he would already know. If not, well, they just wouldn't have sex. As aroused as he was, Ryou would happily give up on sex and be content snuggling into Kaoru's arms for the night.

Cuddling suddenly seemed like a fantastic idea. Ryou rested his head against Kaoru's shoulder and closed his eyes. This was enough for him. His traitorous dick would just have to suck it up and stop paying attention to Kaoru's nearness.

"Ryou? Have I worn you out?"

Ryou snorted and burrowed further into Kaoru's arms. He wasn't really tired anymore. Kaoru's body heat was just warm and soothing. And Kaoru's hand gently stroking his hip was nice, too. Ryou groaned and arched into the touch. Immediately, he realized his mistake as his groin made contact with Kaoru's stomach.

"Ah," Kaoru said, his eyes widening.

Damn it. There went that plan.

Ryou looked away, his face burning. "Alright, alright. Let's get this over with."

"I need to prepare your body," Kaoru whispered huskily.

"I know how sex works," Ryou snapped. "Just get the fuck on with it."

The more Kaoru talked, the more Ryou began to doubt his decision. He didn't want to be reminded of what he was in for.

Kaoru leaned over the bed, reaching for something in Ryou's medicine box. Ryou sighed. "If you're looking for lube, I don't have any. Never thought I'd need it."

"We'll make do," Kaoru said.

Ryou closed his eyes again, willing away the sound of Kaoru rifling through the box. What the hell was Kaoru planning on doing, dosing him with painkillers to get through the sex? It sounded like a really shitty alternative to lube.

But the rustling stopped suddenly and before Ryou could summon the nerve to ask Kaoru what he'd found, one of Kaoru's fingers smeared something cold and gooey against his backside.

"Fuck, this shit is cold," Ryou complained, twisting away from Kaoru's hands. How the hell was sex going to pleasant when it felt like Kaoru was jamming an ice cube up his ass?

"I'm sorry, Ryou, but this has to be done."

"What the hell is this stuff anyway?"

Kaoru glanced down at the bottle. "Aloe vera."

"Fuck, Kaoru. That stuff's supposed to cool burns. No wonder it's goddamned cold."

"Your body will get used to it. Then it will be a pleasant sensation."

Ryou's eyes narrowed. Of course Kaoru had to be into the kinky stuff.

Kaoru planted a gentle kiss on his forehead and then slowly slipped a finger inside his body.

Ryou tried to hold back the undignified squeaks and whimpers. There wasn't any real pain. It just felt incredibly cold and weird. But as Kaoru's probing finger brushed against a spot deep inside him, Ryou could do nothing to hold back his shriek.

Kaoru jerked his hand back. "I'm so sorry, Ryou. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Ryou seized Kaoru's wrist. "Do that again," he demanded.

Kaoru stared at him, openly surprised. Ryou felt his cheeks flush with shame. God, he probably looked like a whore. What was wrong with him?

A hand slid under his chin, gently tilting his head back. "Look at me."

Ryou reluctantly turned his gaze back to Kaoru's face. At least Kaoru wasn't laughing at him. "I want you to remember that I'm doing this to you," Kaoru said in a low voice.

Ryou shuddered as Kaoru's finger deliberately stroked that sensitive spot. "Kaoru, please."

"Remember that I love you and I want you to enjoy this. I don't want to see you miserable."

Now there was mild discomfort as Kaoru added a second finger and wiggled the two inside him, stretching the two as wide apart as he could. And then they were joined by a third.

"Are you trying to stick your whole damn hand up my ass?" Ryou demanded. There was real pain now, not unbearable, but enough to make him gasp and squirm.

"Almost ready," Kaoru said. He lifted Ryou's hips and slipped a pillow down under the small of his back.

Ryou tried to ignore the rustle of Kaoru's pants hitting the floor. He cringed and squeezed his eyes shut as he felt skin-on-skin contact, Kaoru's slender leg hooked under his knee, pulling apart thighs that he had subconsciously clamped shut.

"Most people don't have sex with their eyes closed," Kaoru said. Ryou could hear the amusement in his voice.

"Well, I'm not most people."

"Alright then."

Ryou's resolve to keep his eyes closed the entire time, just to spite Kaoru somehow, was quickly shaken. He groaned as Kaoru began pushing into him. It hurt like hell and he wanted the reassurance of looking into Kaoru's eyes and knowing he wasn't trying to hurt him. He was trembling by the time Kaoru was fully sheathed, desperately clinging to Kaoru's shoulders. His body felt about to burst and he needed something to ground him.

"Are you okay, Ryou?" Kaoru's fingertips felt like raindrops against his cheek. Belatedly, Ryou realized that it was only because his cheeks were streaked with tears and Kaoru was just wiping them away.

"Ugh. I'm fine. I'm just acting like a wimp." Ryou shifted, trying to get comfortable with the intense pressure.

"You're not a wimp, Ryou." Kaoru's hand massaged his hip. "You are far braver than I would ever be."

"Bullshit," Ryou began. He stopped, wincing as his voice cracked. He opened one eye and glared at Kaoru. The blonde's face remained impassive, showing none of the strain Ryou felt. He was immediately jealous of Kaoru's self-control. "How are you still this coherent?"

"I don't know." Ryou felt the tremor through Kaoru's frame. "I can't hold back much longer. I want to prove these feelings to you."

"Then, why don't you just do something?" The pain had ebbed and Ryou was now impatient to feel something in its place. He bucked his hips upward, smirking at Kaoru's startled gasp. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Don't tempt me," Kaoru said, his voice low and husky. His hands tightened around Ryou's hips.

Ryou snickered. He knew he shouldn't antagonize Kaoru when he had the power to make everything hurt like hell, but he just couldn't resist. It felt damn good to drag Kaoru down to his level and watch his legendary self-control slip away.

Kaoru leaned forward, flicking his tongue over the shell of Ryou's ear. "You have no idea how greatly I desire you."

"Then why the hell are you holding back? I'm not made of glass. I can take it."

"Very well," Kaoru said. He rocked his hips forward in a shallow thrust.

Ryou cursed and twisted sideways. Why was he always opening his mouth and talking shit? He knew it always made things worse.

Kaoru's hands held him firmly in place. "No more games, Ryou. I will make love to you and you will stop fighting me."

Ryou's protest morphed into a howl of pleasure as Kaoru's next thrust hit at just the right spot.

"That's better," Kaoru said in a gentler voice. "Just surrender your body to me and I will make you feel wonderful."

"D-damn you," Ryou gasped out, clutching Kaoru's shoulders for dear life. He felt like he was going crazy and he need something to hold onto to ground himself.

Kaoru increased his pace and adjusted his angle so every thrust hit directly against that sensitive bundle of nerves. Ryou writhed and cried out.

"Oh god, Kaoru. Holy fucking shit."

Kaoru bent forward, pressing his lips over Ryou's, swallowing the rest of his cries. Ryou kissed him back eagerly, tightening his arms around Kaoru to pull him in closer. They were both panting and the kiss was a little sloppy, but Ryou didn't care.

He whined as Kaoru pulled back from the kiss. "Kaoru, please."

Kaoru kissed his neck and Ryou gasped as his teeth scraped the skin. He arched wantonly against Kaoru. The friction was delicious and the slight reminder of pain was even a turn-on. But maybe it was only because he was so close to his peak, when everything felt incredibly sensitive.

Ryou groaned and dug his nails into Kaoru's back. He could feel the pressure building in his gut like a wildfire. And if Kaoru's whimpers were any indication, he was feeling it, too. Like everything else, Kaoru's thrusts were becoming more erratic, less controlled. The pain resurfaced as Kaoru bit down harder on the juncture of his neck. It was all becoming too, too much. Ryou's vision temporarily went white as he hit his peak, accompanied by a rush of pleasurable warmth.

Kaoru collapsed on top of him. Ryou grunted and shifted to accommodate his weight. He felt sweaty and sticky, but he didn't mind Kaoru snuggling into the crook of his neck, even though he didn't need his body heat anymore. Ryou stroked Kaoru's soft, silky hair and listened to his heavy breathing. This was something he thought he could really get used to.

"Oh, Ryou," Kaoru murmured. "Have I hurt you?" He gingerly lifted himself up onto his arms.

"I'm fine," Ryou said. "You don't weigh that much."

"I don't know what came over me. I promised I would be gentle with you, but then I lost myself in seeking pleasure. Can you ever forgive me, Ryou?"

"I said I'm fine," Ryou snapped.

The post-sex bliss had worn off quicker than Ryou thought possible. He didn't feel quite as weak and helpless as he had after the first time. He was already beginning to come to his senses and realize just how deep a hole he had dug himself into. There was no way he could deny what had happened. Kaoru was still buried inside him. With a violent squirm, Ryou soon remedied that. He lay back, breathing hard, trying to remind his body that it had survived perfectly well before Kaoru had come along.

"Good-night, Ryou," Kaoru murmured. Ryou stiffened as Kaoru wrapped his arms around him.

He didn't have the energy at the moment, but eventually he would have to put a stop to these mushy moments. He was only making himself Kaoru's bitch and Ryou Misaki was nobody's bitch.


	20. Chapter 19

A/N: As you probably already guessed, sex scenes are really hard for me to write. Especially the first sex scene in a story. After that, it gets a little easier/better so please don't give up on me.

Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack, Endrance would have a much, much bigger role standing by Haseo's side…and hugging him. In the game. As a cutscene. XD Oh god, that's too bad.

Ryou woke up the next day feeling a little sore. He embraced the pain. It was a reminder of his weakness, his stupidity, his cowardice. But of course, Kaoru wasn't going to let him have even this small mercy.

Kaoru was already awake, watching him as he slid gingerly out of bed. "Are you in pain, Ryou?"

"I'm fine."

"Let me find the aspirin."

"I don't need it," Ryou said between gritted teeth.

"Ryou, please. I don't want to see you suffer-"

"Goddamn it, Kaoru. Did you listen to a fucking thing I said? I don't want your pity, I don't want your medicine. Just leave me alone."

Kaoru froze, his face becoming a marble mask. "I'm sorry," he said in a small voice.

"I don't want to hear it," Ryou growled. He kicked the blankets aside with a curse and stormed into the kitchen to look for breakfast.

Kaoru was quiet the rest of the morning, which was a great relief. This was what he wanted, wasn't it, to put a little distance between them? There would be no more whispered words of love, no more touches across the table. Ryou felt only the slightest sense of loss and he quickly steeled himself against it. No, all the mushy crap was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place. He had spent too much time blushing like a schoolgirl and it had led Kaoru to believe he was easy. Well, Kaoru wouldn't make that mistake again.

Soon, it was time for Kaoru to go home. There were no good-bye kisses, no tearful hugs. They walked several feet apart, saying nothing. At the station, Kaoru reached out as if to embrace him, and then seemed to think better of it, letting his arms drop to his side.

"Good-bye, Ryou," Kaoru said to the floor. "I'll see you again Friday."

"Bye," Ryou said gruffly. He turned and walked away, not bothering to answer the question in Kaoru's eyes. By Friday, he would probably feel a little more charitable about the whole mess. But it was better not to tell Kaoru that. Let him worry for a few days. By the time he was ready to talk to him again, Kaoru would beg for his forgiveness.

Ryou had full confidence in this plan. He ignored the notification that Endrance was back online Sunday night and didn't bother opening the two e-mails Endrance sent him Monday afternoon. From the subject lines, they appeared to be merely an invitation to go training together. Ryou smirked. Kaoru was already missing Haseo. It was a good start.

On Tuesday afternoon, Ryou decided to train with Atoli and Kuhn. The three of them walked through Breg Epona together, taking the long way to the portal. Atoli's voice was bright with excitement as she chattered on about what a beautiful day it was, how wonderful it would be to adventuring with Haseo again. With a pang of guilt, Ryou realized that he had been neglecting her. He had been spending so much time with Endrance/Kaoru that he had forgotten about the rest of his friends. Well, that wasn't going to happen again. He resolved that he would spend at least a few hours each week training with everybody.

"And we really ought to pick up some items for Gaspard to sell in the shop," Atoli said, her hands clasped behind her back. "Gaspard sure loves working as the shopkeeper. And he's really good at it. We can't leave him with an empty shop."

Haseo chuckled. "I'm sure we'll find plenty of items today. And Gaspard can have all of them."

Atoli brightened. "I'll do my best, Haseo. Come on, I'll race you to the portal."

Haseo watched her flit ahead. He envied Atoli's spirit. She always seemed so happy, so carefree. He knew she had her doubts, her insecurities, her private pains. But no matter how bad things looked, she remained optimistic that they would one day defeat AIDA once and for all. He was lucky to have her fighting by his side.

After a moment, he chased after her. She was laughing, darting down the streets like a little pixie, white wings streaming behind her. She drew up short right before the portal. "Oh," she said, the amusement gone from her voice.

Haseo knew immediately why she had stopped. Endrance was standing in front of the warp portal.

Haseo crossed his arms over his chest. For a long time, nothing was said. He simply glared at Endrance, willing him to move by the mere force of his anger. But as Kuhn finally caught up to them, Endrance stepped forward instead of stepping aside.

"Haseo, I've been looking for you."

"Well, you found me. Now, if you'll excuse me, my _friends _and I have places to be."

Endrance blocked his path. "Why have you been avoiding me? You owe me some sort of explanation."

"I don't have owe you anything," Haseo hissed.

"But, Haseo, you and I have always fought side by side…" Endrance's voice trailed off into a papery whisper.

"So what? I can hang out with other people if I want to. You don't own me."

Atoli cleared her throat and glanced between the two of them with wide, nervous eyes. "Uh, well, I-I think I better be going now."

Haseo cursed as her character disappeared in a flash of blue light. He turned narrowed eyes onto Endrance. "You're still not invited," he ground out. "I don't care if we just have a party of two. Kuhn and I can do this on our own. Right, Kuhn?"

Kuhn snickered. "This is the greatest lover's spat I've ever seen. I bet the make-up sex will be killer."

"Get lost, Kuhn." Haseo swung his scythe, making sure Kuhn knew exactly what he meant.

Kuhn put up his hands defensively. "I'm going, I'm going. Take it easy." He cocked his head to one side with a smirk. "I know you two need some alone time." Kuhn's laughter rang out as his character vanished.

"Fine," Haseo said into the silence. "I'll do it myself."

"Haseo, you know it's foolish to take on a high-level field all by yourself."

"Go away, Endrance. I'm a lot stronger than you think I am. I could kick your ass right now."

Endrance sucked in a breath. "Haseo, will you not tell me what's troubling you? You're not yourself."

Haseo snorted. "No, this is the real me." He spread his arms wide. "You like what you see? No? Were you expecting a weak and docile Haseo? Too bad, that bitch isn't coming back."

Endrance took a step back, his forehead furrowed. "I see," he said. "This hurt cuts far deeper than I thought. I'll have to come make my apology in person."

"Don't even think about it. I'm not picking you up at the station."

"That doesn't matter. I know the way by heart."

"I'm not letting you into my apartment," Haseo growled. "Now get out of my face. Do something productive for once."

Endrance sighed. "As you wish, Haseo." With outstretched arms, his character vanished.

Ryou breathed a sigh of relief. Now he was left to his own devices. With a feral grin that would have made Atoli squeak in alarm, Haseo charged into the warp portal and emerged into the middle of a cloudy field. He dropped immediately into a fighting stance, scythe in hand. The stormy weather was a perfect reflection of his mood. He couldn't wait to start slaughtering enemies.

Five minutes into the field, Ryou became aware of a nagging buzzing sound that was just loud enough to interrupt his gameplay. Lifting his M2D slightly, he glanced around the room until he saw his phone vibrating across the desk. He looked at the screen. A text message from Kaoru. Just fucking perfect.

"This is not productive!" Ryou shouted at the phone. He shoved the phone into a drawer and adjusted his M2D. Kaoru could waste his life texting him if he wanted to, but he wasn't going to answer him. No, he was just going to happily go back to his murderous rampage without having to hear his phone go off again.

It was working. He was immersing himself in the game, channeling all his rage through Haseo. The field presented just enough of a challenge that he could think about nothing else except staying alive. It would have been easier with a second party member, but Ryou had never been about the easy way. Fighting was in his blood. He felt alive, he felt exhilarated.

Breathlessly, Haseo staggered to the end of the field. He had come out of the last fight with only a sliver of health remaining and he was all out of healing items. He hadn't gone solo through a field in a very long time and it really showed in all of the careless mistakes he had made. But even though he had nearly gotten his ass kicked several times, Ryou could already feel his mood lifting. He had triumphed in the end and that was the important thing. He was already looking forward to taking the same field on a second time, right after he replenished his healing potions.

But Ryou didn't get the chance for another battle. As the World's music hit a quiet patch, a crash came from the kitchen.

Ryou stilled and listened carefully. Maybe he was just imagining-no, there it was again, a low sound like pots and pans banging together. He carefully slipped off the M2D and reached for his cell phone. There was a rustling sound down the hall, quickly approaching the bedroom. Ryou stood up from the desk and flattened himself against the wall, waiting as the sound got closer and closer.

The cat streaked into the room and vaulted over the desk, leaving a trail of white floury pawprints.

Ryou groaned and let out the breath he had been holding. "Motherfucking cat. Let's see the damage."

He had expected to see a bag of flour tipped over in the pantry, maybe a few pots and pans knocked off the shelf. He was not expecting to see Kaoru rooting through the cupboards as if he owned the place.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Kaoru whirled around, clutching the frying pan to his chest. "Oh, hello, Ryou." He gingerly set the pan back on the counter and backed further into the kitchen. "I was just, I was just going to make you some pancakes with the fruit on top, the kind you like." His eyes darted around the room. "But maybe it's not the best time for that."

"Why the hell is wrong with you? You broke into my apartment to make pancakes?

"Well, not exactly. The door was unlocked."

Ryou balled his hands into fists and kicked the kitchen cabinet with a scream of frustration. "Goddamnit, Kaoru. Is there anywhere I can get away from you? You follow me around the World, you follow me home. Goddamnit, I want some privacy!"

Ryou's eyes narrowed. The bathroom. Yes, that was his last stronghold of privacy. He could lock himself inside until Kaoru gave up and went home. He turned on his heel and marched down the hallway towards the bathroom.

"Ryou, wait!" Kaoru caught up to him just as he was about to close the door. He wedged himself between the door and the wall and no amount of shoving would budge him.

"This is the bathroom, goddamnit. Leave me alone."

"Not until you hear me out."

Ryou huffed and reluctantly let go of the door. There was no way he was going to get rid of Kaoru until he humored him. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Alright, what do you want?"

"What have I done for you to treat me this way?"

"You know damn well what you did."

"No, Ryou, I don't. All I have ever done is try to love you."

"Bullshit. You don't know a damn thing about love. All you want is to bring me down to your level and make me weak like you. Fuck you, I'm not standing for this anymore. You're not touching me again." He swung at Kaoru.

Kaoru dodged the first punch and caught the second one. Ryou growled as his arm was twisted behind his back and glared at Kaoru with all the rage he could muster. But Kaoru only gazed back at him with pity.

"Ryou, you should have told me that I was hurting you. I'm sorry that the pain's gotten unbearable, but there's no reason for you to suffer on in silence. Let me help you heal."

Ryou snorted. "I already told you, asshole. It takes more than a skinny wimp like you to break me. The only thing hurt is my pride."

Kaoru frowned and released him. "This is all about your wounded pride? Ryou, I didn't think you could possibly be so petty and small-minded."

That was it. Ryou had heard enough. He shoved him back against the wall and pinned his arms over his head. "Now, you look here-"

Kaoru flinched. "Please, Ryou. I bruise easily."

It took Ryou a moment to realize Kaoru thought he was going to hit him. Maybe Kaoru did deserve a smack upside the head for being an oblivious idiot. But just because he had him pinned against the wall didn't mean he was actually going to hit him. It was just an instinctive reaction, carried over from the days when he had to keep his partners from touching him while he kissed them senseless.

Ryou licked his lips as he regarded Kaoru's squirming form. Yes, this was all so familiar. He had a hot body at his mercy and anger flowing through his veins. He needed to get out all the aggression.

Kaoru twitched as Ryou bit down on his collarbone. "Is this really what you want?"

"Shut up." Ryou smashed their lips together, ensuring he wouldn't hear another damn thing out of Kaoru until he decided he could speak again.

Kaoru responded immediately, opening his mouth and closing his eyes. It was exactly the kind of submissive behavior Ryou liked after a decent struggle. And he had certainly had a long struggle with Kaoru. He should have felt triumphant and deeply satisfied, but he felt nothing.

"What have you done to me?" Ryou shoved Kaoru aside and backed away from him. He promptly tripped over the toilet and staggered back a few steps to catch his balance. It wasn't the first time he had cursed his tiny bathroom, but it was the first time he had actually tripped over something while the lights were on. It was a new low.

Kaoru's hands steadied him against the far wall. "Ryou, are you okay?"

Ryou let out a frustrated growl and grabbed handfuls of Kaoru's hair, yanking him closer. "You did this on purpose. I don't know how, but you've won, damn you. You've got just what you wanted."

Kaoru cupped his cheek. "This is not a competition, Ryou. There are no winners and losers here." He gently detached Ryou's fingers from his hair. "Love is mutually beneficial."

Ryou groaned as Kaoru's lips moved against his neck. He braced himself against the sink. "Fuck my life. You've ruined me."

"Don't be so dramatic. You're changed for the better."

Ryou sighed and wrapped his arms around Kaoru's neck. As much as he hated to admit it, Kaoru was usually right. He seemed to know him better than he knew himself sometimes. But he still didn't see how wanting to play the bitch was a change for the better.


	21. Chapter 20

A/N: Hi all, I've been on vacation so I was lazy and didn't do much writing. But now I've finally worked more on my lovely Ryou. And after a lot of pointless squabbling and bitching, I think Ryou is finally done being an asshole and will now stop self-sabotaging his relationship. I mean, he's still going to cuss up a storm and be grumpy about things, because that's just his nature. But finally, finally there will be mutual loving going on.

Disclaimer: Twenty chapters later….no, still don't own .Hack.

Ryou allowed Kaoru to lead him back into his room. He sighed as Kaoru turned off the computer and headed for the bed. It was still late afternoon, far too early to go to sleep. Which meant Kaoru probably wanted sex again. Ryou's stomach clenched, but he reminded himself that he had survived it once. The second time would be easier.

To his great relief, Kaoru seemed content to do nothing more than curl up beside him and stroke his hair. Slowly, Ryou allowed himself to relax and just enjoy the moment.

"Ryou, what are you thinking about?" Kaoru murmured. "You seem tense."

Ryou flushed and looked away. "I just thought you would, you know…" He couldn't bring himself to say it aloud.

Kaoru stroked his cheek. "I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I couldn't bear to hurt your beautiful spirit again."

Ryou sighed. "I can't believe you. I've been an asshole and you're still here, trying to take all the blame."

Kaoru cupped his hand around his chin. "I didn't ask your permission because I thought I knew you so well, that I could read exactly what you were thinking. But I was wrong. I have assumed too much and hurt you deeply. I know it will take some time for you to trust me again, but I-"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "For god's sake, Kaoru, I'm over it already. Don't be so melodramatic."

Kaoru pressed a finger to Ryou's lips. "I will not make that mistake again. I have loved you without knowing anything about you beyond what I've seen in Haseo. And you are not just Haseo. There are so many more layers to you. I want to see beyond the surface and first impressions. I want to see everything."

Ryou swallowed. He couldn't help that his mind went straight into the gutter. Kaoru probably hadn't meant it to sound like he wanted to see him naked, but that was all Ryou could hear.

"Kaoru, are you really proposing that I-"

"Yes, I really want you to tell me everything, all your secrets, your fears, your insecurities. Don't hold anything back from me. I want to understand you."

Ryou snorted. "I'm not that hard to understand. I'm pretty blunt about how I feel."

"I don't just want to know how you feel. I want to know why you feel that way. Explain to me what about sex makes you so uncomfortable."

"I don't think this really needs to be said, but I like to fight and I like to win. No offense, Kaoru, but losing to you in a fight feels pretty shitty."

"I see," Kaoru said.

Ryou rolled his eyes. That was what people said when they didn't know what the fuck was going on, but didn't want to admit it.

"You like to be in control and it must have been difficult to give up control of what was happening to your body. I had the potential to hurt you and you had to trust that I would be careful."

"It's not that I don't trust you-"

"It's alright, Ryou. I understand." He caressed Ryou's cheek. "There are other methods that we can explore together."

Ryou watched warily as Kaoru rose and made his way to the foot of the bed. What the hell was Kaoru doing? He didn't mind Kaoru's body draped across his legs, but it was a little weird.

Kaoru's slender hand moved up Ryou's leg to his inner thighs and Ryou squirmed and bit his lip. For one terrifying moment, he was sure that Kaoru was tricking him and he was still going to try and fuck him. But as Kaoru palmed him through his jeans, Ryou remembered that he had jerked him off before he fucked him. Admittedly, he was still giving Kaoru control over a very sensitive part of his body, but he didn't feel as helpless. And as distasteful as the thought was, Ryou knew he'd be able to return the favor. It wasn't exactly a normal relationship, but then again, they weren't exactly normal people.

Ryou closed his eyes and focused on Kaoru's hand rubbing slow circles over his crotch.

"Do you trust me, Ryou?"

Ryou opened one eye. "Do I trust you not to fucking jump me again? Yeah. Because if you try it again, I'm going to kick your ass."

Kaoru blinked rapidly and cocked his head to one side. "You trust that I won't hurt you?"

Ryou snorted and closed his eyes again. "Just get on with it, Kaoru." There was no way Kaoru would be able to screw up a handjob. Kaoru had done enough practice with himself.

"Are you sure, Ryou? I don't want to do anything that makes you-"

"I already told you it was fine. You know what you're doing."

He sighed in relief as Kaoru unzipped his jeans. He wiggled a little, helping Kaoru tug them down his hips, followed by his boxers. Now he was exposed and vulnerable, but it was hard to really think about that with Kaoru's slender fingers wrapped around his length. Ryou groaned and turned his face into the pillow. That wonderful wet heat was just too much.

Wet?

Ryou forced his eyes open. Kaoru was kneeling in front of him, his mouth around his dick. It was the most erotic and yet the most terrifying thing Ryou had ever seen. He couldn't even find the words to ask Kaoru what the hell he thought he was doing. All he could manage was a strangled shriek.

Kaoru lifted his head immediately and he stroked Ryou's thigh with a desperate earnestness. "I'm sorry, darling. Have I hurt you?" He pressed his lips together and then puffed them out. "It doesn't exactly feel natural, but I thought I was gentle enough."

"That's not, I mean, it doesn't hurt, but, uh, what the hell, Kaoru? You didn't tell me you were going to do this."

"Oh. My apologies, Ryou. I've heard it's a very pleasurable act and I thought you might like to try. Was I wrong?"

"Yes, I mean, no…I mean, damnit, Kaoru. You're not supposed to be doing this."

Kaoru lifted an eyebrow. "Yes, I suppose usually it's a woman doing this. But I'd rather not surrender you to any woman. I'm sure I can do this just as well."

Ryou snapped his mouth shut, feeling his face heat up. Kaoru really had a way of making him flustered, the way he talked as if everything was completely normal and Ryou was the crazy one. But what man willing sucked another man off? Ryou hadn't even asked him to, Kaoru had just decided to do it.

"Just relax," Kaoru advised him. "There is no pain, only pleasure."

"But you're not supposed to want to do this," Ryou protested.

"Why not?" Kaoru asked.

As Kaoru's hand closed around his shaft, Ryou couldn't think of a logical reason why Kaoru shouldn't be giving him a blowjob if that's what he wanted to do. Maybe there wasn't a real reason other than the fact that nobody beside Kaoru would ever do such a thing.

"Is this unpleasant for you?" Kaoru asked.

"Well, no." As weird as it was, it wasn't bad having Kaoru's mouth on him. Kaoru sure knew how to make him feel good.

"Then your only complaint is that I'm not supposed to do this."

Yes, that summed it up nicely.

"Then I will continue. What should we care about what is normal? We are two men in love with each other and that alone is abnormal."

Ryou couldn't argue with that, so he nodded and settled back into the bed. If he closed his eyes and tried not to think about it too much, he could ignore the fact that Kaoru was on his knees, swallowing-nope, nope. He wasn't going to think about that at all. He was just going to let himself enjoy how it felt. The wonderful warmth, Kaoru's soft lips and slick tongue. Ryou groaned and arched upwards as far as he could with Kaoru's arm resting across his hips.

He was beginning to feel desperate for release. Blindly, he reached for Kaoru and grabbed onto a clump of hair. "Kaoru, please. I'm not going to be able to…" This should at least remind Kaoru that it was time to stop, to pull back. But Kaoru only pulled more of him into his mouth. Ryou cried out, feeling the world constrict to a white pinpoint.

When Ryou summoned enough strength to open his eyes, Kaoru was looking down at him with an expression of benevolent satisfaction. He delicately wiped the corner of his mouth. "The taste is not nearly as bad as I've been led to believe."

Ryou shuddered, trying not to be moved by the sensual scene. "I can't believe you," he said. "I can't believe you would do this for me."

"Why not?" Kaoru asked. "Shouldn't I do something to make my love happy?" He moved up the bed to rest at Ryou's side.

Ryou buried his face in Kaoru's chest, fighting the urge to cry. "You shouldn't want to. I'm your bitch, remember? You should be forcing me to-"

"I will never force you to do anything," Kaoru said sternly. "I love you and I want to make you happy."

"But you're the top. You're not supposed to debase yourself for me."

Kaoru sighed and tipped Ryou's chin back. "Look at me, Ryou. We are equal partners in this relationship. I have no power over you unless you decide to give it to me. You are not to think of yourself as weak and helpless to my will."

Ryou frowned. "And you get this kind of relationship advice from porn?"

Kaoru smiled. "Oh, Ryou, I love your irrepressible spirit." He stroked Ryou's hair. "I love to see that you are happy, that you are not distressed by my actions."

Ryou grasped Kaoru's wrist. "And I want you to be happy too."

Kaoru's smile stiffened. "Oh no, Ryou. I couldn't ask that of you. You're not ready."

"Yes, I am. I'm not going to sit here and demand all the attention like a fucking leech."

"Ryou, you're not strong enough to handle this. Remember how you behaved last time?"

Ryou felt his blood begin to boil at the patronizing tone to Kaoru's words. "Fuck you. You don't know me. You don't know what I can handle. If I say I'm ready, I'm ready. Now, are you going to fuck me or are you going to be a pussy about it?"

Kaoru sighed. "Very well, Ryou. But I warned you."


	22. Chapter 21

A/N: And on to the second sex scene. God, I don't know why I'm stuffing this story full of sexytimes. I'm terrible at writing sex scenes and I decided to do a ton of them….lord help me.

Disclaimer: I'd like to think that if I was part of this big wonderful company making .Hack that my sex scenes wouldn't be so awkwardsauce. But alas, I don't have a team of editors to help me fix the awkward.

Ryou had hoped that yelling at Kaoru would spur him to action. It had worked in the past. But Kaoru spent several minutes sitting on the side of the bed, toying with the bottle of aloe and looking lost in thought. Ryou huffed and flopped back on the bed, bunching the pillow up under his neck. Kaoru had to be so damn stubborn. He was offering Kaoru exactly what he wanted, and now he was hesitating. It didn't make any sense.

"I'm sorry, Ryou," Kaoru said in a small voice. "I don't know if I can handle such a burden."

Ryou snorted and rolled over, putting his back to him. "I don't know what's got you so freaked out. I'm the one taking it up the ass. If anyone has a right to not feel ready, it's me. But I'm not worrying about this like you are."

"I appreciate your trust in me," Kaoru said.

Ryou flinched as Kaoru's fingers brushed the back of his neck. "Now what are you doing?"

"Trying to get you to relax."

Ryou rolled his eyes as Kaoru's fingers disappeared into his hair. "Well, it's not working." Not that he needed Kaoru's help anyway. He was just fine, thank you very much.

Kaoru leaned closer, his breath against Ryou's ear. "I want you to remember that I love you and I would never try to hurt you."

"For fuck's sake," Ryou growled. "It didn't hurt that much."

"And it will hurt even less this time," Kaoru said.

"Exactly. So get the fuck on with it."

"I will, as soon as you stop shaking."

Ugh. As if the day couldn't get any more humiliating.

"It's alright to be nervous, Ryou. I've seen you accomplish great things when you're under pressure. But please let me know if the stress is too much for you."

Ryou took a deep breath. Kaoru was right. The World had thrown him so many curveballs and he had suffered through hell to try and make things right. And no matter how hard the battle had seemed, somehow he had always made it through and come out on top. If he could take on AIDA and win, surely he could survive sex. What exactly was he afraid of anyway? His life wasn't even in danger.

"Alright, let's do this," Ryou said. "I'm ready."

He tried not to cringe as Kaoru touched him with cold, aloe-slick fingers. The preparation was the worst part.

"You're sure you want this? I will understand if you don't want to continue."

"It was my idea," Ryou growled, squirming as Kaoru's sticky fingers probed deeper.

Kaoru gathered him into his arms and stroked his hair. "Oh, Ryou. I'm so touched that you'd-"

"Would you just do something already? The anticipation is killing me."

"Ah." Kaoru's gentle smile widened and he cupped Ryou's cheek with one hand. "We'll have to do something about that."

The sound of the zipper was faint, but it was like a gunshot in Ryou's ears. He became intensely aware of the situation. Once again, he was going to Kaoru fuck him. Why? He didn't owe the other man anything. He didn't have to do it. But just as panic began to set in, Kaoru pushed himself into his body.

Oh yes. Oh hell yes.

Ryou groaned and melted against Kaoru's chest. He had forgotten how it felt to be so completely full, as if there was an emptiness inside of him that he only noticed now that it was gone.

"Ryou?"

"Just give me a sec." Ryou rested his head against Kaoru's shoulder and took a deep breath to steady himself. His voice sounded strangely husky and that had to be a sign that he was already losing control.

"Take as long as you need," Kaoru said. "I will wait for you. Always and forever, my beloved."

Ryou shuddered as one of Kaoru's hands slipped under his shirt and began rubbing a slow circle over his back. Kaoru had probably meant it to be soothing, but Kaoru's touch against bare skin only enflamed him further. He wanted his shirt off, he wanted Kaoru's shirt off, and he wanted now.

His hands were shaking and he struggled to get his shirt over his head without ripping it. Halfway into this struggle, Kaoru caught his wrist. "Allow me," he said.

Ryou stilled and allowed Kaoru to finish undressing him. "Now, your turn," he said.

Kaoru shifted, gently lowering Ryou back down against the bed. Ryou moaned as the angle of penetration changed. He could feel his mind clouding over, but he was still lucid enough to remember Kaoru's shirt. He tugged at it. "Off. Now."

Kaoru smiled and slipped it over his head without any struggle. Ryou was jealous, but it was hard to be annoyed for too long when Kaoru's body was so beautiful.

Kaoru shifted again, lowering himself over Ryou, his mouth fastening against Ryou's neck. With one sharp thrust, he buried himself deep into Ryou's body, brushing against that sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Oh god," Ryou gasped. He arched up into Kaoru's touch. Wanting, needing, craving.

Kaoru's hands trailed down his chest, between his thighs, and then back up to curl around his hips. When had Kaoru gotten to know his body so well? Every touch was confident and knowing as if they'd had sex a hundred times before. He couldn't believe he had ever doubted him. Kaoru knew exactly what he was doing. As much as Ryou hated to admit it, he was a little grateful that Kaoru was on top. He was reckless, impatient, and prone to saying all the wrong things when he got upset. There were so many ways he could hurt Kaoru and he didn't want to see that happen. Kaoru had been so patient and understanding. It was more than he deserved.

Kaoru's mouth trailed lower, teeth scraping against his collarbone. Ryou shuddered and his hands tightened in the sheets. "Kaoru, please."

"Relax, Ryou. I'll take care of you."

"Ngh, I'm sure you will."

Kaoru slid his hands down the small of Ryou's back as he arched upwards. Ryou never would have thought he would like anyone groping his ass, but he did, just because it was Kaoru touching him.

Ryou had the sense that he was enjoying the sex way more than Kaoru was. It didn't seem fair. Hadn't jerking him off and sucking him off been enough self-sacrifice? Did everything have to be about his pleasure and not Kaoru's? Ryou couldn't stand the thought of lying there like a lump while Kaoru did everything for him. It was time he did something for Kaoru.

Ryou leaned forward and stroked his thumb against Kaoru's jaw line. Kaoru twitched and looked at him questioningly. Ryou smirked and laced his hands behind Kaoru's neck, pulling him down into a kiss.

Kaoru whimpered as he kissed him back. Ryou willingly parted his lips and traced his tongue against the inside of Kaoru's mouth.

The kiss ended all too soon. They were both already breathing heavily and they had to separate to get some air. Kaoru put his hands on Ryou's chest and pressed him back down against the bed. "Thank you, Ryou, but I'm going to take care of you for a change."

Oh well, he had tried. Ryou settled back against the bed and let Kaoru take back control. Surely there was no shame in losing to such a worthy adversary.

Ryou shut his eyes and let the pleasure wash over him. He was so close, so very close. Everything Kaoru was doing felt wonderful. His mouth against his neck, his hands on his thighs, and every thrust of his hips. Ryou didn't know how much longer he'd be able to take such perfect torture. But he was determined to pull Kaoru over the edge with him. He opened one eye and noted with satisfaction that Kaoru's face was flushed and he was breathing heavily. It wouldn't take too much effort to really undermine Kaoru's self-control.

Ryou wound his hands through Kaoru's hair and tugged him close enough for another kiss. Kaoru shook his head. He was breathing really hard now and of course he wouldn't last two seconds in another make-out session. But no matter. Ryou drew his tongue down Kaoru's neck and bit down at the junction of his shoulder blade.

Kaoru's eyes went wide. "Oh," he said. "That really isn't fair."

Ryou smirked and kissed the wound. With Kaoru's delicate skin, it was sure to leave a nice, vivid bruise. Nobody was going to forget this night.

They came at almost the same time. Ryou managed to keep his eyes open long enough to lock his gaze with Kaoru's as he reached his peak. He couldn't do much more than that. He was sticky and sweaty and he really needed a shower, but he was far too exhausted to even think about getting urge to just curl up and sleep for a few hours was stronger than Ryou remembered. But he fought through the exhaustion to pull Kaoru down onto the bed beside him.

"I think I love you," Ryou gasped out.

Kaoru stroked his cheek. "I know."

Ryou curled his hand around Kaoru's wrist. "Listen to me. I've never said this to anybody else. I really love you."

Kaoru's smile softened. "I'm grateful to have your heart. I'll treasure this moment always."


	23. Chapter 22

A/N: So, I think I'm at least halfway done with this fic by now. It's getting easier to write after all the major drama is over. Don't worry, there's still conflict and plot since I am going to go through most of the storyline for Redemption. Ryou will just be a better person by then.

Disclaimer: I don't own any .Hack characters…but sadly I named two peacocks in Wildlife Park after Kaoru and Ryou….and they've been breeding like rabbits. XD

When Ryou woke up the next morning, Kaoru was sitting up in bed, huddled under the covers. Ryou knew better than to ask if Kaoru had gotten any sleep. Kaoru seemed to thrive on three or four hours a night. Ryou felt cheated somehow if he got less than six hours. He frowned and tried to wrap the rest of the covers around himself like a cocoon. He had fallen asleep in his day clothes and they weren't nearly as warm as his pajamas would have been.

Damn Kaoru for being so awake so fucking early. Ryou was cold and tired and he wanted nothing more for Kaoru to stay curled up in bed beside him, but he wasn't about to lower himself to begging for Kaoru's body heat.

"Good morning, Ryou."

Ryou groaned and rolled over. "Bullshit. It's still dark out."

"It's 5 a.m."

"Ugh. Why are we up so early?"

"Well, we did go to bed a little earlier than usual."

Ryou smirked. He could hear the hesitation in Kaoru's voice. He probably thought Ryou wouldn't want to remember how last night had gone. But it had been a good night. A very good night. Well, a good evening anyway. They had both fallen asleep shortly after 7 p.m. Ryou's stomach growled, reminding him that he had swapped dinner for sex. Not that it had been a bad trade.

Kaoru patted his shoulder. "I'll make you something to eat."

"I can make my own breakfast."

"You ought to stay in bed and get some more rest."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "You think you fucked my bones to jelly? You're not as good as you think you are. I can still walk just fine."

"That isn't very nice, Ryou."

"Take it easy, Kaoru. I'm teasing you. All I'm saying is that I can get up and feed myself."

"Is it so wrong to let someone else look after you?"

"No, but you can't cook. I appreciate you wanting to help, but I'll end up helping you light the stove and keep everything from burning and it's way easier if I do it myself."

"I don't need your help to make breakfast."

"What are you going to do, pour cereal into a bowl? That's exciting."

Kaoru hesitated. "Are we fighting again?"

"No, don't be silly." Ryou found himself extraordinarily amused by how badly Kaoru was misreading his jokes. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but suddenly he really wanted to see how far he could push his sarcasm before Kaoru would catch on.

"Then why are you arguing with me?"

"I'm not arguing."

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not, goddamnit. Now, shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you."

"Ryou-"

"I warned you." Ryou grasped the collar of Kaoru's shirt and yanked him into bruising kiss.

For a moment, Kaoru was completely still and then he was kissing back just as furiously. Ryou groaned with satisfaction and pulled Kaoru down on top of him. It felt good to catch Kaoru off-guard. Sometimes it seemed like Kaoru knew him so well that he was staring into his soul. But it was nice to know that he wasn't entirely predictable.

When Kaoru pulled away, he was panting and his eyes were glassy. "Perhaps we should eat something first to keep up our strength."

Ryou laughed and elbowed him. "Then get your ass up and get us some food."

Kaoru pinned his arms down. "I'm sorry, but you're in no position to be issuing orders."

Ryou smirked and shifted to the side, deliberately grinding their hips together. "And I suppose you want me to fight you off now and convince you to let me up. Well, fuck that. Maybe I just want to stay in bed some more."

Kaoru hissed and his hands tightened around Ryou's wrists. "Don't tempt me. We're getting up and getting breakfast."

Ryou rolled his eyes. It was just too easy to ruffle Kaoru's feathers. He knew he should feel bad for trying to mess with him, but he was finding it way too amusing to stop. "So, are you still making breakfast or what?"

Kaoru released him and sat back on the bed. "If you'll let me."

Ryou stretched and shut his eyes. "I suppose so. Wake me up when you've burned my toast."

"No, you're coming with me. Get up."

Ryou ignored him as Kaoru nudged him in the side and tried to regulate his breathing to a slow, even keel. It would be hard to fool Kaoru since Kaoru probably watched him sleep every damn night, but Ryou had once been very good at faking sleep when he was younger, usually when his mother wanted to drag him out of the house early on a Saturday morning to go shopping for fancy clothes for some formal event that Ryou hadn't wanted to go to anyway.

"Ryou, come on. You have to tell me what you want on your toast. And where to find it in your kitchen."

Kaoru started shaking him by the shoulders and Ryou had to suppress the urge to start laughing. Was Kaoru not looking him in the face while he was talking to him? Ryou was sure he was doing a terrible job of keeping a straight face. He was probably grinning like a loon and Kaoru was just not catching on at all. But maybe Kaoru was too busy checking him out. Damnit, now he really wanted to laugh.

"Ryou, are you….are you okay?"

Kaoru was really close to him now. Ryou could feel Kaoru's breath against his neck as he bent over him. Ryou chanced opening one eye. No, Kaoru wasn't looking at his face at all. Kaoru had his head against his chest, probably listening for a heartbeat or something. Well, that was stupid. He was obviously still alive. And Ryou was going to prove it to him. He carefully lifted his arm and pinched Kaoru's neck.

Ryou had forgotten how strong Kaoru was. And how badly he reacted to surprises.

Kaoru shrieked and struck out blindly. Ryou was shoved off the bed and he landed hard on the floor. He winced. Thank god for carpet or his ass would have been really hurting.

Kaoru leaned over the bed, his eyes wide with horror. "Oh, Ryou, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. You startled me and I just wasn't thinking and now you're hurt and I'm so sorry."

Ryou burst out laughing. "Man, I scared the fuck out of you. Why the hell are you apologizing? That was the best thing ever."

Kaoru's expression faded from horror to confusion and finally exasperation. He sighed. "What am I going to do with you, Ryou?"

"First, you're going to make me breakfast. Then you're going to bring me a blanket so I can sit on the couch and watch a movie without freezing my ass off." Ryou realized he probably looked ridiculous right now, sprawled across the floor with his arms over his chest, trying to sound tough. Well, whatever. He was just going to roll with it.

Kaoru arched an eyebrow. "Oh, is that all?"

"Why? Do you have a better idea?"

"A much better idea."

Ryou watched as Kaoru slid off the edge of the bed and settled onto the floor beside him. Only Kaoru could make sitting down look so graceful and effortless. He didn't understand how someone so socially awkward could move so fluidly sometimes.

"So," Ryou said. "What's the plan?"

"I'll make you breakfast," Kaoru said. "I'll even sit with you on the couch when you watch your movie, as long as it's not a horror movie."

Ryou nodded. "Alright. I like where this is going so far."

"And after your movie is done, we can curl up on the couch and rest for a few hours. I know you didn't get much sleep last night, Ryou, and I want to make it up to you."

"Oh." Ryou was slightly disappointed. He hadn't expected Kaoru to willingly agree to all his demands. He had expected maybe some complaints and gentle teasing. Or maybe an actual exciting plan for the day. But Kaoru's bright idea was that they should take naps. Thrilling.

"But, first," Kaoru said. "We need to do this."

Before Ryou could react, Kaoru's arms were wrapped around him and he was kissing him. Ryou groaned and melted into the kiss.

When Kaoru pulled away, Ryou licked his lips and tried to gather his thoughts. "So, what was the plan again?"


	24. Chapter 23

A/N: Ryou is a terrible person to write. I don't know why I picked him as the POV character. He's great if there's action where he has to defend people/get pissed and do a lot of yelling. But in times of domestic bliss…he just turns into a little housewife and I hate it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any .Hack characters…if I did, they would be completely in character instead of…this.

"Well, this is nice," Ryou said. He was sprawled across Kaoru's chest with Kaoru's hand on his back the only thing keeping him on the couch. Ryou couldn't remember the last time he had watched a movie lying down. It wasn't the greatest angle, as his neck reminded him, but there was something to be said for not bothering to get up.

Kaoru shifted. "Yes, very nice."

"If I'm crushing your legs, just tell me and I'll get up."

"No. I'll be fine. I just need to stretch." Kaoru squirmed sideways. The hand on the small of Ryou's back drifted lower.

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "My ass is great, thanks. You don't need to adjust it for me."

"I'm just making sure you don't fall off the couch."

"Well, that's okay, I guess," Ryou said.

But apparently his sarcasm meter was also way off this morning. Kaoru's hand stayed resting on his ass.

Ryou frowned. It was hard to concentrate with Kaoru's hand on his backside. Especially since Kaoru was always so twitchy when watching a movie.

"No offense, Kaoru, but this isn't exactly the best movie-watching position. Could you just move-"

"How inconsiderate of me. I'm sorry, Ryou. Let me fix this for you."

Ryou hissed as Kaoru planted both hands firmly on his ass and pushed him further up onto his chest.

"There you are, Ryou. Now you can see the screen better."

Ryou groaned. "That's not what I meant. You're trying to play grab-ass and I'm trying to watch the movie."

"Oh, sorry." Kaoru pulled his hand back and rested it further up Ryou's back.

Ryou coughed, feeling himself redden. "Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, it's just that I can't keep track of what the fuck is happening in this movie while you're groping me."

"We don't have to watch the movie if you don't want to."

Ryou's eyes narrowed. Of course Kaoru was putting this all on him. He was the one practically groping him and yet he still had the nerve to play innocent and make Ryou seem like the perv.

"Ugh, fine. Just not on the couch, please. This thing is a bitch to clean."

Kaoru looked hurt. "You don't want to cuddle anymore?"

"What? No, I never said that."

Kaoru stuck out his bottom lip. "You think I'm going to spill on your couch."

"No, you dumbass. I think_ I'm _going to spill on the couch. In fact, I know I will. Shit's gotta go somewhere."

Kaoru looked at him blankly and Ryou groaned in frustration. "Do I really have to spell this out for you? Jesus Christ. Groping people usually means-"

"Oh! Sex."

Thank god he finally got it. Kaoru was oblivious, but at least he wasn't completely stupid.

Kaoru brightened. "You'll let me love you again?"

"Of course I'll let-I mean, I might as well. It'll get you to stop hinting around."

Kaoru embraced him and nuzzled against his cheek. "It makes me so happy to know you still love me."

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Don't be so melodramatic. But I'm just doing this so you'll stop wiggling and let me watch my damn movie. You got that?"

"Of course, Ryou. You're so good to me."

Ryou sighed as Kaoru began stroking his cheek. "Not on the couch, I said. I'd rather do laundry every damn day."

"Really? Every day?"

Ryou reddened. "Fuck, you know what I mean. Now, do you want to do this or not?"

Kaoru's arms tightened around him. "I love you, Ryou. I hope you know that."

Ryou huffed and allowed him to pet his hair. Kaoru could be so intensely earnest sometimes. Yes, Ryou knew Kaoru loved him. How was he ever supposed to forget when he reminded him of the depth of his devotion every five minutes?

"Well?" Ryou asked. "Are you going to let me up?"

"Just a second," Kaoru said. "I like having you in my arms."

Ryou elbowed him. "You can do that later. Now hurry up before I change my mind."

Kaoru released him and Ryou stalked off towards his bedroom. He couldn't believe he was still attempting to have sex with Kaoru. The man was completely oblivious and would rather cuddle with him on the couch. But of course, Kaoru had to be clumsy about it and now Ryou was all riled up.

"I'm sorry, Ryou," Kaoru said. "I get a little carried away sometimes, but I just love your body. Every inch, every curve-"

Ryou spun on his heel and Kaoru backed away, clutching his hands to his chest. "Curve? I'm a guy. We don't have curves."

Kaoru hunched his shoulders. "Not as many curves, no. But I like the curve of your lips, the arch of your back-"

"Ugh. Next you'll be spouting off about my toes."

Kaoru smiled. "Maybe we should find out."

"You touch my feet and I'll kick you in the face."

"Very well. There are plenty of other body parts I'm fond of."

Ryou growled as Kaoru pulled him into a crushing embrace. "Let go, idiot. Do you have a deathwish or something?"

"It's okay to want this, Ryou. I want this just as much as you do."

Ryou averted his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"No? Let me make myself clear."

Ryou hissed as Kaoru ground their hips together. "God damn you."

"I'm sorry, Ryou. Would you like to repeat that?"

Ryou cursed and gripped Kaoru's shoulder. Maybe Kaoru had only been playing oblivious just to piss him off. He sure seemed very aware of the situation now.

"So, would you like to continue arguing with me, or would you like to go to bed?"

Ryou groaned. It was getting hard to think with Kaoru pressed up against him. It was much easier to just let Kaoru lead him over to the bed and pin him down beneath the covers.

Ryou wrapped his legs around Kaoru's hips to pull him in closer. The friction felt incredible.

Kaoru stroked his cheek. "This is much better than that movie, isn't it?"

"What movie?"

Kaoru chuckled and flicked his tongue against the shell of Ryou's ear. "Never mind, my dearest. You'll like this a lot more."

Ryou wrapped his arms around Kaoru's neck. He couldn't really argue with that kind of logic.


End file.
